If you are a low energy introvert married to a high energy extrovert type A person

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Let me get this straight. You have a husband who makes a lot of money, supports your entire family, is handy around the house, cooks and gardens as hobbies, and is very involved with your kids.

And you’re complaining?

Apparently, she doesn't have enough to do but find fault with her husband. The whole post is a humble brag about having a successful husband.

Low energy introvert is complaining about a man that she knew was like this before she married him complaining that he has accepted her low energy personality and suggested a career that is perfect for her. He picks up the slack to support the kind of person that she is naturally. . . And she still complains. She needs to divorce and find a low energy introvert to support with her alimony.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How do you handle it?

My issue is that my husband is a perfectionist who can't sit still. So he doesn't "understand" why someone would want to spend a couple hours reading a book or watching a movie or bingeing a tv show. He never does any of that. He watches or listens to sports on the radio but in the background while he's cooking or answering emails/doing office busy work, etc. When we go on vacation, he literally brings fiance journals to read on the beach.

He has an extremely demanding job and makes a lot of money. I'm a SAHM by his request and my own inclination (like I said, low energy introvert). I'm really good about keeping the house extremely clean and organized, which I know he appreciates. I make ~ 95% of the kids' meals. My DH loves to cook so he'll make a special meal once or twice a week if he has the opportunity.

But that's the thing, when he's not doing work for his job, he's home doing something constructive and actually useful like mowing the lawn or sanding down our patio furniture and staining it or weeding the garden or cooking an elaborate meal. He makes nice wood furniture as a hobby. He's gets up early before work to go to the gym every single day, including weekends. He needs very little sleep and thinks it's crazy and need so much more than him to feel ok (I do need a lot of sleep, at least 8 hours but more like 10). He has no problem letting me know that he thinks sleeping in on weekend mornings instead of getting up early to be productive is lazy. He's very involved with our kids too. He arranges his schedule so he can go their school events in the middle of the day, he chaperones field trips along with me, he does half of their activities (this is a chore we split at his request because he likes to watch them).

I'm not saying he's perfect. He has his flaws. For one thing, he is very practical, almost too practical. He HATES talking about emotions or anything introspective or speculative. He doesn't understand people who can't keep a positive attitude and hates hearing complaints. I can't even say something like "wow is it hot outside today" without him hearing it as a complaint. When to me is more like an offhand remark. I'm pretty good about ignoring all of that and I've learned to stop "venting" about any problem I might have to him because he doesn't understand that "supportive listening" is a thing people do. If I tell him about an issue I am having, he wants to fix it in that conversation and then move on. He hates when I belabor things because he hears it as useless complaining, whereas I see it as talking things out. Sometimes when you can't change something but have to deal with it anyway, venting a little steam really helps. I don't even know if he has recognized that I've stopped 99% of this in fear of him hearing me complaining. He also has a tendency to take a tone when I am talking about something he thinks is silly like celebrity gossip or a tv show. I think once I tried to explain to him why people cared about Prince Harry and Meghan's wedding. He doesn't feel any compunction about letting me know that he thinks it is stupid that I know information like this.

So I'm not saying he is perfect. But the thing is, when you add up what he does for our family vs me it makes me look extremely lazy in comparison and yet I don't think I am lazy, I am more like a normal person. I want to say, it's not my fault that you never learned to watch tv or read for pleasure! I haven't even watched the last few episodes of Games of Thrones because I haven't had time to myself without him around and he thinks watching tv and being involved in a show like that is super silly. I can't even mention things like that to him without him rolling his eyes or making a grimace.

Anyway, can anyone relate to this? What do I do about this?

Sorry to be blunt OP. You found yourself a unicorn. What did he see in you?

[Anonymous]

Your DH is bringing his 100% to work and family life. You need to step up to the plate and do likewise, if you are not doing so already.

[Anonymous]

Also OP there are 100s of us here who do not get to watch Game of Thrones cos we are just damn exhausted working and taking care of our families.

[Anonymous]

The grass is always greener. He sounds pretty good except not liking you venting. He sounds like an overachiever. Stop comparing yourself to him. I agree you need female friends. I'm a low energy introvert married to a low energy introvert. It's frustrating expecting him to be more productive but he will spend hours playing computer games. We both let each other sleep but I do all the physical labor which wears me out.

[Anonymous]

Serious question: are these type A people happy? Or do they think being happy is silly and frivolous? Just reading about them is exhausting.

[Anonymous]

Why do introverts feel the need to be so negative to extroverts?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why do introverts feel the need to be so negative to extroverts?

X10000

Introverts are worried they will be seen as LAZY. Some are.

[Anonymous]

Wow you people are harsh! Her dH is doing thing most men SHOULD BE DOING!!

Except, of course dictating how and if she can relax. My dH is the same and I finally snapped and was able to tell him that my energy was at his level and he could either accept it or not but it wasn’t changing. I was sick of feeling guilty about it and sick of it taking up mental energy.

Wanting to sleep in on the weekend or enjoy a tv show is not laziness.

[Anonymous]

OP- in all seriousness..are you depressed? The lack of energy and need to sleep well beyond normal adult hours seem to point in that direction.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why do introverts feel the need to be so negative to extroverts?

Because extroverts are so negative about introverts. Like this thread where everyone is saying that introverts are lazy. The assumption is that the extrovert way is the right one, because the extroverts dominate the discourse, because they're extroverts. These anonymous discussion boards are where the introverts can push back safely.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP- in all seriousness..are you depressed? The lack of energy and need to sleep well beyond normal adult hours seem to point in that direction.

Wanting to sleep 8-10 hours is not well beyond.

If she needed 15, maybe...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP- in all seriousness..are you depressed? The lack of energy and need to sleep well beyond normal adult hours seem to point in that direction.

OP here. Yes. It's an on and off thing. It gets worse in the winter (and we live outside of NY so we get a lot of cold, snow, and gray weather but we have to stay because of DH's career). I take an anti depressant.

I've been in therapy for it on and off over the years but it's never helped because I think mostly it's a chemical thing with me. I suffer from SAD pretty bad.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP- in all seriousness..are you depressed? The lack of energy and need to sleep well beyond normal adult hours seem to point in that direction.

OP here. Yes. It's an on and off thing. It gets worse in the winter (and we live outside of NY so we get a lot of cold, snow, and gray weather but we have to stay because of DH's career). I take an anti depressant.

I've been in therapy for it on and off over the years but it's never helped because I think mostly it's a chemical thing with me. I suffer from SAD pretty bad.

To add to this, my DH knows, or at least he knows I have anxiety pretty bad and take an anti depressant, but I try to hide the depression stuff from him (like taking naps during the day when I get overwhelmingly tired) because I know he wouldn't approve.

He would never say it outright but I know him pretty well and I can guess that he'd think it's something stronger people can just power through. Who knows, maybe it is, I don't really know. I just know that sometimes I feel so drained and exhausted and sad for no discernible reason. Then I think about when was the last time I saw sun and have a moment.

[Anonymous]

I don't understand the connection being made here between low energy and introverts. I would consider myself an introvert, but I am high energy. I tackle tasks and get stuff done; I hate vegging out on the couch for any period of time. But I know plenty of extroverts who are damn lazy!