Friend who was a bridesmaid for me didn’t return the gesture

[Anonymous]

Please listen to all the posters telling you to drop it and get over it. Having to choose bridesmaids is such a minefield for many of us. Many of us have to deal with emotions from our extended families over these decisions. I had to invite one sil who is just horrible because I had another sil as a bridesmaid. I made my family mad because I didn't invite a teenage niece to be a bridesmaid. It seemed in every corner of my life, someone was mad they weren't my bridesmaid.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The difference might be that she has more female family members that had to be included. That is usually the reason for situations like this

Yes. I have been in weddings for 5 friends. All wonderful dear friends whom I love! But when I got married, I didn't want to have 8+ bridesmaids. So I just had my sister and my 2 SILs, to keep it simple.

It does not mean I didn't LOVE my friends and want them to be part of the day. It was just that I didn't want a huge wedding party to wrangle.

[Anonymous]

I just got asked to be a bridesmaid for my high school friend who I hardly ever talk to and only see every few years (she lives in ca). She was a bridesmaid in my wedding but that was years ago when she and I were still close friends. I was very surprised she asked me to be a bridesmaid and, though I’m honored I guess, I’m already regretting agreeing to be in her wedding because I have kids and on a limited budget. I should’ve said no. It’s a lot of expense and trouble being a bridesmaid!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I had my best friend from HS as a bridesmaid at my wedding. She invited me to her wedding in August but I am not a bridesmaid for her. I don’t know if she’s having any bridesmaids.

I know I shouldn’t feel hurt, but I am a bit. We haven’t stayed in touch that much, but I sort of want to know if there’s a reason she didn’t return the gesture (assuming she is having bridesmaids at all).

Should I just leave this alone, or is there any good way to ask her about it?

It's self-explanatory. At the time of your wedding, you two were close. Many years passed and you two didn't stay in touch. Now you're not close anymore. Why would you be a bridesmaid at her wedding?

We hadn’t been close when I invited her to be a bridesmaid in mine. She enthusiastically helped and was wonderful.

She has no siblings and her whole family is in China, so there are no female family members.

Did you need an extra person to balance out your bridal party? You are admitting you weren’t close even at your wedding, so maybe she knew that?

Also she might not be having any. Take it as a gift you don’t have to wear an expensive one time dress.

+1 I don't understand why OP would invite someone to be a bridesmaid if they weren't close. It's supposed to be a special support from your family/loved ones. OP's friend probably gets that.

No need to be harsh on the OP, everyone gets to decide who they want to support them in their bridal party and everyone has different definitions of what they want that support to look like - OP is probably someone that wanted people from different phases of her life, that relationship clearly had meaning to her even if they don't talk regularly now. Some people want those people there. That's fine and we shouldn't begrudge her that. The important thing is for her to understand the same thing - that everyone has different definitions of who they want supporting them in a bridal party. That's ok.

[Anonymous]

#SoNeedToGrowUp

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I've been in large wedding parties, but when I got married only wanted my two sisters in my party. It's not personal.

I’ve been in a decent number of wedding parties and I decided that I didn’t want any bridesmaids at all. Everyone thanked me and came to the wedding in non-matching clothes they independently chose to wear.

I like you.

[Anonymous]

My friend did this. She got married.one year after me.

Her parents made her have a bunch of cousins that she wasn't close to. I wish she stood up to them.

[Anonymous]

The more you think about it the weirder the bridesmaids thing is, especially if you make them wear matching dresses.

[Anonymous]

Maybe the groom wanted to keep the wedding party small.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The difference might be that she has more female family members that had to be included. That is usually the reason for situations like this

+1. In any case, let it be.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The difference might be that she has more female family members that had to be included. That is usually the reason for situations like this

+1. I have two sisters, one SIL, and two close friends from college. More than five bridesmaids would have been ridiculous. She is probably limiting her attendants for practical reasons.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If I had to have everyone who asked me to be a bridesmaid also be a bridesmaid for me, there wouldn't be enough satin and taffeta left in the country to handle my wedding.

It is not a reciprocal obligation. It simply cannot be.

This! I had a maid of honor and my husband had a best man. No bridesmaids or groomsmen.

[Anonymous]

When your friends first start getting married it can be fun and flattering to be asked, but over time it becomes less fun and more of a burden. She's probably just trying to keep things simple and not make extra work for her friends.

[Anonymous]

Why would you be a bridesmaid when you haven't stayed in touch?

[Anonymous]

Be grateful you don't have to go to all that expense and she still.values your friendship.