Can I legally ask a nanny candidate if she has children?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op I’ve never had a nanny but know all about my sisters experiences with hers. Ironically, the worst were childless nannies! Always late, “sick”, calling out, lazy with light housework and so on. Her best nanny (who is now a family friend) was mother to a 5 year old and also pregnant at one point. Insanely reliable, probably bc she had a kid and knew what it’s like.

“Light housework”? We all know what kind of nannies you employ.

Picking up toys, cleaning up after kids meal prep/dishwasher are all related to the job, no?

[Anonymous]

You will find out in a friendly, open interview. Yes, of course, you can ask in a conversational way.

Fearing child-related absences, we hired a brilliant older nanny. She has never once called in sick or been one nanosecond late. And she is just a great, dedicated and devoted nanny.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op I’ve never had a nanny but know all about my sisters experiences with hers. Ironically, the worst were childless nannies! Always late, “sick”, calling out, lazy with light housework and so on. Her best nanny (who is now a family friend) was mother to a 5 year old and also pregnant at one point. Insanely reliable, probably bc she had a kid and knew what it’s like.

“Light housework”? We all know what kind of nannies you employ.

Picking up toys, cleaning up after kids meal prep/dishwasher are all related to the job, no?

Not unloading the dishwasher. And that is not “light housekeeping”.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op I’ve never had a nanny but know all about my sisters experiences with hers. Ironically, the worst were childless nannies! Always late, “sick”, calling out, lazy with light housework and so on. Her best nanny (who is now a family friend) was mother to a 5 year old and also pregnant at one point. Insanely reliable, probably bc she had a kid and knew what it’s like.

“Light housework”? We all know what kind of nannies you employ.

Picking up toys, cleaning up after kids meal prep/dishwasher are all related to the job, no?

+1 Plenty of nannies do light housework. In fact those are often the ones who don't have to find a new job every year because their job duties morph as their charges grow older.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You will find out in a friendly, open interview. Yes, of course, you can ask in a conversational way.

Fearing child-related absences, we hired a brilliant older nanny. She has never once called in sick or been one nanosecond late. And she is just a great, dedicated and devoted nanny.

Funny. My friend feared child-related absences and hired an older nanny with strong references. She called in regularly for a back issue that had started up in the year she was hired and they were very unhappy. Neither youth nor age is a reliable proxy for reliability.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:A nanny position isn’t like an office job. There is no one to cover for her if she can’t come to work if her child is home sick. Fair or unfair, it is what it is. Not all jobs are right for all stages of a person’s life. Nannies with school aged children should work in daycares or preschools where there is someone to cover continual unexpected absences.

That is the truth.

I'm curious what job you have? Because if you think that it's easy for office jobs or daycare/preschool jobs to have someone cover, then it would seem that it would be easy for your office to cover for you, right? So you can just be your own back up provider.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Just curious whether people think having a nanny who abandoned her own children (deadbeat mom) is relevant to the hiring decision. We found out after we hired her (wages were garnished for unpaid child support) and fired her for other reasons (insanely unreliable and bad judgment), but I was super uncomfortable with it once I knew she had abandoned a kid. That’s the sort of thing that would never be relevant to another kind of job...but seemed relevant here.

So you didn’t check her references or do a background check til after you hired her? Seems like a error filled hiring process. I would never hire someone who had the characteristics you mention.

+1 Doing a background check and checking references are all perfectly legal. Asking a nanny candidate outright about having children, not so much.
https://www.betterteam.com/illegal-interview-questions
Illegal job interview questions solicit information from job candidates that could be used to discriminate against them. Asking questions about a candidate's race, religion, or gender could open a company up to a discrimination lawsuit.

Asking questions on these topics can result in charges of discrimination, an investigation by the U.S. Equal Employment Opportunity Commission (EEOC), and potentially a lawsuit if the issue cannot be resolved.

Legal: Do you have any commitments that might prevent you from working the assigned shifts?
Illegal: Are you married? Are you single? Do you have any children?

Ask all candidates about outside commitments, not just women, or it will be seen as discriminatory.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You will find out in a friendly, open interview. Yes, of course, you can ask in a conversational way.

Fearing child-related absences, we hired a brilliant older nanny. She has never once called in sick or been one nanosecond late. And she is just a great, dedicated and devoted nanny.

Funny. My friend feared child-related absences and hired an older nanny with strong references. She called in regularly for a back issue that had started up in the year she was hired and they were very unhappy. Neither youth nor age is a reliable proxy for reliability.

+1 All else fixed, young people are more likely to switch jobs and older people are more likely to have health issues. At the end of the day you choose the best person for the job and hope for the best. Your employee isn't a robot, and you treat them with same kindness and the dignity you would like to be treated with (which means not asking them any inappropriate interview questions).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You will find out in a friendly, open interview. Yes, of course, you can ask in a conversational way.

Fearing child-related absences, we hired a brilliant older nanny. She has never once called in sick or been one nanosecond late. And she is just a great, dedicated and devoted nanny.

