Stop! Don’t feed the...kid! Nice way to handle?

[Anonymous]

Op, re: your original post .. don't allow your kid around those people if they don't respect what you say.

You just have to have the guts

At school, your insistence can be documented

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think you are exaggerating and setting your kid up to feel self conscious. She is only 4, so I assume she is in your care most of the time. You said the side effect is more hunger so she eats more and gains weight, this is how everyone puts on weight. The key is to give her healthy food when she is hungry. Occasional treats are fine. How often is she around huge pieces of cake and lollipops. ( You would have to eat an awful lot of lollipops to cause weight gain btw)

I have a large child, not overweight but solid and she loves to eat. We eat healthy meals 90% of the time and mostly healthy snacks. I let it go when she is with other people. You will drive yourself crazy and drive your kid to hide things from you.

And this attitude that you know better, even when OP states clearly her child has a medical team advising her, is exactly why OP is here asking for advice on how to convey the message.

OP, be blunt. Larla has a metabolic disorder, please don't give her food without checking with me first. PERIOD. That is all you need to say.

Any one who pushes more or sneaks food to your child doesn't get to be around your child, or go ahead and freak out on them. You were clear, you were polite. If they insist that they know best, it is fine to freak out on them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:"Is your goal to kill her?"
"Can you explain why you keep choosing to harm our child?"

I'd tell her to go to Hell if she spoke to me like this and she has not told me about her child's condition!

OP, get some professional help for yourself immediately because you are going to do serious emotional and mental harm to your DD!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m bordering on crazy control freak mom. What’s a nice way to handle this in advance?

DD is 4 and has a metabolic disorder. One side effect is increased appetite which causes rapid weight gain. She doesn’t quite understand but we are working with doctors, child psychologist, dietitian and a plan to manage the weight while they get medical condition under control. We caught it early so with (a lot of) work, DD can have normal quality of life and get ahead of complications.

Our dietitian has a plan that allows for normal kid things like a cupcake at a birthday party, work around snack at preschool etc. The goal is to feel normal and not restricted but manage everything else.

That said -she’s still 4. Other parents, grandparents etc are making this 1000X harder. Giving her extra cake when we aren’t looking, offering lollipops, juice, huge portions and treating her like their kids who are stringbeans that subsist on chicken nuggets and goldfish.

What’s a nice way to say: I know you mean well, but Larla has a medical condition please don’t give her extra cake or please ask me first.

The dietitian said to make it sound like a life or death allergy.

I went crazy the other day. Not my finest hour... I’m going to therapy for it too..

This is actually a pretty nice way to say it! If you want to soften it further, "Oh it's so sweet of you to offer her an extra cupcake, but Larla has a medical condition so please don’t give her extra cake or please ask me first."

It's not clear from your post whether you have actually told the people who are undermining the diet about the medical condition. If they know about it already and continue to sneak her food, drop any softening language.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What kind of metabolic disorder can a four-year-old have that causes increased appetite?

Prader Willi? And lots of other conditions.

-- not OP

[Anonymous]

OP, as you can see from the responses here, unless people know what’s going on with your kid (I’m assuming PWS) they’re going to think you’re a weird UMC anglo orthorexic who’s going to traumatize your DD. Of course they should listen to you about feeding your child even if they think that, but you can kind of see why they might not, right?

[Anonymous]

Just say "sorry, Larla has a medical condition so we have to watch what she eats. Can you just ask me before giving her anything?". Any normal person is going to agree to this. Any person who doesn't isn't someon you should have your kid around.

But to blow up on people who have no idea is going to severely backfire on you and your DD. People aren't trying to harm your kid.

[Anonymous]

Grandparents and family should be TOTALLY IN COMPLIANCE.

Script for grandparents and family: " LARLA has
_____________ disease. She is on a doctor prescribed and medically required food regimen. Check with me
before giving Larla any foods.

Non compliance with her doctor prescribed food regimen
will send Larla to the hospital."

