Can I legally ask a nanny candidate if she has children?

[Anonymous]

I think its very important to establish with a nanny in the interview that you are not comfortable with her bringing her child to your home for whatever reason. Nannies will avoid asking and then hope that you say yes or put you in the position of choosing for her not to come in or being allowed to bring her child -which can become much more frequent. This type of nanny is not a good fit for employers who do not want the liability and or issues that come with a nanny sometimes bringing her child to work. You can end up with your child being taken along on appointments etc.

You don't need to ask her if she has kids but be very clear that she can not bring her child to work. If she doesn't have kids she'll say that she doesn't have kids. If she does say that she has kids, you can make sure to add that attendance and timeliness is an important part of the job and that she will need her own childcare and attend appointments outside of work. Some nannies have family at home that can watch their child so it isn't an issue.

There are some employers who will trade a discounted rate for more flexibility and this is a better match for a nanny that wants to occasionally bring her child or bring your child along with hers for an appointment. It is a very bad fit for an employer that doesn't want this and a nanny that needs this.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:Op I’ve never had a nanny but know all about my sisters experiences with hers. Ironically, the worst were childless nannies! Always late, “sick”, calling out, lazy with light housework and so on. Her best nanny (who is now a family friend) was mother to a 5 year old and also pregnant at one point. Insanely reliable, probably bc she had a kid and knew what it’s like.

“Light housework”? We all know what kind of nannies you employ.

Picking up toys, cleaning up after kids meal prep/dishwasher are all related to the job, no?

+1 Plenty of nannies do light housework. In fact those are often the ones who don't have to find a new job every year because their job duties morph as their charges grow older.

Nannies may do tasks related to their charge.

Which is never called “light housework”. And lots of nannies today specialize in infant/toddler care or have no interest in working for a family once the youngest starts school.

I think you have a really outdated idea of what parents want in a nanny today. We want teachers not cleaners.

I’m surprised you can’t understand that different nannies have different job duties, just as different types of doctors and teachers perform different duties based on their preferences and skilled. All the people I know who have had long term nannies have had them do different types of duties as the kids change in age. The nannies who I interviewed who turned their noses up at folding laundry were the nannies who had tons of turnover in their job history.

Again, not all nannies want to stay after the child is in school. If you want a housekeeper-nanny, your post is true. If you want a teacher-nanny, your post is wrong.

This exactly.

+1. Our nanny was like this - purely a teacher/governess type - and she has remained in my son’s life since he started school. She is my son’s “best friend”. And no, she never did housework nor did we want her to.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:Op I’ve never had a nanny but know all about my sisters experiences with hers. Ironically, the worst were childless nannies! Always late, “sick”, calling out, lazy with light housework and so on. Her best nanny (who is now a family friend) was mother to a 5 year old and also pregnant at one point. Insanely reliable, probably bc she had a kid and knew what it’s like.

“Light housework”? We all know what kind of nannies you employ.

Picking up toys, cleaning up after kids meal prep/dishwasher are all related to the job, no?

+1 Plenty of nannies do light housework. In fact those are often the ones who don't have to find a new job every year because their job duties morph as their charges grow older.

Nannies may do tasks related to their charge.

Which is never called “light housework”. And lots of nannies today specialize in infant/toddler care or have no interest in working for a family once the youngest starts school.

I think you have a really outdated idea of what parents want in a nanny today. We want teachers not cleaners.

I’m surprised you can’t understand that different nannies have different job duties, just as different types of doctors and teachers perform different duties based on their preferences and skilled. All the people I know who have had long term nannies have had them do different types of duties as the kids change in age. The nannies who I interviewed who turned their noses up at folding laundry were the nannies who had tons of turnover in their job history.

Again, not all nannies want to stay after the child is in school. If you want a housekeeper-nanny, your post is true. If you want a teacher-nanny, your post is wrong.

some nannies get attached to their charges and want to stay with them, even if the duties become more housekeeper nanny in nature. If you don't mind jumping from position to position every 2-3 years, well, you do you. we've gone out of our way to keep our spectacular nanny even when we didn't need so many hours from her, and she's been happy to accommodate because she loves our kids.

