DH is claiming to be Jewish with no verifiable proof.

[Anonymous]

The borders of Poland have moved around quite a bit in the last 200 years. He might actually be German, or Hungarian, or Russian, or Romanian, or Ukrainian, or Belorussian, or Estonian, or......

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Very few Jews have verifiable proof of their background. That having been said, your husband’s background and his earnest desire to be part of the community are two different things. If your husband wants to convert, your financial status should not be an obstacle. You two need to start going regularly to a Reform or Reconstructionist Congregation.

WHAT?

Of course it is! If he wants to use family funds for religious purposes it is definitely her business. And it could definitely be an obstacle. Many families do not have the time and money to devote a few thousand to a class. This is no different than one spouse they want to tithe or donate more money to charity than their spouse is comfortable with.

Also, it doesn’t sound like she is interested in converting. Why should she devote all her Saturday mornings and funds to something she’s not interested in. There is a limit to what you can ask of your spouse - this is a huge ask and she would be completely reasonable to say no.

[Anonymous]

His grandma was observing Jew, you know this, he is Jewish. Just because his mom and grandma became estranged he didn't stop being Jewish. Hence there is very little doubt that he is partially Jewish.

[Anonymous]

OP, I'd start out with checking out your local JCC (Jewish Community Center). I'm in slightly the same position as your DH (although different facts) and I found that the JCC was the most welcoming place to families that are sort-of kind-of Jewish. They have lots of kiddie activities for holidays, etc.

Jewish preschool is also a great idea! That will be a natural way for the whole family to learn about Judaism and also celebrate holidays, because that's a big thing for kids of course.

You can also just take the plunge and celebrate Passover on your own at home. The nice thing about Passover is that it basically has a formula - the Haggadah. Another thing you could do is just basically ask around the Jewish families you know and ask for an invitation to their Seder. And there are also lots of community seders (you can find out through the JCC).

For your husband's own Jewish education, I'd shop around at the different synagogues in town. I'm not sure where you are, but one difficulty I had when I was considering this was indeed financial. The congregations that seemed more set up to do adult education were also the more expensive ones. The cheaper congregations were more insular, because they were made up of people so secure & educated in their faith that they didn't need to do much development or outreach. But I would not make any assumptions -talk to the rabbis any place that seems to be a good fit.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Very few Jews have verifiable proof of their background. That having been said, your husband’s background and his earnest desire to be part of the community are two different things. If your husband wants to convert, your financial status should not be an obstacle. You two need to start going regularly to a Reform or Reconstructionist Congregation.

WHAT?

Of course it is! If he wants to use family funds for religious purposes it is definitely her business. And it could definitely be an obstacle. Many families do not have the time and money to devote a few thousand to a class. This is no different than one spouse they want to tithe or donate more money to charity than their spouse is comfortable with.

Also, it doesn’t sound like she is interested in converting. Why should she devote all her Saturday mornings and funds to something she’s not interested in. There is a limit to what you can ask of your spouse - this is a huge ask and she would be completely reasonable to say no.

Really? Within reason, if my spouse wanted to do something as fundamental as explore a faith, I'd consider that a big family priority. And I say that as a person who is adamantly anti-organized religion!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The borders of Poland have moved around quite a bit in the last 200 years. He might actually be German, or Hungarian, or Russian, or Romanian, or Ukrainian, or Belorussian, or Estonian, or......

with a family history of conversion and last name Koen? yeah, the evidence is pretty strong for being Jewish. Family lore is usually pretty accurate on this stuff. Our family lore was that I had one great-grandparent who was Jewish from Poland who abandoned my grandparent, with no further contact with that branch of the family since 1915. Indeed, Ancestry.com showed the exact percentage of Ashkenazi that would support 1 Jewish great grandparent from Poland.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:His grandma was observing Jew, you know this, he is Jewish. Just because his mom and grandma became estranged he didn't stop being Jewish. Hence there is very little doubt that he is partially Jewish.

Is it possible that his mom converted to Christianity and that’s why congregations are balking?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Ok, so this story sounds a bit bizarre but.

10 years ago, prior to us meeting DH began a search into his family history. He found that he may have some Ashkenazi Jewish ancestors from Poland on Ancestry. He spoke with a rabbi in town who he began taking classes with and was urged to find some verifiable proof of his lineage. He came to a dead end, struggling with the dated records and polish translations and limited records available online. He has names and dates of very Jewish sounding ancestors (last name is something along the lines of Koen), but he hasn't been able to find the proof he is so desperately searching for.

