Class and cultural differences with nanny

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don’t think this is a class or cultural thing. Our nanny is not originally from here and became a US citizen not long ago. She is super great at navigating this kind of stuff.

+1 Mine too. She signed up for Obamacare on her own. I never had to help her with that. Occasionally, I give advice when she gets back medical tests from a family members and doesn't know what type of specialist to call, but the Obamacare stuff was designed to be sort of user friendly.

[Anonymous]

I don't want to take this thread in a different direction. But I have some sympathy with you nanny's 'disorganization' when it comes to healthcare. I come from a socialized healthcare system (European country), and I cannot believe how bureaucratic and nonsensical this system is. I'm organized in every other area of my life, but I keep falling down on the healthcare side of things - possibly due to denial / disbelief at how things work

[Anonymous]

Signing in to commiserate. My nanny also goes to the ER for every health ailment. She even calls an ambulance when we're not home even though we give her a car to drive. She has Medicaid though so I'm not responsible for it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, if you think this is a class or cultural issue, you like in a dangerous bubble. You need to meet more people who aren’t middle class Anglos.

Op here. I guess I thought this was a class/cultural thing. She just doesn’t seem to get how things work in the US, and she struggles to learn.

I’ve had the benefit of decades of living here, and so did my parents, etc.

I don’t think she grasps things like health insurance, or car registration. Her home country has nationalized health care.

How about writing down next time what she needs to do. Step by step with little square next to it for checking once it is done. Put it on the fridge or wherever board and check with her from time to time the progress. She truly might need more time to get a hang of the differences in life here and there
things can get overwhelming for someone who has no reference from the past life in the other country.
You are doing good thing but also make sure you can manage this.

I am guessing you got a better rate from her since she has no experience so this is why you are keeping her and trying to help her but this gets frustrating for you. Well this is a price to pay and if you let her go
then it is like you took advantage of her.

I would definitely try to help her to settle and if she is young then this is another factor, she might
be just little immature like kids her age here. Look at her a little like your future kid and be patient.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My relatives are like this. They moved from South Asia in the late 90s but still haven't fully assimilated. They do the same things as your nanny. Ignoring prudent advice, going to the ER for non-emergencies, etc. I don't think it's a class or cultural thing.

Op here, ok what is it then, if not a class or a cultural thing?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Signing in to commiserate. My nanny also goes to the ER for every health ailment. She even calls an ambulance when we're not home even though we give her a car to drive. She has Medicaid though so I'm not responsible for it.

Op here. I’m not responsible for her medical costs but I care about her and have tried and tried to explain how things work here because I care about our nanny and I want to see her do well here.

[Anonymous]

You are too involved in her life. You need to take a step back and treat her like an employee (not a friend), or let her go.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, if you think this is a class or cultural issue, you like in a dangerous bubble. You need to meet more people who aren’t middle class Anglos.

Op here. I guess I thought this was a class/cultural thing. She just doesn’t seem to get how things work in the US, and she struggles to learn.

I’ve had the benefit of decades of living here, and so did my parents, etc.

I don’t think she grasps things like health insurance, or car registration. Her home country has nationalized health care.

How about writing down next time what she needs to do. Step by step with little square next to it for checking once it is done. Put it on the fridge or wherever board and check with her from time to time the progress. She truly might need more time to get a hang of the differences in life here and there
things can get overwhelming for someone who has no reference from the past life in the other country.
You are doing good thing but also make sure you can manage this.

I am guessing you got a better rate from her since she has no experience so this is why you are keeping her and trying to help her but this gets frustrating for you. Well this is a price to pay and if you let her go
then it is like you took advantage of her.

I would definitely try to help her to settle and if she is young then this is another factor, she might
be just little immature like kids her age here. Look at her a little like your future kid and be patient.

Op here. She’s not young (early 40s).

I really think less involvement is what I need, not more.

I didn’t bring her here and I’m not her sponsor.

Yeah I do pay less than I would for one of the $30/hour nannies you hear about on here but I wanted someone who speaks Spanish. Her previous job was in a kitchen. she’s much happier in this gig. I also pay on the books, way more than minimum wage and she gets a lot of paid time off and other perks and benefits.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You are too involved in her life. You need to take a step back and treat her like an employee (not a friend), or let her go.

Op here. I agree. Letting her go doesn’t feel like an option because my kids are so completely bonded to her.

I’m working on taking a step back, but I’m worried it’s going to be hard to change this dynamic because it’s gone on for so long.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't want to take this thread in a different direction. But I have some sympathy with you nanny's 'disorganization' when it comes to healthcare. I come from a socialized healthcare system (European country), and I cannot believe how bureaucratic and nonsensical this system is. I'm organized in every other area of my life, but I keep falling down on the healthcare side of things - possibly due to denial / disbelief at how things work

Op here. I’m sympathetic, really I am. I actually lived in her home country for a couple years and I understand how different life is there compared to here.

She’s organized when it comes to the kids and their things and their schedule. She just sucks at these other kinds of tasks.

[Anonymous]

She sucks at them because she is basically learning a new language in her early 40s, albeit a financial language.

From the moment I read your post, I had a feeling she came from nationalized healthcare. And I was correct.

My own husband and brother have problems navigating the insurance and medical bills issues and they have lived here all their lives. I worked as a medical billing specialist and read the entire ACA for an ethics paper.

You need to tell her where to go instead of the ER. How much is her urgent care copay? Does she have a PCP?

The registration stuff can get bad quickly. Does she drive your kids? If she gets pulled over with an expired registration or license, the car can be impounded (ask me how I know )

[Anonymous]

OP every once in awhile my MIL would give me great advice : one was Don’t get so involved with your employees life. It just builds resentment on both sides.

[Anonymous]

Also very few people actually pay $30/hr for their nanny. I would replace her because as she goes farther and farther in debt she’s going to ask you for more pay. You are not responsible for her mistakes. You did what you could. But she’s not going to see it that way.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Also very few people actually pay $30/hr for their nanny. I would replace her because as she goes farther and farther in debt she’s going to ask you for more pay. You are not responsible for her mistakes. You did what you could. But she’s not going to see it that way.

Op here. I do think you’re right about all of this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:She sucks at them because she is basically learning a new language in her early 40s, albeit a financial language.

From the moment I read your post, I had a feeling she came from nationalized healthcare. And I was correct.

My own husband and brother have problems navigating the insurance and medical bills issues and they have lived here all their lives. I worked as a medical billing specialist and read the entire ACA for an ethics paper.

You need to tell her where to go instead of the ER. How much is her urgent care copay? Does she have a PCP?

The registration stuff can get bad quickly. Does she drive your kids? If she gets pulled over with an expired registration or license, the car can be impounded (ask me how I know )

Op here. I agree. That’s why I framed this as a class/cultural thing. I’ve had the benefit of generations of education, wealth (albeit middle class, but still much more than most of the world has). The nanny has only been in America a few years. Most of her friends, neighbors, and acquaintances have the same sorts of problems and aren’t very good at helping her solve things. That’s why I try to help. I’m the only middle class educated American she knows. She doesn’t have the network to call on that I do of people who just know how the world works.

I guess it just grates on me so much when I take all this time to help her and she only half listens or doesn’t follow through.

She did get her car registered, I took leave so she could go yesterday. I didn’t even ask her how it went (trying to stay out of things more now!) but she got it done.