creeped out by teen swim coach's interest in DS

[Anonymous]

On our team they only get a buddy next year. I'd let it go this year but next year don't agree to that buddy if you do get one. Just tell the mom you really appreciate the offer but its not a good time right now.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Speak to the Coach immediately. This is highly inappropriate behavior. I would not allow your child to be with this teen. It sounds to me like grooming behavior and needs to be stopped immediately. I had to do the Scouting BSA training for Leaders. It includes a 20 minute segment on how older children can be the ones responsible for molesting younger Scouts. There are specific rules in place to deal with these type of scenarios.

The teens behavior is inappropriate and troubling. Please bring it to the Coaches attention and do not allow your child to be around this teen.

I think this could be grooming or it could be a kid who thinks he's being a good role model. Either way, I think you need to talk to the coach 1) generally about what protocols are in place to ensure that inappropriate behavior doesn't take place between adults and kids or kids and kid 2) All the teen coaches need to understand basic rules of coaching which include not demanding that anyone touch you, asking before touching someone else, not being alone with a younger child who you are coaching. Safety and appropriate boundaries should absolutely be part of the training for the young coaches. I would give a very detailed description of the 13 year old's behavior and ask the coach how he plans to address it. If he seems to think it's no big deal, I would take your kid elsewhere.

[Anonymous]

It's fine to both be compassionate for the teen and talk with the coach to share your concerns. If it is just the kid being socially awkward, then this can give him some very necessary help in recognizing what sort of behavior is not well received (which will do him a lot of good in the future!). If it's a case of something more, then the teen is on the radar as someone they need to keep an eye on (but I would also recommend keeping an eye open in the future because a summer-only situation like this means it's possible this info might get lost between now and next summer).

[Anonymous]

That’s awful!

Please talk to the coach. This is very inappropriate behavior! Yuk!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Speak to the Coach immediately. This is highly inappropriate behavior. I would not allow your child to be with this teen. It sounds to me like grooming behavior and needs to be stopped immediately. I had to do the Scouting BSA training for Leaders. It includes a 20 minute segment on how older children can be the ones responsible for molesting younger Scouts. There are specific rules in place to deal with these type of scenarios.

The teens behavior is inappropriate and troubling. Please bring it to the Coaches attention and do not allow your child to be around this teen.

I think this could be grooming or it could be a kid who thinks he's being a good role model. Either way, I think you need to talk to the coach 1) generally about what protocols are in place to ensure that inappropriate behavior doesn't take place between adults and kids or kids and kid 2) All the teen coaches need to understand basic rules of coaching which include not demanding that anyone touch you, asking before touching someone else, not being alone with a younger child who you are coaching. Safety and appropriate boundaries should absolutely be part of the training for the young coaches. I would give a very detailed description of the 13 year old's behavior and ask the coach how he plans to address it. If he seems to think it's no big deal, I would take your kid elsewhere.

Shoving someone’s face into your speedoed crotch isn’t just grooming though, it’s actually sexual abuse. I would certainly consider it that way if someone did it to me, and I’m sure you would too.

Maybe the boy didn’t intend it that way, but it’s more than just grooming.

[Anonymous]

We can’t know from a conversation on dcum if this kid is a pedophile or not. But the bottom line is that he’s acting inappropriately and it absolutely needs to be addressed by the coach. You don’t even have to use words like “creep” or “pedophile” when you talk to them. Just stick to the facts, state the behaviors you’ve seen, tell them you don’t want your child interacting with this kid anymore, and ask them to address the behavior and teach all the kids (not just the teen coaches) about appropriate and inappropriate touch and reporting. If you’re not taken seriously, you quit the team. Protect your kid.

[Anonymous]

This board is usually tripping over themselves to rush out and declare "special needs! patience! tolerance!" over odd / problematic behavior like this boy's behavior. Why not here? Very curious. Speak to the coach but the vilifying of the 13 year old that's going on in here should not be occurring.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It sounds like a socially awkward kid to me and I think talking to the coach or the parents would be overreacting.

Disagree. While I also think the kids is socially awkward instead of having bad intentions, I think the coach should know how OP perceived things and that her son was uncomfortable.

The mother asking for the play date is beyond strange.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This board is usually tripping over themselves to rush out and declare "special needs! patience! tolerance!" over odd / problematic behavior like this boy's behavior. Why not here? Very curious. Speak to the coach but the vilifying of the 13 year old that's going on in here should not be occurring.

My husband was raped, repeatedly, by his older brother when he was the same age as the OP's child. It happens far more often than anyone wants to acknowledge. Their mother was completely oblivious (as she continues to be to this day), and my BIL was never confronted or accused of anything.

If a 13 year old was doing to my 5 year old child what this kid is doing to OP's kid, I would absolutely say something. I agree with the PP's who suggested approaching the coach with the facts, and leaving out "creep" or "molesting", etc. And *obviously* don't do a playdate, but OP already knows that.

[Anonymous]

OP, I don't know whether you should talk to the coach but you should just tell the teen "no" when he invites your kid over. Be polite but don't explain. Just like you said "no" to the hugging. Who cares if it's awkward?