+1. Same with us. Our nanny is healthy as a horse and has more energy than we do. She’s also raised her family and is now dedicated to our kids. In seven years, the only times (maybe 4) that she has been sick is when my kids gave her the stomach bug.

I know I was discriminated against because I had a baby when I started my career. It feels awful but it is what it is. Some careers don’t lend themselves to lots of unexpected absences due to lack of childcare.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op I’ve never had a nanny but know all about my sisters experiences with hers. Ironically, the worst were childless nannies! Always late, “sick”, calling out, lazy with light housework and so on. Her best nanny (who is now a family friend) was mother to a 5 year old and also pregnant at one point. Insanely reliable, probably bc she had a kid and knew what it’s like.

“Light housework”? We all know what kind of nannies you employ.

Picking up toys, cleaning up after kids meal prep/dishwasher are all related to the job, no?

+1 Plenty of nannies do light housework. In fact those are often the ones who don't have to find a new job every year because their job duties morph as their charges grow older.

Nannies may do tasks related to their charge.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op I’ve never had a nanny but know all about my sisters experiences with hers. Ironically, the worst were childless nannies! Always late, “sick”, calling out, lazy with light housework and so on. Her best nanny (who is now a family friend) was mother to a 5 year old and also pregnant at one point. Insanely reliable, probably bc she had a kid and knew what it’s like.

“Light housework”? We all know what kind of nannies you employ.

Picking up toys, cleaning up after kids meal prep/dishwasher are all related to the job, no?

+1 Plenty of nannies do light housework. In fact those are often the ones who don't have to find a new job every year because their job duties morph as their charges grow older.

Nannies may do tasks related to their charge.

Which is never called “light housework”. And lots of nannies today specialize in infant/toddler care or have no interest in working for a family once the youngest starts school.

I think you have a really outdated idea of what parents want in a nanny today. We want teachers not cleaners.

[Anonymous]

All the real-life families I know who hire nannies expect light housework but every nanny on DCUM claims it’s a crime against humanity to expect. Something weird going on there.

And then the DCUM nannies say, if you expect light housework your nanny will compromise on care and just sit your kid in front of a screen while they’re doing those tasks. As if every single SAHM is providing her kids with sub-par care because she’s also maintaining the household cleanliness. It’s wild.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:All the real-life families I know who hire nannies expect light housework but every nanny on DCUM claims it’s a crime against humanity to expect. Something weird going on there.

And then the DCUM nannies say, if you expect light housework your nanny will compromise on care and just sit your kid in front of a screen while they’re doing those tasks. As if every single SAHM is providing her kids with sub-par care because she’s also maintaining the household cleanliness. It’s wild.

I don't really have an opinion on nanny housework, as I've never used a nanny, but I also think that the idea of an adult, whether a parent or paid, doing nothing but doting on a child is problematic. It's good for kids to be told they need to play alone so the adult can put the dishes in the dishwasher. It's good for kids to go places that are boring like the grocery store, and learn to adapt their behavior to the environment. Not every minute of every day, but for portions of the day. Kids in daycare, or kids with SAHP's and siblings, or kids whose parent is at home but has another responsibility get this naturally, and they turn out fine.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:All the real-life families I know who hire nannies expect light housework but every nanny on DCUM claims it’s a crime against humanity to expect. Something weird going on there.

And then the DCUM nannies say, if you expect light housework your nanny will compromise on care and just sit your kid in front of a screen while they’re doing those tasks. As if every single SAHM is providing her kids with sub-par care because she’s also maintaining the household cleanliness. It’s wild.

The families I know have foreign nannies who can’t post on DCUM because of the language barrier. The nannies who post on DCUM are generally educated and Native American. Two totally different type of nannies.

Our nanny is a teacher. She does chores related to our son but wasn’t hired for housekeeping. When he plays alone, she is still watching him while she folds his laundry or makes his meals. She takes him to the grocery store for his food. We wanted a college graduate and a former teacher to engage him and that is what we got. I have friends with the housekeeper-nanny types who speak primarily Spanish. Nothing wrong with it but not what we wanted.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:All the real-life families I know who hire nannies expect light housework but every nanny on DCUM claims it’s a crime against humanity to expect. Something weird going on there.

And then the DCUM nannies say, if you expect light housework your nanny will compromise on care and just sit your kid in front of a screen while they’re doing those tasks. As if every single SAHM is providing her kids with sub-par care because she’s also maintaining the household cleanliness. It’s wild.

I don't really have an opinion on nanny housework, as I've never used a nanny, but I also think that the idea of an adult, whether a parent or paid, doing nothing but doting on a child is problematic. It's good for kids to be told they need to play alone so the adult can put the dishes in the dishwasher. It's good for kids to go places that are boring like the grocery store, and learn to adapt their behavior to the environment. Not every minute of every day, but for portions of the day. Kids in daycare, or kids with SAHP's and siblings, or kids whose parent is at home but has another responsibility get this naturally, and they turn out fine.

Of course the nannies who tirelessly post on here about “omg nannies aren’t maids don’t ask them to unload a dishwasher!” aren’t actually doting on the kids. They’re on their phones. Policing the expectations of parents on the internet all day.