+1 nannies who want any sort of job stability will adapt as their kids grow.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op I’ve never had a nanny but know all about my sisters experiences with hers. Ironically, the worst were childless nannies! Always late, “sick”, calling out, lazy with light housework and so on. Her best nanny (who is now a family friend) was mother to a 5 year old and also pregnant at one point. Insanely reliable, probably bc she had a kid and knew what it’s like.

“Light housework”? We all know what kind of nannies you employ.

Picking up toys, cleaning up after kids meal prep/dishwasher are all related to the job, no?

+1 Plenty of nannies do light housework. In fact those are often the ones who don't have to find a new job every year because their job duties morph as their charges grow older.

Nannies may do tasks related to their charge.

Which is never called “light housework”. And lots of nannies today specialize in infant/toddler care or have no interest in working for a family once the youngest starts school.

I think you have a really outdated idea of what parents want in a nanny today. We want teachers not cleaners.

I’m surprised you can’t understand that different nannies have different job duties, just as different types of doctors and teachers perform different duties based on their preferences and skilled. All the people I know who have had long term nannies have had them do different types of duties as the kids change in age. The nannies who I interviewed who turned their noses up at folding laundry were the nannies who had tons of turnover in their job history.

Again, not all nannies want to stay after the child is in school. If you want a housekeeper-nanny, your post is true. If you want a teacher-nanny, your post is wrong.

some nannies get attached to their charges and want to stay with them, even if the duties become more housekeeper nanny in nature. If you don't mind jumping from position to position every 2-3 years, well, you do you. we've gone out of our way to keep our spectacular nanny even when we didn't need so many hours from her, and she's been happy to accommodate because she loves our kids.

+1 nannies who want any sort of job stability will adapt as their kids grow.

You are purposely not understanding the points made. Yes, of course, some nannies will adjust and become housekeepers but none of those nannies were ever the teacher/nanny type. Why are you belaboring this? Of course you can find a loving nanny, usually a foreign born woman, who will clean your house and babysit your children.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op I’ve never had a nanny but know all about my sisters experiences with hers. Ironically, the worst were childless nannies! Always late, “sick”, calling out, lazy with light housework and so on. Her best nanny (who is now a family friend) was mother to a 5 year old and also pregnant at one point. Insanely reliable, probably bc she had a kid and knew what it’s like.

“Light housework”? We all know what kind of nannies you employ.

Picking up toys, cleaning up after kids meal prep/dishwasher are all related to the job, no?

+1 Plenty of nannies do light housework. In fact those are often the ones who don't have to find a new job every year because their job duties morph as their charges grow older.

Nannies may do tasks related to their charge.

Which is never called “light housework”. And lots of nannies today specialize in infant/toddler care or have no interest in working for a family once the youngest starts school.

I think you have a really outdated idea of what parents want in a nanny today. We want teachers not cleaners.

I’m surprised you can’t understand that different nannies have different job duties, just as different types of doctors and teachers perform different duties based on their preferences and skilled. All the people I know who have had long term nannies have had them do different types of duties as the kids change in age. The nannies who I interviewed who turned their noses up at folding laundry were the nannies who had tons of turnover in their job history.

Again, not all nannies want to stay after the child is in school. If you want a housekeeper-nanny, your post is true. If you want a teacher-nanny, your post is wrong.

some nannies get attached to their charges and want to stay with them, even if the duties become more housekeeper nanny in nature. If you don't mind jumping from position to position every 2-3 years, well, you do you. we've gone out of our way to keep our spectacular nanny even when we didn't need so many hours from her, and she's been happy to accommodate because she loves our kids.

+1 nannies who want any sort of job stability will adapt as their kids grow.

You are purposely not understanding the points made. Yes, of course, some nannies will adjust and become housekeepers but none of those nannies were ever the teacher/nanny type. Why are you belaboring this? Of course you can find a loving nanny, usually a foreign born woman, who will clean your house and babysit your children.

