How do I get through my husband's thick skull...

[Anonymous]

Did he suddenly become self-centered?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:that pregnancy is hard? This is our 2nd baby but this time is harder for me. My therapist suggested showing him a video of the changes my body is going through.

Did he force you to get pregnant? Also, pregnancy is inconvenient but it isn't hard. You are pregnant not getting chemo for metastatic breast cancer. Stop whining.

Op should divorce DH and you can marry him, you both lack empathy. You know it takes two to get pregnant?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What is the actual issue? That he’s not empathetic or is he not physically doing something you need him to do?

OP here, it's both. It's so hot out and we needed an errand run today and I am busy AF at work and he refused to do it. His excuse was "do you know how hot it is for me?" followed by "I have taken 3 days off work to run this errand, and I went last time". The errand has to do with an investment property we're (really me) are selling. After the fact he said if I'd told him I didn't feel good or was worried about the heat I should have started with THAT instead of I'm so busy at work.

To the other poster, my therapist said there probably is a video but I'm wondering if anyone has one.

Why is the property yours, and not “ours”?

I said”we’re” selling it. But I say mostly me because I’m doing most of the work (all of the planning, negotiating etc) but he did some of the fixing up.

[Anonymous]

Marriage counseling. Appointments will be easier to manage if you start right away.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:After the fact he said if I'd told him I didn't feel good or was worried about the heat I should have started with THAT instead of I'm so busy at work..

He gave you the answer. Not sure what else you want to hear.

You made it about being busy at work, which just says your work is more important than his, rather than what a difficult time you are having being pregnant. So which is it?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:After the fact he said if I'd told him I didn't feel good or was worried about the heat I should have started with THAT instead of I'm so busy at work..

He gave you the answer. Not sure what else you want to hear.

You made it about being busy at work, which just says your work is more important than his, rather than what a difficult time you are having being pregnant. So which is it?

How is I'm busy with work not enough? He was able to take 1.25 hours to go to the beer store and was playing video games today. I worked through lunch.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:After the fact he said if I'd told him I didn't feel good or was worried about the heat I should have started with THAT instead of I'm so busy at work..

He gave you the answer. Not sure what else you want to hear.

You made it about being busy at work, which just says your work is more important than his, rather than what a difficult time you are having being pregnant. So which is it?

How is I'm busy with work not enough? He was able to take 1.25 hours to go to the beer store and was playing video games today. I worked through lunch.

Wait, I thought it was because pregnancy is hard, but now I just see you being mad at him for drinking beer and playing video games.

If you want change, you’re going to have to focus on one thing at a time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:After the fact he said if I'd told him I didn't feel good or was worried about the heat I should have started with THAT instead of I'm so busy at work..

He gave you the answer. Not sure what else you want to hear.

You made it about being busy at work, which just says your work is more important than his, rather than what a difficult time you are having being pregnant. So which is it?

How is I'm busy with work not enough? He was able to take 1.25 hours to go to the beer store and was playing video games today. I worked through lunch.

It should be, but it’s not. I think it’s because pregnancy lasts so long it becomes the new normal.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What is the actual issue? That he’s not empathetic or is he not physically doing something you need him to do?

OP here, it's both. It's so hot out and we needed an errand run today and I am busy AF at work and he refused to do it. His excuse was "do you know how hot it is for me?" followed by "I have taken 3 days off work to run this errand, and I went last time". The errand has to do with an investment property we're (really me) are selling. After the fact he said if I'd told him I didn't feel good or was worried about the heat I should have started with THAT instead of I'm so busy at work.

To the other poster, my therapist said there probably is a video but I'm wondering if anyone has one.

He's right. Listen to him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:that pregnancy is hard? This is our 2nd baby but this time is harder for me. My therapist suggested showing him a video of the changes my body is going through.

Did his skull start thickening after the wedding?

[Anonymous]

You are probably making it all look easy so your DH interrupts this as "Oh, DW is great. Sure, come on over".

I was you OP. I had a newborn, 2 yr, and 4 yr old underfoot. I was a hot mess, but I pulled it off somehow. I didn't reveal my feelings, I put on a happy face for my 2 and 4 yr olds, somehow didn't miss a beat in their routine, kept the newborn alive and happy, the house was presentable, etc.
Inside myself, though, I fell apart. It didn't help that post partum hormones were making more emotional than usual. Looking back, I don't even know how I did it.

[Anonymous]

Start faking getting stuck places and not being able to move. This actually happens to me all the time. It takes me 5-10 minutes ( sometimes longer) because of hip pain. I really cannot move and DH pulling me up would NOT work. I have to wait until my muscles relax. It mostly happens when I'm lying in bed or on the sofa.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You are probably making it all look easy so your DH interrupts this as "Oh, DW is great. Sure, come on over".

I was you OP. I had a newborn, 2 yr, and 4 yr old underfoot. I was a hot mess, but I pulled it off somehow. I didn't reveal my feelings, I put on a happy face for my 2 and 4 yr olds, somehow didn't miss a beat in their routine, kept the newborn alive and happy, the house was presentable, etc.
Inside myself, though, I fell apart. It didn't help that post partum hormones were making more emotional than usual. Looking back, I don't even know how I did it.

Thank you and to everyone else for their replies. I cried myself to sleep last night. He had to have known I was mad but didn't say anything after the toddler went to bed. I am 5 months pregnant now. The other day we got into a fight and instead of trying to dissolve the fight, he escalated it. I can't keep doing this with him. I will stay with him for my kids but not forever.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:that pregnancy is hard? This is our 2nd baby but this time is harder for me. My therapist suggested showing him a video of the changes my body is going through.

Did his skull start thickening after the wedding?

Yes, this is recent. I have a lot on my plate right now and he's not acting like my partner. We are not a team.

To the PP who suggested starting with the heat or not feeling well, I am tired of reminding him of that. "can you clean up the sink, I don't feel good". "can you put the other kid to bed, I need to lie down." "can you sweep the backyard, it's 100 degrees outside." I took a nap last night at 630. I fell asleep with he other kid playing feet from my face. I just couldn't move. isn't it obvious? That's why I wish he could understand the changes my body is going through.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You are probably making it all look easy so your DH interrupts this as "Oh, DW is great. Sure, come on over".

I was you OP. I had a newborn, 2 yr, and 4 yr old underfoot. I was a hot mess, but I pulled it off somehow. I didn't reveal my feelings, I put on a happy face for my 2 and 4 yr olds, somehow didn't miss a beat in their routine, kept the newborn alive and happy, the house was presentable, etc.
Inside myself, though, I fell apart. It didn't help that post partum hormones were making more emotional than usual. Looking back, I don't even know how I did it.

Thank you and to everyone else for their replies. I cried myself to sleep last night. He had to have known I was mad but didn't say anything after the toddler went to bed. I am 5 months pregnant now. The other day we got into a fight and instead of trying to dissolve the fight, he escalated it. I can't keep doing this with him. I will stay with him for my kids but not forever.

My husband is better now that I'm 6 months. Seriously start walking slower. Make it obvious something physical is going on with you. Men are more visual. I started walking slower about 2 weeks before the pain really started coming! I know it sounds silly but it worked!