Friend who was a bridesmaid for me didn’t return the gesture

[Anonymous]

My maid of honor didn’t make me a bridesmaid. Honestly I was grateful. It’s such a pain and I was a mom by the time she got married.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My maid of honor didn’t make me a bridesmaid. Honestly I was grateful. It’s such a pain and I was a mom by the time she got married.

I will try to take your lead on this.

I’m a mom too and am pretty busy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I had my best friend from HS as a bridesmaid at my wedding. She invited me to her wedding in August but I am not a bridesmaid for her. I don’t know if she’s having any bridesmaids.

I know I shouldn’t feel hurt, but I am a bit. We haven’t stayed in touch that much, but I sort of want to know if there’s a reason she didn’t return the gesture (assuming she is having bridesmaids at all).

Should I just leave this alone, or is there any good way to ask her about it?

It's self-explanatory. At the time of your wedding, you two were close. Many years passed and you two didn't stay in touch. Now you're not close anymore. Why would you be a bridesmaid at her wedding?

This, and if you're not in the same town, she may see being a bridesmaid as an undue burden on you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I had my best friend from HS as a bridesmaid at my wedding. She invited me to her wedding in August but I am not a bridesmaid for her. I don’t know if she’s having any bridesmaids.

I know I shouldn’t feel hurt, but I am a bit. We haven’t stayed in touch that much, but I sort of want to know if there’s a reason she didn’t return the gesture (assuming she is having bridesmaids at all).

Should I just leave this alone, or is there any good way to ask her about it?

It's self-explanatory. At the time of your wedding, you two were close. Many years passed and you two didn't stay in touch. Now you're not close anymore. Why would you be a bridesmaid at her wedding?

This, and if you're not in the same town, she may see being a bridesmaid as an undue burden on you.

Maybe, but neither of us has moved since I got married, nor has our relationship changed.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My maid of honor didn’t make me a bridesmaid. Honestly I was grateful. It’s such a pain and I was a mom by the time she got married.

I will try to take your lead on this.

I’m a mom too and am pretty busy.

Is this the Op? You’re a mom? I’m sure you have better things to focus on than the wedding party of someone you hardly see anymore.

[Anonymous]

Leave it. Just leave it. I had one bridesmaid: my sister. Other people, no. It could be she doesn't want or doesn't have the money for a big wedding. It could be she is trying to avoid inviting certain people. It could be none of your business.

Do you love this friend? LET. IT. GO.

[Anonymous]

Agree in general with previous posters and have just one thing to add: who knows what she’s going through! Wedding planning can be so stressful. If you feel up to it, reach out and see if you can help with anything - planning a shower, shopping for some odd thing she needs to become an expert on, etc. Listen to where she’s at in the planning process and see if she has any questions about your own wedding experience now that you’re on the other side of it. Maybe it’s a time for you two to get closer! And what a relief not to be a bridesmaid, but don’t feel like you’re cray for being hurt. That’s okay - but if it was me the thing that might feel best would be reassessing and reaffirming the friendship without using a bridesmaid label to set that status.

[Anonymous]

You just saved so much money.

Be a gracious guest and enjoy celebrating with your friend on her special day.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My maid of honor didn’t make me a bridesmaid. Honestly I was grateful. It’s such a pain and I was a mom by the time she got married.

Same here. I had 2 kids by the time she got married. She has 3 sisters and picked one of them as the sole attendant. I didn’t take offense, the wedding wasn’t a big production (she was living out of the country at the time) and we are still great friends. I had 6 bridesmaids/attendants and was in the wedding for only 2 of them. The other 4 all had just one attendant and in 3 cases it was a sister. Those of us with big weddings got married in our 20s, the single attendant weddings were all people who got married in mid 30s or later.

[Anonymous]

I thought i was doing people a favor by not having them as bridesmaids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I had my best friend from HS as a bridesmaid at my wedding. She invited me to her wedding in August but I am not a bridesmaid for her. I don’t know if she’s having any bridesmaids.