This is exactly correct. When your job becomes something different, so does your title. The person cleaning your house, is your cleaner or housekeeper. Perhaps she does your babysitting on the side.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op I’ve never had a nanny but know all about my sisters experiences with hers. Ironically, the worst were childless nannies! Always late, “sick”, calling out, lazy with light housework and so on. Her best nanny (who is now a family friend) was mother to a 5 year old and also pregnant at one point. Insanely reliable, probably bc she had a kid and knew what it’s like.

“Light housework”? We all know what kind of nannies you employ.

Picking up toys, cleaning up after kids meal prep/dishwasher are all related to the job, no?

+1 Plenty of nannies do light housework. In fact those are often the ones who don't have to find a new job every year because their job duties morph as their charges grow older.

Nannies may do tasks related to their charge.

Which is never called “light housework”. And lots of nannies today specialize in infant/toddler care or have no interest in working for a family once the youngest starts school.

I think you have a really outdated idea of what parents want in a nanny today. We want teachers not cleaners.

I’m surprised you can’t understand that different nannies have different job duties, just as different types of doctors and teachers perform different duties based on their preferences and skilled. All the people I know who have had long term nannies have had them do different types of duties as the kids change in age. The nannies who I interviewed who turned their noses up at folding laundry were the nannies who had tons of turnover in their job history.

Again, not all nannies want to stay after the child is in school. If you want a housekeeper-nanny, your post is true. If you want a teacher-nanny, your post is wrong.

some nannies get attached to their charges and want to stay with them, even if the duties become more housekeeper nanny in nature. If you don't mind jumping from position to position every 2-3 years, well, you do you. we've gone out of our way to keep our spectacular nanny even when we didn't need so many hours from her, and she's been happy to accommodate because she loves our kids.

+1 nannies who want any sort of job stability will adapt as their kids grow.

You are purposely not understanding the points made. Yes, of course, some nannies will adjust and become housekeepers but none of those nannies were ever the teacher/nanny type. Why are you belaboring this? Of course you can find a loving nanny, usually a foreign born woman, who will clean your house and babysit your children.

This is exactly correct. When your job becomes something different, so does your title. The person cleaning your house, is your cleaner or housekeeper. Perhaps she does your babysitting on the side.

I clean my house sometimes, doesn't make me a housekeeper. A nanny is a nanny even when their mix of duties adjusts. You don't need to insult foreign born women who prioritize a stable job with a good family, rather than job hopping every 2 years because they can't stomach the thought of emptying the dishwasher.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:All the real-life families I know who hire nannies expect light housework but every nanny on DCUM claims it’s a crime against humanity to expect. Something weird going on there.

And then the DCUM nannies say, if you expect light housework your nanny will compromise on care and just sit your kid in front of a screen while they’re doing those tasks. As if every single SAHM is providing her kids with sub-par care because she’s also maintaining the household cleanliness. It’s wild.

I don't really have an opinion on nanny housework, as I've never used a nanny, but I also think that the idea of an adult, whether a parent or paid, doing nothing but doting on a child is problematic. It's good for kids to be told they need to play alone so the adult can put the dishes in the dishwasher. It's good for kids to go places that are boring like the grocery store, and learn to adapt their behavior to the environment. Not every minute of every day, but for portions of the day. Kids in daycare, or kids with SAHP's and siblings, or kids whose parent is at home but has another responsibility get this naturally, and they turn out fine.

Of course the nannies who tirelessly post on here about “omg nannies aren’t maids don’t ask them to unload a dishwasher!” aren’t actually doting on the kids. They’re on their phones. Policing the expectations of parents on the internet all day.

That isn’t true.

+1. It isn’t true and is so hurtful. Nannies, especially the experienced and educated ones, work so hard for the benefit of their charges. They chose this profession. Yet because they don’t wash floors or do the pick up their employers laundry from the floor, they are insulted and lied about.

they can’t even match a SAHM in productivity. No insult. Just facts.

Productivity? Maybe SAHMs should worry more about engaging their babies than chalking up housekeeping chores.

