Friend who was a bridesmaid for me didn’t return the gesture

[Anonymous]

I had my best friend from HS as a bridesmaid at my wedding. She invited me to her wedding in August but I am not a bridesmaid for her. I don’t know if she’s having any bridesmaids.

I know I shouldn’t feel hurt, but I am a bit. We haven’t stayed in touch that much, but I sort of want to know if there’s a reason she didn’t return the gesture (assuming she is having bridesmaids at all).

Should I just leave this alone, or is there any good way to ask her about it?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I had my best friend from HS as a bridesmaid at my wedding. She invited me to her wedding in August but I am not a bridesmaid for her. I don’t know if she’s having any bridesmaids.

I know I shouldn’t feel hurt, but I am a bit. We haven’t stayed in touch that much, but I sort of want to know if there’s a reason she didn’t return the gesture (assuming she is having bridesmaids at all).

Should I just leave this alone, or is there any good way to ask her about it?

She has people she feels closer to. Sisters, Cousins and/or friends she has more of a relationship with and expects will be more involved in her life in the future.

[Anonymous]

The difference might be that she has more female family members that had to be included. That is usually the reason for situations like this

[Anonymous]

omg leave it alone and use the money to buy a dress you actually LIKE

[Anonymous]

Be grateful! Being a bridesmaid is the worst!!

[Anonymous]

Well you haven’t stayed in touch so it’s understandable. And so we you don’t feel like your situation is that bad, a good friend of mine had another friend of ours as a bridesmaid. That friend decided to have a tiny destination wedding and didn’t even invite her to the wedding (she had only 10 people but my friend who had her in the wedding party was miffed.)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I had my best friend from HS as a bridesmaid at my wedding. She invited me to her wedding in August but I am not a bridesmaid for her. I don’t know if she’s having any bridesmaids.

I know I shouldn’t feel hurt, but I am a bit. We haven’t stayed in touch that much, but I sort of want to know if there’s a reason she didn’t return the gesture (assuming she is having bridesmaids at all).

Should I just leave this alone, or is there any good way to ask her about it?

It's self-explanatory. At the time of your wedding, you two were close. Many years passed and you two didn't stay in touch. Now you're not close anymore. Why would you be a bridesmaid at her wedding?

[Anonymous]

Leave it. You are not close enough to her to know the details of the wedding planning but you want to be a bridesmaid? People move on and make other friends, or have a bunch of siblngs and new siblings in law to honor this way. It's not a reflection on you.

For my bridesmaids I had childhood friends whose weddings I'd been in, and I regret it because it hurt my actual close friends who are a bigger part of my life now.

[Anonymous]

I've been in large wedding parties, but when I got married only wanted my two sisters in my party. It's not personal.

[Anonymous]

Really? I felt hurt when someone I invited to my wedding didn't invite me to hers, but the whole bridesmaid thing? What a horror. Be relieved you're not one!

[Anonymous]

If I had to have everyone who asked me to be a bridesmaid also be a bridesmaid for me, there wouldn't be enough satin and taffeta left in the country to handle my wedding.

It is not a reciprocal obligation. It simply cannot be.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I had my best friend from HS as a bridesmaid at my wedding. She invited me to her wedding in August but I am not a bridesmaid for her. I don’t know if she’s having any bridesmaids.

I know I shouldn’t feel hurt, but I am a bit. We haven’t stayed in touch that much, but I sort of want to know if there’s a reason she didn’t return the gesture (assuming she is having bridesmaids at all).

Should I just leave this alone, or is there any good way to ask her about it?

It's self-explanatory. At the time of your wedding, you two were close. Many years passed and you two didn't stay in touch. Now you're not close anymore. Why would you be a bridesmaid at her wedding?

We hadn’t been close when I invited her to be a bridesmaid in mine. She enthusiastically helped and was wonderful.

She has no siblings and her whole family is in China, so there are no female family members.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I had my best friend from HS as a bridesmaid at my wedding. She invited me to her wedding in August but I am not a bridesmaid for her. I don’t know if she’s having any bridesmaids.

I know I shouldn’t feel hurt, but I am a bit. We haven’t stayed in touch that much, but I sort of want to know if there’s a reason she didn’t return the gesture (assuming she is having bridesmaids at all).

Should I just leave this alone, or is there any good way to ask her about it?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I've been in large wedding parties, but when I got married only wanted my two sisters in my party. It's not personal.

I’ve been in a decent number of wedding parties and I decided that I didn’t want any bridesmaids at all. Everyone thanked me and came to the wedding in non-matching clothes they independently chose to wear.

[Anonymous]

I had an informal wedding with no bridesmaids; one of my best friends from childhood got married after me and had several bridesmaids, and I wasn’t one of them (and we were still close and had stayed in touch). I was hurt but realized that the fact that I had no bridesmaids probably freed her from having to add me to the group, when perhaps she already has reached her max. Intellectually I knew that, but it still stung. I never brought it up; the issue was mine, not hers and I made a concerted effort to let it go and just be there for her, and i was.

I don’t think there’s anything to do or say. She participated in your day with enthusiasm and made it special; that’s what’s important. I’d let it go.