How do I get through my husband's thick skull...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You are probably making it all look easy so your DH interrupts this as "Oh, DW is great. Sure, come on over".

I was you OP. I had a newborn, 2 yr, and 4 yr old underfoot. I was a hot mess, but I pulled it off somehow. I didn't reveal my feelings, I put on a happy face for my 2 and 4 yr olds, somehow didn't miss a beat in their routine, kept the newborn alive and happy, the house was presentable, etc.
Inside myself, though, I fell apart. It didn't help that post partum hormones were making more emotional than usual. Looking back, I don't even know how I did it.

Thank you and to everyone else for their replies. I cried myself to sleep last night. He had to have known I was mad but didn't say anything after the toddler went to bed. I am 5 months pregnant now. The other day we got into a fight and instead of trying to dissolve the fight, he escalated it. I can't keep doing this with him. I will stay with him for my kids but not forever.

Please seek marriage counseling now, OP. If only for the sake of your kids.

[Anonymous]

I rarely feel sorry for men but I have unlimited sympathy for your DH, OP. If he's smart, he will get a room somewhere and stay there so you don't drive him crazy!

[Anonymous]

OP, you can't expect him to read your mind, ie "know" you were mad. And even if he thought he suspected, perhaps he didn't want to restart an arguent.

Is this a joint property? Does he help otherwise? Is your pregnancy going smoothly? (I ask because months 5-6 were probably the easiest for me.) it sounds like there's a bit more to it than your original post indicates.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:that pregnancy is hard? This is our 2nd baby but this time is harder for me. My therapist suggested showing him a video of the changes my body is going through.

Did he force you to get pregnant? Also, pregnancy is inconvenient but it isn't hard. You are pregnant not getting chemo for metastatic breast cancer. Stop whining.

I agree.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:that pregnancy is hard? This is our 2nd baby but this time is harder for me. My therapist suggested showing him a video of the changes my body is going through.

Did he force you to get pregnant? Also, pregnancy is inconvenient but it isn't hard. You are pregnant not getting chemo for metastatic breast cancer. Stop whining.

Np. Wow. You are seriously lacking in empathy. No where did op say she regretted being pregnant but what is wrong with the non pregnant appreciating the pregnant woman?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:that pregnancy is hard? This is our 2nd baby but this time is harder for me. My therapist suggested showing him a video of the changes my body is going through.

Um, what?!?! That is the dumbest advice I've ever heard.

This isn't your or DH's first rodeo. Of course, you both know the changes your body goes through, but even if DH was still clueless 2x over I don't think watching a time lapse of a growing belly is applicable here. This isn't 8th grade Health class.

It sounds more like you want him to pitch him and help out - around the house, with the older kid, empathize with you (misery loves company), let you off the hook for stuff, etc. Keep your emotions in check, so hard to do I know, but don't let petty stuff get to you and keep things in perspective.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You are probably making it all look easy so your DH interrupts this as "Oh, DW is great. Sure, come on over".

I was you OP. I had a newborn, 2 yr, and 4 yr old underfoot. I was a hot mess, but I pulled it off somehow. I didn't reveal my feelings, I put on a happy face for my 2 and 4 yr olds, somehow didn't miss a beat in their routine, kept the newborn alive and happy, the house was presentable, etc.
Inside myself, though, I fell apart. It didn't help that post partum hormones were making more emotional than usual. Looking back, I don't even know how I did it.

Thank you and to everyone else for their replies. I cried myself to sleep last night. He had to have known I was mad but didn't say anything after the toddler went to bed. I am 5 months pregnant now. The other day we got into a fight and instead of trying to dissolve the fight, he escalated it. I can't keep doing this with him. I will stay with him for my kids but not forever.

NP here. I really hate the "pregnancy makes you hormonal and irrational" explanation, but it's true to some extent. You are describing a very common scenario that happened during my second pregnancy. I think in addition to being physically exhausted I was way more emotionally volatile, including compared to my first pregnancy. That part, that each pregnancy impacts you differently, men DO NOT GET.

What helped for me was to pull DH aside and talk to him about it during a calm moment (not when I was really upset or we were arguing). I was seriously wondering if I might have mild pregnancy related anxiety or depression, but I also just wanted him to realize that I was generally going through a lot physically and emotionally and I needed him to be gentler with me.

The reality is that pregnancy can be awful for a host of reasons for a lot of people...and there aren't a lot of narratives to support that. For the most part, pregnancy is talked about as this wonderful, magical experience. My pregnancies came after years of IF treatments and losses, so you might have expected me to just be grateful. But they were really, really, really hard on me. And simply being honest about that to myself, and then DH, helped make things much better.

[Anonymous]

Wow. People here are lacking in empathy. OP both of you are calm and in a good mood sit him down and explain how you are feeling physically and emotionally. Explain that you need extra help in the house and some tlc

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:that pregnancy is hard? This is our 2nd baby but this time is harder for me. My therapist suggested showing him a video of the changes my body is going through.

Did he force you to get pregnant? Also, pregnancy is inconvenient but it isn't hard. You are pregnant not getting chemo for metastatic breast cancer. Stop whining.

I agree.

Depends on the pregnancy. Both of mine were really f--ing hard.

[Anonymous]

OP, I second the repeated advice for marriage counselling. If your DH is this much of a jerk while you're pregnant, what's he like when you're not pregnant? What kind of father is he to your older child? It shouldn't take a whole lot of asking, explaining, and cajoling for him not to act like a spoiled brat.

I also think that if he's not willing to change -- and many people can't, no matter how you explain rationally, try to invoke their empathy, blow a gasket, whatever -- then you should not sacrifice your life to this man for the sake of your kids. Kids are resilient. IMO it also doesn't benefit kids to stay trapped in a terrible marriage.