Wow. The two of yoy are doing such a good job of insulting nannies and SAHMs. I guess a woman just cannot win either way, huh?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:Just curious whether people think having a nanny who abandoned her own children (deadbeat mom) is relevant to the hiring decision. We found out after we hired her (wages were garnished for unpaid child support) and fired her for other reasons (insanely unreliable and bad judgment), but I was super uncomfortable with it once I knew she had abandoned a kid. That’s the sort of thing that would never be relevant to another kind of job...but seemed relevant here.

So you didn’t check her references or do a background check til after you hired her? Seems like a error filled hiring process. I would never hire someone who had the characteristics you mention.

+1 Doing a background check and checking references are all perfectly legal. Asking a nanny candidate outright about having children, not so much.
https://www.betterteam.com/illegal-interview-questions
Illegal job interview questions solicit information from job candidates that could be used to discriminate against them. Asking questions about a candidate's race, religion, or gender could open a company up to a discrimination lawsuit.

Asking questions on these topics can result in charges of discrimination, an investigation by the U.S. Equal Employment Opportunity Commission (EEOC), and potentially a lawsuit if the issue cannot be resolved.

Legal: Do you have any commitments that might prevent you from working the assigned shifts?
Illegal: Are you married? Are you single? Do you have any children?

Ask all candidates about outside commitments, not just women, or it will be seen as discriminatory.

You are citing the EEOC, which has a FAQ to help you understand whether or not its regulations apply in a given circumstance. Spoiler alert: what you post is not relevant to having a single employee.

There may be other state and local laws that apply, and of course, just being legal does not make an action ethical. However, you can't make federal laws apply when they don't, just because you think they ought to.

1. Do the federal employment discrimination laws enforced by EEOC apply to my business?

It depends on how many employees your business has:

• If you have at least one employee: You are covered by the law that requires employers to provide equal pay for equal work to male and female employees.

• If you have 15 to 19 employees: You are covered by the laws that prohibit discrimination based on race, color, religion, sex (including pregnancy, sexual orientation, or gender identity), national origin, disability and genetic information (including family medical history). You are also covered by the law that requires employers to provide equal pay for equal work.

• If you have 20 or more employees: You are covered by the laws that prohibit discrimination based on race, color, religion, sex (including pregnancy, sexual orientation, or gender identity), national origin, age (40 or older), disability and genetic information (including family medical history). You are also covered by the law that requires employers to provide equal pay for equal work.

State and/or local employment discrimination laws may also apply to your business. State and local government websites may have information about these laws.

https://www.eeoc.gov/employers/smallbusiness/faq/do_laws_apply.cfm

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op I’ve never had a nanny but know all about my sisters experiences with hers. Ironically, the worst were childless nannies! Always late, “sick”, calling out, lazy with light housework and so on. Her best nanny (who is now a family friend) was mother to a 5 year old and also pregnant at one point. Insanely reliable, probably bc she had a kid and knew what it’s like.

“Light housework”? We all know what kind of nannies you employ.

Picking up toys, cleaning up after kids meal prep/dishwasher are all related to the job, no?

+1 Plenty of nannies do light housework. In fact those are often the ones who don't have to find a new job every year because their job duties morph as their charges grow older.

Nannies may do tasks related to their charge.

Which is never called “light housework”. And lots of nannies today specialize in infant/toddler care or have no interest in working for a family once the youngest starts school.

I think you have a really outdated idea of what parents want in a nanny today. We want teachers not cleaners.

I’m surprised you can’t understand that different nannies have different job duties, just as different types of doctors and teachers perform different duties based on their preferences and skilled. All the people I know who have had long term nannies have had them do different types of duties as the kids change in age. The nannies who I interviewed who turned their noses up at folding laundry were the nannies who had tons of turnover in their job history.

Again, not all nannies want to stay after the child is in school. If you want a housekeeper-nanny, your post is true. If you want a teacher-nanny, your post is wrong.

some nannies get attached to their charges and want to stay with them, even if the duties become more housekeeper nanny in nature. If you don't mind jumping from position to position every 2-3 years, well, you do you. we've gone out of our way to keep our spectacular nanny even when we didn't need so many hours from her, and she's been happy to accommodate because she loves our kids.

+1 nannies who want any sort of job stability will adapt as their kids grow.

