DD mentioned party that friend went invited to. How to proceed.

[Anonymous]

I have no idea what she said... but I don't think the idea of calling over when we're dealing w/ 10-11 year olds (I'm assuming these are probably 5th graders from the OP's description) is weird at all.

No, I think it is strange. My son is 10 and I view my role in facilitating his friendships as 1) helping him figure out how to navigate things himself, and 2) calling or texting the mom of a kid he wants to invite someplace that the kid can't ride his bike to in order to arrange a pick up and drop off.

[Anonymous]

OP why won't you answer this part though-

if it was "STATED VERY CLEARLY THAT ONLY 2 WERE INVITED" then why did your daughter act so stupidly?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP why won't you answer this part though-

if it was "STATED VERY CLEARLY THAT ONLY 2 WERE INVITED" then why did your daughter act so stupidly?

DP. I'm also very interested in knowing why/how the party invitation would state very clearly that only 2 kids were invited. What kind of a party is that? Something exclusive, as in front row tickets to Cats in a plus hanging out with the cast afterwards?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:DD is part of a group of four friends, all starting middle school this year. One friend, Amy has been best friends with other friend Sara for the past few years. All four friends went to the same elementary school until this past year when Sara switched schools. Amy is having her birthday party in a few weeks and didn’t invite Sara. She made it very clear on the invitation that only two friends were invited. She didn’t invite Sara because Sara is going to a different middle school than the other girls. So today my DD is hanging out with Sara and mentions that she will see her at the birthday. Sara says she didn’t get an invitation and my DD assures her that she probably will. After the play date Sara’s mom calls Amy’s mom to ask about the party and you can imagine how things went from there. I hate drama and feel absolutely terrible about this. There are so many hurt feelings as a result of this. I’ve talked to Amy’s mom and she has been very kind and gracious about my DD mistake. My DD is shy, quiet and doesn’t have too many friends. She is in absolute tears over this. She assumed Sara was invited because Sara and Amy were best friends. Honestly it’s usually my DD who gets left out, and she is used to it and knows it’s just part of life. I’m fairly antisocial myself and am unsure how DD and I should proceed at this point.

Here's what I think happened. Since Sara went to a different school this past year and will be going to a different middle school than the other girls, Amy-Sara friendship is dying a natural death, if it hasn't already. It happens. My child's former BFF went to a CES and, as soon as she got accepted there, she might have completely fallen off the face of the Earth, for all we know. Our attempts to arrange playdates failed, she didn't invite my child to her birthday party, and, subsequently, my child didn't invite that girl to hers. They hang out in different circles now, and that's okay.

Unlike Sara's mother, I didn't call anybody demanding explanations , I just told my daughter to take it in stride and develop relationships with other friends, which she has.

Something similar might have happened between Amy and Sara. Oh, well, it's life. OP, I honestly don't think your daughter should beat yourself up over what seems to be an honest mistake!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would of told my daughter to boycott the party. What a mean girl not to invite her whole group. It's like she put the burden on the invitees rather than take responsibility for her exclusiveness.

Nobody is going to listen to advice from someone who says “would of”.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would of told my daughter to boycott the party. What a mean girl not to invite her whole group. It's like she put the burden on the invitees rather than take responsibility for her exclusiveness.

Nobody is going to listen to advice from someone who says “would of”.

Oh, hey there, Grammar Troll.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would of told my daughter to boycott the party. What a mean girl not to invite her whole group. It's like she put the burden on the invitees rather than take responsibility for her exclusiveness.

Nobody is going to listen to advice from someone who says “would of”.

+1.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would of told my daughter to boycott the party. What a mean girl not to invite her whole group. It's like she put the burden on the invitees rather than take responsibility for her exclusiveness.

Nobody is going to listen to advice from someone who says “would of”.

Hm. But she nailed “invitees,” so ...

[Anonymous]

DH here. and please take this with a some humor...

