How do I get through my husband's thick skull...

[Anonymous]

that pregnancy is hard? This is our 2nd baby but this time is harder for me. My therapist suggested showing him a video of the changes my body is going through.

[Anonymous]

I would take your therapist's advice over DCUM's. Why not try the video?

[Anonymous]

What is the actual issue? That he’s not empathetic or is he not physically doing something you need him to do?

[Anonymous]

You can't. If you tell him that you are feeling physically taxed, and he doesn't believe you/doesn't care ... it's because he lacks empathy, not because there's some magic thing you could tell him that would make him understand. He knows the facts - he just doesn't care ; or just isn't able to actually understand what they mean to you.

I would try marriage counseling if this is a constant issue. Not because it will help him grow empathy, but because it will help you learn to ask for what you need, accept his limitations, and hopefully teach him to listen and respond to you.

[Anonymous]

Gah my DH is like this too. And it got worse postpartum. His parents: How is your wife? DH: she's doing spectacular and is planning vacations and is bored, want us to come visit? When in reality I was nursing and crying in a corner. I was desperate for help.

[Anonymous]

You don’t but when he gets a kidney stone you treat him like it’s no big deal.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What is the actual issue? That he’s not empathetic or is he not physically doing something you need him to do?

OP here, it's both. It's so hot out and we needed an errand run today and I am busy AF at work and he refused to do it. His excuse was "do you know how hot it is for me?" followed by "I have taken 3 days off work to run this errand, and I went last time". The errand has to do with an investment property we're (really me) are selling. After the fact he said if I'd told him I didn't feel good or was worried about the heat I should have started with THAT instead of I'm so busy at work.

To the other poster, my therapist said there probably is a video but I'm wondering if anyone has one.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You don’t but when he gets a kidney stone you treat him like it’s no big deal.

I'd rather us both just treat each other with the empathy and help and support we deserve.

[Anonymous]

Maybe take him to one of your appointments and have your midwife/doctor yell at him? I mean... gently educate him about what's going on with your body....

[Anonymous]

No empaphy or a very bad family model from father/mother. my DH has 3 younger siblings. FIL never gave a shit and MIL wanted to keep having babies. She ended up doing all the work. They split. Now my DH wants to discuss why i am doing fewer kitchen chores 2 weeks before the due date. If i hit him with a skillet on the head - would that count as a kitchen task?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What is the actual issue? That he’s not empathetic or is he not physically doing something you need him to do?

OP here, it's both. It's so hot out and we needed an errand run today and I am busy AF at work and he refused to do it. His excuse was "do you know how hot it is for me?" followed by "I have taken 3 days off work to run this errand, and I went last time". The errand has to do with an investment property we're (really me) are selling. After the fact he said if I'd told him I didn't feel good or was worried about the heat I should have started with THAT instead of I'm so busy at work.

To the other poster, my therapist said there probably is a video but I'm wondering if anyone has one.

Why is the property yours, and not “ours”?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What is the actual issue? That he’s not empathetic or is he not physically doing something you need him to do?

OP here, it's both. It's so hot out and we needed an errand run today and I am busy AF at work and he refused to do it. His excuse was "do you know how hot it is for me?" followed by "I have taken 3 days off work to run this errand, and I went last time". The errand has to do with an investment property we're (really me) are selling. After the fact he said if I'd told him I didn't feel good or was worried about the heat I should have started with THAT instead of I'm so busy at work.

To the other poster, my therapist said there probably is a video but I'm wondering if anyone has one.

This is what he needs to hear, a reset of expectations: "Look, Honey, any time that it's hot for you, it's going to be hot for me too. And, because I am pregnant, it's much easier for me to get fatigued and hydrated. I didn't point that out because I thought it was a given--please treat it like a given. How we've normally split chores doesn't work right now because my body is busy making this baby 24-7. It costs me physically and emotionally. I need you to step up and do more of the chores and household stuff and don't make me waste energy arguing with you about it."

[Anonymous]

Remind him that pregnant women are considered a vulnerable group during heat advisories too--this is a medical issue for you and the baby.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:that pregnancy is hard? This is our 2nd baby but this time is harder for me. My therapist suggested showing him a video of the changes my body is going through.

Did he force you to get pregnant? Also, pregnancy is inconvenient but it isn't hard. You are pregnant not getting chemo for metastatic breast cancer. Stop whining.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You don’t but when he gets a kidney stone you treat him like it’s no big deal.

LOL. +1

My good friend has experienced having a baby AND having a kidney stone (different times). She said the kidney stone hurt worse. Men get them starting in their 40’s I think. His time may come.