I know I shouldn’t feel hurt, but I am a bit. We haven’t stayed in touch that much, but I sort of want to know if there’s a reason she didn’t return the gesture (assuming she is having bridesmaids at all).

Should I just leave this alone, or is there any good way to ask her about it?

It's self-explanatory. At the time of your wedding, you two were close. Many years passed and you two didn't stay in touch. Now you're not close anymore. Why would you be a bridesmaid at her wedding?

We hadn’t been close when I invited her to be a bridesmaid in mine. She enthusiastically helped and was wonderful.

She has no siblings and her whole family is in China, so there are no female family members.

Did you need an extra person to balance out your bridal party? You are admitting you weren’t close even at your wedding, so maybe she knew that?

Also she might not be having any. Take it as a gift you don’t have to wear an expensive one time dress.

[Anonymous]

I totally understand it can sting a little or make you wonder, but I've talked a lot of friends through decisions they were making around bridal parties and trust me, there are so many different factors and each person has their own things to consider. Sometimes it's that people have more female members in their family or close family friends, or college friends, or sometimes there is a group of friends from college that one of them is essential but if the other two weren't invited they would be SO SO hurt and that ends up throwing the bride over the edge of people, or sometimes the bride just really wants a small bridal party. Or they think certain people have more time at the moment. Or some people just want friends that they talk to very regularly. Everyone makes these decisions differently but I highly suspect it doesn't mean she doesn't care about you as a friend. Just remember it's a very individual decision with many competing interests for different people. It can be very hard, give her a little grace and tell yourself it's ok to feel bummed but it wasn't about you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I totally understand it can sting a little or make you wonder, but I've talked a lot of friends through decisions they were making around bridal parties and trust me, there are so many different factors and each person has their own things to consider. Sometimes it's that people have more female members in their family or close family friends, or college friends, or sometimes there is a group of friends from college that one of them is essential but if the other two weren't invited they would be SO SO hurt and that ends up throwing the bride over the edge of people, or sometimes the bride just really wants a small bridal party. Or they think certain people have more time at the moment. Or some people just want friends that they talk to very regularly. Everyone makes these decisions differently but I highly suspect it doesn't mean she doesn't care about you as a friend. Just remember it's a very individual decision with many competing interests for different people. It can be very hard, give her a little grace and tell yourself it's ok to feel bummed but it wasn't about you.

I just saw you said no female family members etc. This still stands. Some people like to have people from different times of their life in their bridal party even if not still as close (like you did) and some prefer to have people they talk with regularly. It's just preference, and not meant to be against you I promise

[Anonymous]

pp from above and just wanted to say that I really recommend not addressing it. Try to remember how stressful some of these wedding decisions can be and I'm sure she already struggled with the decision and feels badly. If it's really about your friendship with her and wanting to maintain that in some way, the kindest thing would be to reach out about how excited you are for her wedding, offer that you'd love to help in any way (if you can offer some specific examples) as she was so helpful for yours and you always remember that. Think about it not as a title thing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I had my best friend from HS as a bridesmaid at my wedding. She invited me to her wedding in August but I am not a bridesmaid for her. I don’t know if she’s having any bridesmaids.

I know I shouldn’t feel hurt, but I am a bit. We haven’t stayed in touch that much, but I sort of want to know if there’s a reason she didn’t return the gesture (assuming she is having bridesmaids at all).

Should I just leave this alone, or is there any good way to ask her about it?

It's self-explanatory. At the time of your wedding, you two were close. Many years passed and you two didn't stay in touch. Now you're not close anymore. Why would you be a bridesmaid at her wedding?

We hadn’t been close when I invited her to be a bridesmaid in mine. She enthusiastically helped and was wonderful.

She has no siblings and her whole family is in China, so there are no female family members.

Did you need an extra person to balance out your bridal party? You are admitting you weren’t close even at your wedding, so maybe she knew that?

Also she might not be having any. Take it as a gift you don’t have to wear an expensive one time dress.

+1 I don't understand why OP would invite someone to be a bridesmaid if they weren't close. It's supposed to be a special support from your family/loved ones. OP's friend probably gets that.