If you are a low energy introvert married to a high energy extrovert type A person

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't understand the connection being made here between low energy and introverts. I would consider myself an introvert, but I am high energy. I tackle tasks and get stuff done; I hate vegging out on the couch for any period of time. But I know plenty of extroverts who are damn lazy!

I agree with this assessment, but I think OP was conflating the two because SHE is low energy and an introvert, not that she thinks all introverts are low energy.

[Anonymous]

Is low energy the same as lazy? We speak of laziness as if it's a moral failing. If you're just born with higher energy, it doesn't seem like any particular virtue if you are more active. You just have more trouble sitting still.

[Anonymous]

I know several people like your husband- lots of hobbies, intense careers, never still, always learning or doing. I joke that some people just have more hours in the day than I do. The thing is, most people like that are married to similar people. The exception is my husband’s parents. My FIL is go go go and my MIL likes to sleep in or spend an hour arranging flowers she cut from her garden. My FIL just does his own thing and let’s my MIL when he’ll be home for lunch or something they are doing together. I t

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why do introverts feel the need to be so negative to extroverts?

Because extroverts are so negative about introverts. Like this thread where everyone is saying that introverts are lazy. The assumption is that the extrovert way is the right one, because the extroverts dominate the discourse, because they're extroverts. These anonymous discussion boards are where the introverts can push back safely.

EXACTLY. God they're f*cking terrible.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I know several people like your husband- lots of hobbies, intense careers, never still, always learning or doing. I joke that some people just have more hours in the day than I do. The thing is, most people like that are married to similar people. The exception is my husband’s parents. My FIL is go go go and my MIL likes to sleep in or spend an hour arranging flowers she cut from her garden. My FIL just does his own thing and let’s my MIL when he’ll be home for lunch or something they are doing together. I t

I think your husband just needs to realize his down time is separate from yours and not police how you re-energize.

[Anonymous]

OP, as a medium energy introvert (sometimes extrovert), your husband would drive me crazy. I feel like people that can't sit still and constantly need to busy, just don't like to be in their own heads. Like if their brain rested too much, they just aren't happy with the thoughts in their head - basically with themselves. Plus, they are missing out on good books, listening to amazing music and watching movies that make you laugh or put you on the edge of your seat. Even enjoying an evening glass of wine while watching the trees and birds in the yard. It sounds like you are just two very different people.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Is low energy the same as lazy? We speak of laziness as if it's a moral failing. If you're just born with higher energy, it doesn't seem like any particular virtue if you are more active. You just have more trouble sitting still.

Not really but other people might see it that way. It means that you get physically tired easily. If other people see you resting or taking frequent breaks, they might think you are lazy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP- in all seriousness..are you depressed? The lack of energy and need to sleep well beyond normal adult hours seem to point in that direction.

OP here. Yes. It's an on and off thing. It gets worse in the winter (and we live outside of NY so we get a lot of cold, snow, and gray weather but we have to stay because of DH's career). I take an anti depressant.

I've been in therapy for it on and off over the years but it's never helped because I think mostly it's a chemical thing with me. I suffer from SAD pretty bad.

Do you think he realizes you are making a pretty big sacrifice for him by not living in an environment that would make you happier? (i.e. somewhere sunny all the time)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why do introverts feel the need to be so negative to extroverts?

Because extroverts are so negative about introverts. Like this thread where everyone is saying that introverts are lazy. The assumption is that the extrovert way is the right one, because the extroverts dominate the discourse, because they're extroverts. These anonymous discussion boards are where the introverts can push back safely.

EXACTLY. God they're f*cking terrible.

+ 1

The world is set up to reward them too.

[Anonymous]

LOL. "Let's all just go around the table and introduce ourselves and say one thing about . . . "

Could we just not? No desire to know everyone at the meetings' name. Just want to get stuff done.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP- in all seriousness..are you depressed? The lack of energy and need to sleep well beyond normal adult hours seem to point in that direction.

OP here. Yes. It's an on and off thing. It gets worse in the winter (and we live outside of NY so we get a lot of cold, snow, and gray weather but we have to stay because of DH's career). I take an anti depressant.

I've been in therapy for it on and off over the years but it's never helped because I think mostly it's a chemical thing with me. I suffer from SAD pretty bad.

Do you think he realizes you are making a pretty big sacrifice for him by not living in an environment that would make you happier? (i.e. somewhere sunny all the time)

I doubt it. It doesn’t sound like he thinks about other people very often.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP- in all seriousness..are you depressed? The lack of energy and need to sleep well beyond normal adult hours seem to point in that direction.

OP here. Yes. It's an on and off thing. It gets worse in the winter (and we live outside of NY so we get a lot of cold, snow, and gray weather but we have to stay because of DH's career). I take an anti depressant.

I've been in therapy for it on and off over the years but it's never helped because I think mostly it's a chemical thing with me. I suffer from SAD pretty bad.

Do you think he realizes you are making a pretty big sacrifice for him by not living in an environment that would make you happier? (i.e. somewhere sunny all the time)

OP here. I'm not sure. If he does make the connection, he doesn't care. His career comes first. And I mean, I get that. We are a single income family and even when I was working, my earning potential was a LOT lower than his so I get why he prioritizes that.

I wish he would cut me some slack though when I am going through a depressive episode.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If you have been together all these years then DH has accepted that you do less and it doesn't sound like he is judging you. Just accept that he accepts you as you are and let go of feeling guilty about not doing enough.

This. Or even if he is annoyed by it, that’s his problem to deal with, not yours. Stop being irritated with each other. And definitely stop being irritated with him for being irritated at you. That is a never ending cycle.

My husband can be similar to yours. We have been married for twelve years. I asked him the other day what he liked about me when we first met. I thought he would say that it was that I was good looking and had sex with him pretty quickly. But he told me that I was the first person he had ever known who seemed to genuinely care about him and was always nice to him.

Remember that you both have your strengths. The kids would probably really struggle with someone who didn’t think sliding down the slide was amazing, kiss their boo-boos, and be willing to have a flexible schedule if they were having a bad day. And as other posters have pointed out, it sounds like the whole family benefits from everything your husband brings to the table as well. You are probably actually a great match and complement each other well.

[Anonymous]

What exactly is the problem here? You sound like you have a unicorn husband, enjoy it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, as a medium energy introvert (sometimes extrovert), your husband would drive me crazy. I feel like people that can't sit still and constantly need to busy, just don't like to be in their own heads. Like if their brain rested too much, they just aren't happy with the thoughts in their head - basically with themselves. Plus, they are missing out on good books, listening to amazing music and watching movies that make you laugh or put you on the edge of your seat. Even enjoying an evening glass of wine while watching the trees and birds in the yard. It sounds like you are just two very different people.

+1. I think introspection terrifies them.