That being said, none of his family is observant. His mother was estranged from her own grandmother who was the last person in his family believed to have been an observant Jew, and she had some degree of mental illness and there is a lot of dark family history there.

DH hung a Mezuzah. He wants to send our 8 month old son to a Jewish preschool when he is of the proper age. We have prayer shawls and yarmulkes and Judaica for the jewish holidays but DH has no idea how to go about it. He buys this stuff but it just kind of sits there, around the house. He is hesitant to reach out to a Rabbi again, knowing he would likely need some kind of proof in order to be accepted into the Jewish community. But, it all seems a bit much. DH didn't grow up with any observant religious family members and I think this is some kind of soul-searching for him. I'm trying to be supportive but short of hiring a genealogist who is well versed in eastern poland genealogy, he has hit a dead end. He is considering converting but we are on limited funds and he would have to pay for several Hebrew classes and introductory classes, taking up alot of our time and money.

What do I do? I'm trying to be supportive, but this is hard as i'm not religious myself. I'm not sure where all of this came from. This seems to be some kind of quest for DH to prove his ancestry.

Sounds like he likes the idea of being Jewish, but has no religious convictions. Pretty shallow and embarrassing.

[Anonymous]

What do you mean no verifying proof? His maternal side clearly knows his grandma was Jewish? That's pretty solid! His GRANDMA was Jewish, the real question is why are you calling this unverifiable?!
We are not talking about some far away ancestor, we are talking about his blood grandma assuming nobody in the line was adopted.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Very few Jews have verifiable proof of their background. That having been said, your husband’s background and his earnest desire to be part of the community are two different things. If your husband wants to convert, your financial status should not be an obstacle. You two need to start going regularly to a Reform or Reconstructionist Congregation.

WHAT?

Of course it is! If he wants to use family funds for religious purposes it is definitely her business. And it could definitely be an obstacle. Many families do not have the time and money to devote a few thousand to a class. This is no different than one spouse they want to tithe or donate more money to charity than their spouse is comfortable with.

Also, it doesn’t sound like she is interested in converting. Why should she devote all her Saturday mornings and funds to something she’s not interested in. There is a limit to what you can ask of your spouse - this is a huge ask and she would be completely reasonable to say no.

You so clearly want to argue that you're missing the point.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What do you mean no verifying proof? His maternal side clearly knows his grandma was Jewish? That's pretty solid! His GRANDMA was Jewish, the real question is why are you calling this unverifiable?!
We are not talking about some far away ancestor, we are talking about his blood grandma assuming nobody in the line was adopted.

correct bloodline race via mother.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What do you mean no verifying proof? His maternal side clearly knows his grandma was Jewish? That's pretty solid! His GRANDMA was Jewish, the real question is why are you calling this unverifiable?!
We are not talking about some far away ancestor, we are talking about his blood grandma assuming nobody in the line was adopted.

+1 I’m not getting the problem.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What do you mean no verifying proof? His maternal side clearly knows his grandma was Jewish? That's pretty solid! His GRANDMA was Jewish, the real question is why are you calling this unverifiable?!
We are not talking about some far away ancestor, we are talking about his blood grandma assuming nobody in the line was adopted.

correct bloodline race via mother.

If he wants to convert (back) to Judaism—to put in the study and become a Jew, as my friend in a similar circumstance has done—then he doesn’t need “bloodline proof.” He will be accepted as the Jew he is.

I’m curious about whether he is actually becoming a Jew, going to classes, services, etc; or if he’s only doing the outward “appearance” type things without understanding the intent behind them. You mentioned a mezuzah and yarmulke, but I may have missed mention of studying and other commitments to the community.

[Anonymous]

He sounds like any person interested in their past, collecting artifacts. Not that big of a deal, if he wants a class you need to explain to him that he can convert and that you will support him. You are clearly opposed to him raising kids Jewish, hence your strong reaction to him being an arm chair collector of Jewish things. He is, however, Jewish, in heritage and I don't see why you want to take that away from him.

[Anonymous]

Be glad this is his obsession, not fancy cars or golf or plastic surgery. Be supportive. Discuss budgeting and saving for classes.