creeped out by teen swim coach's interest in DS

[Anonymous]

Speak to the Coach immediately. This is highly inappropriate behavior. I would not allow your child to be with this teen. It sounds to me like grooming behavior and needs to be stopped immediately. I had to do the Scouting BSA training for Leaders. It includes a 20 minute segment on how older children can be the ones responsible for molesting younger Scouts. There are specific rules in place to deal with these type of scenarios.

The teens behavior is inappropriate and troubling. Please bring it to the Coaches attention and do not allow your child to be around this teen.

[Anonymous]

Our swim team's buddy program encourages the "big" buddies to cheer on their little buddies, greet them at every practice, and write notes or give small gifts (candy, etc) at meets. I can see a kid with poor social skills making missteps here without being a pedophile.

[Anonymous]

The kid is 13. He’s just weird. Not trying to molest your kid.

[Anonymous]

This may all the innocent and well intentioned on the part of the teen and better he learn more appropriate social skills now. It could also be that he himself was abused and doesn't have good boundaries.

I would absolutely speak to the coach so the coach can speak tot he team. If he is being assigned as a mentor, he needs some coaching on what being a good mentor is and isn't and how to act appropriately.

[Anonymous]

^ so the coach can speak to the teen

(sorry, not sure what happened there!)

[Anonymous]

Maybe he’s just confused about what is appropriate? I know my kids coaches invite kids over for cookouts at the end of the season but this is the whole team and parents ,not just one kid but maybe since he’s only mentoring one he didn’t know he probably shouldn’t do that. This hugging thing sounds like more of a joke. My 5 year old is shy and her gymnastics coach sometimes says things like that to her jokingly but doesn’t force it like this boy did to your son. He’s only 13 so has he coached anyone before? I would probably tell who is in charge so they can tell him what is and isn’t appropriate to do.

[Anonymous]

Lots of 12-13 year olds love playing with little kids.

I don't think it is weird at all. Young teens used to do a lot of babysitting or being mother's helpers or a counselor in training at summer camp because they like little kids and still have the energy to play all the kid games. Tweens / early teens are caught between being a child and a grown up. Little kids also often love playing with older kids as it makes them feel older.

I think you should say something but also know that most likely this is just a young teen figuring out the new landscape of growing up

[Anonymous]

Part of growing up is learning what is appropriate and inappropriate behavior. Badgering someone into physical contact is inappropriate but o don’t think that’s necessarily intuitive. (It often comes up with grandparents who do the same.). The coach should understand he needs to give more guidance to the teen mentors about what is appropriate. I think most camps do this, which is why the fist bump is currently so popular at camps. I would also request a different buddy next year but wouldn’t go out of my way to suggest this young teen is creepy or anything intentional.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The kid is 13. He’s just weird. Not trying to molest your kid.

Dp. You don"t know that. I was always raped by a teen when i was four or five. Please talk to the coach, op.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The kid is 13. He’s just weird. Not trying to molest your kid.

Dp. You don"t know that. I was always raped by a teen when i was four or five. Please talk to the coach, op.

Meant almost.

[Anonymous]

Part of the role of an adult coach should be discretion. If you mention what you have mentioned here Op, and the adult coach does not handle the situation well --- it's not on you

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It sounds like a socially awkward kid to me and I think talking to the coach or the parents would be overreacting.

I agree he is probably socially awkward, but that’s why to bring it up now. In a few years it will be a felony charge, not a kind word from a trusted coach about boundaries. I would make the message: we have enjoyed swim team, but training for the mentors should include a discussion about no forcing touching on a kid who doesn’t want it, etc. The training is something the team coach can control, and if it is given to everyone it won’t single out one kid but he will get the information he needs.

If he does it after training, it will be easier for the next buddy to say, That’s not the rule! Or something.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It sounds like a socially awkward kid to me and I think talking to the coach or the parents would be overreacting.

I agree he is probably socially awkward, but that’s why to bring it up now. In a few years it will be a felony charge, not a kind word from a trusted coach about boundaries. I would make the message: we have enjoyed swim team, but training for the mentors should include a discussion about no forcing touching on a kid who doesn’t want it, etc. The training is something the team coach can control, and if it is given to everyone it won’t single out one kid but he will get the information he needs.

If he does it after training, it will be easier for the next buddy to say, That’s not the rule! Or something.

What did this kid do that would be a felony charge?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The kid is 13. He’s just weird. Not trying to molest your kid.

Dp. You don"t know that. I was always raped by a teen when i was four or five. Please talk to the coach, op.

A 13 year old boy who’s supported by his mother? Sorry but I doubt that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The kid is 13. He’s just weird. Not trying to molest your kid.

Dp. You don"t know that. I was always raped by a teen when i was four or five. Please talk to the coach, op.

A 13 year old boy who’s supported by his mother? Sorry but I doubt that.

What are you talking about? I was referring to the pp who thought impossible for a 13 year old to molest a five year old and I wad talking about my experience. It is NOT normal for a 13 year old boy to want a playdate woth a five year old. And the mother is in denial. My story, had no mother in it.