You are purposely not understanding the points made. Yes, of course, some nannies will adjust and become housekeepers but none of those nannies were ever the teacher/nanny type. Why are you belaboring this? Of course you can find a loving nanny, usually a foreign born woman, who will clean your house and babysit your children.

This is exactly correct. When your job becomes something different, so does your title. The person cleaning your house, is your cleaner or housekeeper. Perhaps she does your babysitting on the side.

I clean my house sometimes, doesn't make me a housekeeper. A nanny is a nanny even when their mix of duties adjusts. You don't need to insult foreign born women who prioritize a stable job with a good family, rather than job hopping every 2 years because they can't stomach the thought of emptying the dishwasher.

Yes, many elementary school teachers become the school janitor when their principal’s request their job change.

Come on, PP! You still don’t get it! Everyone has been trying to explain it to you and the posts fly over your head!

[Anonymous]

^^The comparison would be there are no more elementary kids left and all the kids graduated school. The building is now an adult home and housekeeping along with some ESL teaching needed. The elementary teacher needs to go find a new school or adapt to the changes if she wants to stay.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:^^The comparison would be there are no more elementary kids left and all the kids graduated school. The building is now an adult home and housekeeping along with some ESL teaching needed. The elementary teacher needs to go find a new school or adapt to the changes if she wants to stay.

And you really think the educated nanny wants to stay? Come on!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:All the real-life families I know who hire nannies expect light housework but every nanny on DCUM claims it’s a crime against humanity to expect. Something weird going on there.

And then the DCUM nannies say, if you expect light housework your nanny will compromise on care and just sit your kid in front of a screen while they’re doing those tasks. As if every single SAHM is providing her kids with sub-par care because she’s also maintaining the household cleanliness. It’s wild.

I don't really have an opinion on nanny housework, as I've never used a nanny, but I also think that the idea of an adult, whether a parent or paid, doing nothing but doting on a child is problematic. It's good for kids to be told they need to play alone so the adult can put the dishes in the dishwasher. It's good for kids to go places that are boring like the grocery store, and learn to adapt their behavior to the environment. Not every minute of every day, but for portions of the day. Kids in daycare, or kids with SAHP's and siblings, or kids whose parent is at home but has another responsibility get this naturally, and they turn out fine.

Of course the nannies who tirelessly post on here about “omg nannies aren’t maids don’t ask them to unload a dishwasher!” aren’t actually doting on the kids. They’re on their phones. Policing the expectations of parents on the internet all day.

That isn’t true.

+1. It isn’t true and is so hurtful. Nannies, especially the experienced and educated ones, work so hard for the benefit of their charges. They chose this profession. Yet because they don’t wash floors or do the pick up their employers laundry from the floor, they are insulted and lied about.

they can’t even match a SAHM in productivity. No insult. Just facts.

Depends on the nanny.

I was hired 24/7 with 7 kids. I did everything their mother would have done, short of being intimate with their father. Homeschooling, housekeeping/running the household, all the bills, shopping, cooking, teaching kids how to do all of that, etc. But most families don’t need that role, and the vast majority of parents don’t WANT that role filled completely by someone else. The biggest difference between what I did and a sahp was simply that I wasn’t afraid to reevaluate what I was doing in the moment. Anytime an outside observer can evaluate before jumping in, they have an advantage; a sahp has a certain view of the children, household and spouse, and that can lead to the sahp taking on everything themself.

[Anonymous]

In order to be subject to EEO laws, you have to employ more than 12 or 15 people. State laws on discrimination may vary.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It’s information I would really like to have in making a decision to hire.

I mean. Let's be logical. If it is "illegal" what is going to happen? Do you really think a nanny can afford to sue you? No. Do you think she's going to demand you hire her with the threat that if you don't she will sue? No, nannying is too personal of a job, it would be miserable for both parties. Just ask.

[Anonymous]

I would not. I would ask "tell me about your child care experience" and keep asking that question in different ways. "Do you believe in vaccines? Do you believe in regularly scheduled well child visits? What kind of discipline do you endorse?" and see if you can get an answer that way.