[Anonymous]

Have you apologized to the person you blew up at? Similar situation happened in a mom group I am and that mom pretty much got shunned by a lot of people because of it. You don't want this to be you. Plus, I noticed people discounted her because of her ridiculous behavior. I'm glad you're in therapy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Just say "sorry, Larla has a medical condition so we have to watch what she eats. Can you just ask me before giving her anything?". Any normal person is going to agree to this. Any person who doesn't isn't someon you should have your kid around.

But to blow up on people who have no idea is going to severely backfire on you and your DD. People aren't trying to harm your kid.

Above is a good script to say to other people and in other social situations.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Grandparents and family should be TOTALLY IN COMPLIANCE.

Script for grandparents and family: " LARLA has
_____________ disease. She is on a doctor prescribed and medically required food regimen. Check with me
before giving Larla any foods.

Non compliance with her doctor prescribed food regimen
will send Larla to the hospital."

Id be cautious telling people it will send their kid to the hospital when it won't. It sounds like the issue is weight control. It will get back to the kid about going to the hospital and that can cause a whole lot of issues. So don't say your kid could die or go to the hospital unless that's the truth.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m bordering on crazy control freak mom. What’s a nice way to handle this in advance?

DD is 4 and has a metabolic disorder. One side effect is increased appetite which causes rapid weight gain. She doesn’t quite understand but we are working with doctors, child psychologist, dietitian and a plan to manage the weight while they get medical condition under control. We caught it early so with (a lot of) work, DD can have normal quality of life and get ahead of complications.

Our dietitian has a plan that allows for normal kid things like a cupcake at a birthday party, work around snack at preschool etc. The goal is to feel normal and not restricted but manage everything else.

That said -she’s still 4. Other parents, grandparents etc are making this 1000X harder. Giving her extra cake when we aren’t looking, offering lollipops, juice, huge portions and treating her like their kids who are stringbeans that subsist on chicken nuggets and goldfish.

What’s a nice way to say: I know you mean well, but Larla has a medical condition please don’t give her extra cake or please ask me first.

The dietitian said to make it sound like a life or death allergy.

I went crazy the other day. Not my finest hour... I’m going to therapy for it too..

OP, I think you can just tell people in advance "Larla has a medical condition so please ask me before you offer her any food."

I don't see how this would be a problem anywhere except maybe at a large party where parents are all helping each other's kids and you may not get a chance to talk to everyone or expect for them to remember who Larla is. Then you need to plan to attend and be right next to your DD all of the time if having these extra treats is really a huge issue. If the dietitian said to make it sound like a deadly allergy, maybe you need to up your supervision, as I imagine parents of kids with actual deadly allergies do for kids this age?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What kind of metabolic disorder can a four-year-old have that causes increased appetite?

- Mutations in genes for leptin (LEP), leptin receptor (LEPR), pro-opiomelanocortin (POMC), melanocortin 4 receptor (MC4R), and prohormone convertase 1 (PCSK1) -- represents about 5% of severe early childhood obesity
- MCAD and other fatty acid oxidation disorders
- Phenylketonuria
- Organic acid disorders, such as propionic acidemia and isovaleric acidemia
etc

[Anonymous]

How about you say: "I know you mean well, but Larla has a medical condition please don’t give her extra cake or please ask me first. "

Except maybe say "extra food"

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think you are exaggerating and setting your kid up to feel self conscious. She is only 4, so I assume she is in your care most of the time. You said the side effect is more hunger so she eats more and gains weight, this is how everyone puts on weight. The key is to give her healthy food when she is hungry. Occasional treats are fine. How often is she around huge pieces of cake and lollipops. ( You would have to eat an awful lot of lollipops to cause weight gain btw)

I have a large child, not overweight but solid and she loves to eat. We eat healthy meals 90% of the time and mostly healthy snacks. I let it go when she is with other people. You will drive yourself crazy and drive your kid to hide things from you.

What is WRONG with you? OP said her child has a medical condition. This is not OP saying "my kid is fat, she's on a diet". It is a medical condition.

You sound like you must have weight issues. Grow up and understand that other people have real medical problems.