Got an apology from my ex who dumped me for my best friend

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I see two choices here:

1. You have better things to think about.

2. String him alone, make him chase you, then let him down brutally hard (payback).

I think op wants him though.

[Anonymous]

Run. Once a cheater, always a cheater.

[Anonymous]

I dunno it was a decade ago. Was he good in bed? Might be a fun fling. You would be in total control and he has to win you back.

I was friends with a couple where guy cheated/left his girlfriend for someone else. They were 23yo. The girl he dumped is seriously amazing. She is beautiful, smart, funny, kind, athletic and successful. He was lucky to have her. He eventually broke up with girl he left her for and begged her back but of course she said no. I have no doubt he would have loved her, cherished her and married her. She moved on and he eventually married. I still feel like he is in love with her when I see them. We have several friends in common so we still see one another.

[Anonymous]

Enjoy the flattery if your self esteem needs it but don't engage. I think it's fine to say "put it in writing/get it off your chest" but I don't think there would be anything life changing that he could say.

[Anonymous]

My ex dumped me in college. Broke my heart. Ran into him, started flirting, figured I'd string him along and then get payback. But I was fooling myself, I still loved him. We got married, had two kids - he cheated again and we divorced.

We've been divorced for a decade. I have it on good authority that he is having an affair with his current girlfriend's BFF.

Once a cheater OP. Run.

[Anonymous]

He’s over. Move on. You handled it very well OP!!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m quite a bit older than you, OP. Here’s my advice: first, you got an apology, which is rare. I think back on guys who broke my heart like this and they never came back later and apologized.

Second, I disagree with the PPs who say he wants to have sex with you. That’s possible, but it sounds to me like he just feels guilty and wants to unload the guilt.

I think he’s dredging this up with you because it bothers him.
Reaching out to you at this point is for HIM, not for you. He’s thinking of himself. How can he alleviate his guilt? How can he make himself feel better? That’s what he’s thinking.

If you were both single then maybe he also wants to get back together but how could you trust him?

If I were you I’d send him a note telling him how he hurt you and how you’ve moved on, and then end contact.

Apology of convenience.

[Anonymous]

“Sorry, no. Take care.”

[Anonymous]

He’s sounds hard-up in flyover state, you sound (and I’m guessing appeared, to him) desperate and lonely. Go ahead and marry him if you’re that desperate. Of course it will end predictably.

[Anonymous]

Translation: Will you be coming home for Thanksgiving and Christmas? I’d like to get you drunk and fuel my ego bedding the gal I treated like human garbage 10 years ago. Then brag to my mates what a dumb broad you are.

[Anonymous]

Red flags.

If he was truly a high status male he’d be married by now. He’s low status and a proven narcissist. Killer combo!

[Anonymous]

This is why I wouldn't engage. You clearly said all you needed to say when you saw him and declined his invitation for drinks/coffee. He has now disrespected that boundary and reached out to you to ask you out again. Whatever his motivation, he is not respecting your wish to be left alone. Do not engage. You owe him nothing but dust.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Or he was an addict and is in a 12-step program. One of the steps is making amends to all the people you hurt along the way.

Well if he's enmeshed in cheesy recovery culture, all the more reason to stay away.

[Anonymous]

Who calls people they dated a decade ago “my ex”? That’s like for very recent ex boyfriends or ex husbands.

[Anonymous]

Even if he's changed and feels sincere remorse for what he did...he can't undo what he did. Even if you forgive him and let bygones be bygones, you'll always have that memory of him cheating on you with your best friend.

He's not the guy for you. You don't need to answer him if you don't want to and you certainly don't need to see him again unless you want to.