But this kind of petty sht is precisely the drama that keeps women from ruling the world.

I this were a boy party, no father would have ever called the other father about their son being slighted on the party invite.

Maybe the party is something really nice that the girl is doing, maybe taking two freinds to hershey park or bush gardens, or some water park, spa day, mani pedi, ect. doesn't matter why the party was only for two friends. bummer that DD let it slip, but shes 10-12 and sometimes secrets are tough to keep. how did she know that her friend Sara wasn't the other freind that amy invited. life goes on...

[Anonymous]

How was it made clear that Sara want invited? If there was a note that said “nobody tell Sara; I’m not inviting her” your kid should stay home because Amy is a mean girl. If it was a public invite list on evite, no one should have expected OPs kid to study and memorize a list.

In either case, you daughter should tell Sara that it sucks, and she feels badly that she caused Sara upset. Then let it go.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:DH here. and please take this with a some humor...

But this kind of petty sht is precisely the drama that keeps women from ruling the world.

I this were a boy party, no father would have ever called the other father about their son being slighted on the party invite.

Maybe the party is something really nice that the girl is doing, maybe taking two freinds to hershey park or bush gardens, or some water park, spa day, mani pedi, ect. doesn't matter why the party was only for two friends. bummer that DD let it slip, but shes 10-12 and sometimes secrets are tough to keep. how did she know that her friend Sara wasn't the other freind that amy invited. life goes on...

FTR, I’m a female and I feel the exact same way.

It is absolutely NOT a big deal. Just move on. Seriously. Not worth the drama, no need for drama.

[Anonymous]

Amy sucks. She printed up invites to hand out to two kids? It almost sounds like she set your little girl up to break the news to Sarah. Middle school is a good time to start exploring other social options. Try to extricate your child from the Queen Bee.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is all the adults’ fault:

Amy’s mom shouldn’t have let Any exclude Sara

OP should’ve taught her daughter long ago never to mention parties if you aren’t 100% sure the other person HAS BEEN invited. Bringing up a party with “I’m sure you’ll get your invite” makes no sense. Everyone is invited at the same time. If Sara didn’t have an invite, one wasn’t coming.

Sara’s mom needed to not call the other moms and make a big deal about this. If someone doesn’t invite you to their party, you have to cope with that, not call people to get a pity invite.

THIS.

Funny how I said almost the exact same thing two posts ago and someone vehemently disagreed!!

It was definitely wrong of your daughter to bring it up (I taught my daughter at 6 years old to never talk to other friends about parties, because not everyone is always invited, and she gets it - why haven't you taught your daughter this yet??).

BUT why isn't anyone here talking about how rude it was of Sara's mom to call Amy's mom to ask why she wasn't invited?? This is middle school, land of mean girls. Sara's mom should have consoled Sara and explained how now that they're not in the same school, friendships change, she probably wasn't invited, no big deal, we'll do something fun or invite Amy over for a birthday play date, or something like that. I would *never* call another parent and ask why my daughter wasn't invited to something. That's so rude.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It was definitely wrong of your daughter to bring it up (I taught my daughter at 6 years old to never talk to other friends about parties, because not everyone is always invited, and she gets it - why haven't you taught your daughter this yet??).

BUT why isn't anyone here talking about how rude it was of Sara's mom to call Amy's mom to ask why she wasn't invited?? This is middle school, land of mean girls. Sara's mom should have consoled Sara and explained how now that they're not in the same school, friendships change, she probably wasn't invited, no big deal, we'll do something fun or invite Amy over for a birthday play date, or something like that. I would *never* call another parent and ask why my daughter wasn't invited to something. That's so rude.

Pat yourself on the back pp

Why shouldn't I be proud of the fact that my kids have some empathy and social grace? There are things that parents need to teach their kids that they're not going to learn at school. Empathy and kindness are important to our family.

[Anonymous]

OP, you know too much and are too involved