helping out my half sister college tuition

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. The family is in the donut hole so my sister is not getting any financial aid and she is not qualified for merit aid. It is a long story but my mother and step-father stole my college saving money for their gambling addition. They didn't save any money for my half sister college either. I also had my own demon to deal with and for a very long time, I blamed them, including my sister, for the situation. It took me a long time to realize that it was not her fault. My own DH and FIL showed me that I just do not walk away from your flesh and blood. I still have problems with my parents but I would like to amend for what I did with my sister. My FIL already set aside a big chunk of money for a trust fund and DH is going pay for the college cost @ U. of Chicago. I don't want my sister to take on loan because I want her to have a piece of mind in college. My wonderful FIL will get her internship and job after graduation.

I will reach out to my sister directly and report back.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'd reach out through the aunt to help reconnect with your half sister. Then find out the full detail about the cost - how much is a loan versus how much might be need based scholarship. Be careful in how you do this because if there is need based scholarship available, your stepping in might jeopardize it. The devil is in the details. The odds are that your mother will find out about it but don't let that be an issue. Your half sister is very lucky to have you in her life.

PP - I had not read your second message. Your husband and FIL are incredibly generous.

I don't think so. Too many strings. "Yeah, I'll pay for your college, only to piss off mom, and you're only my HALF sister (did I mention HALF yet?) and oh HAHA REVENGE ON STEP DAD LOLZ. " and "Yeah, I'll pay, but reallyl it's my FIL's money and I'm goin to make you work for him indefinitely so you're forever reminded I DID THIS FOR YOU. YOU COULDN'T GET MERIT AID AND MOMMY AND HALF DADDY DIDN'T DO IT FOR YOU SO I DID #SAVIOR"

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would not accept this nor allow my child to accept this. You are placing too many expectations on her between tuition, job, etc and dictating her life in terms of what her future looks like in forcing her to work for FIL if that is not what she wants. This sounds very generous but in reality it is very selfish. If you want a relationship great, but don't place financial strings on it.

+1 on the surface it seems generousl, but its all about control.

+100000

also the use of HALF sister over and over and OVER :VOMIT:

[Anonymous]

If you want to do it completely annonomously you could set up a scholorship fund with very strict parameters. Have you aunt discover it and get her to apply. My DD's high school has a list of available scholorships and some are really specific. Things like opent to students who have attended school in Fairfax County from k-12, have participated in marching band for at least 4 years and plans to attend Larla University.

[Anonymous]

I would hate to work for my FIL. Why would you? Do you need the money?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If you say half sister one more time I’m
Going to scream

Why? That’s exactly what she is. It also explains the situation, mom remarried, etc...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you say half sister one more time I’m
Going to scream

Why? That’s exactly what she is. It also explains the situation, mom remarried, etc...

BEcause she is reiterating that she doesn't consider her "full" family

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you say half sister one more time I’m
Going to scream

Why? That’s exactly what she is. It also explains the situation, mom remarried, etc...

BEcause she is reiterating that she doesn't consider her "full" family

I took it to make it clear that it wasn’t a step sister.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you say half sister one more time I’m
Going to scream

Why? That’s exactly what she is. It also explains the situation, mom remarried, etc...

BEcause she is reiterating that she doesn't consider her "full" family

I took it to make it clear that it wasn’t a step sister.

I wouldn't read too much into that esp in these circumstances. I have a super complicated family and if I were posting on DCUM and the specifics mattered, I would spell everything out in terms of halves and steps, etc. to make the relationships clear. In real life, I call everyone involved my brothers and sisters and my levels of closeness to them vary but not in any way related to the "formal" closeness of our relationship (e.g., I am closest to one of my stepbrothers).

[Anonymous]

What’s the beef? In 6:46 OP says “sister” 5 times and “half-sister” only once.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. The family is in the donut hole so my sister is not getting any financial aid and she is not qualified for merit aid. It is a long story but my mother and step-father stole my college saving money for their gambling addition. They didn't save any money for my half sister college either. I also had my own demon to deal with and for a very long time, I blamed them, including my sister, for the situation. It took me a long time to realize that it was not her fault. My own DH and FIL showed me that I just do not walk away from your flesh and blood. I still have problems with my parents but I would like to amend for what I did with my sister. My FIL already set aside a big chunk of money for a trust fund and DH is going pay for the college cost @ U. of Chicago. I don't want my sister to take on loan because I want her to have a piece of mind in college. My wonderful FIL will get her internship and job after graduation.

I will reach out to my sister directly and report back.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'd reach out through the aunt to help reconnect with your half sister. Then find out the full detail about the cost - how much is a loan versus how much might be need based scholarship. Be careful in how you do this because if there is need based scholarship available, your stepping in might jeopardize it. The devil is in the details. The odds are that your mother will find out about it but don't let that be an issue. Your half sister is very lucky to have you in her life.

PP - I had not read your second message. Your husband and FIL are incredibly generous.

I don't think so. Too many strings. "Yeah, I'll pay for your college, only to piss off mom, and you're only my HALF sister (did I mention HALF yet?) and oh HAHA REVENGE ON STEP DAD LOLZ. " and "Yeah, I'll pay, but reallyl it's my FIL's money and I'm goin to make you work for him indefinitely so you're forever reminded I DID THIS FOR YOU. YOU COULDN'T GET MERIT AID AND MOMMY AND HALF DADDY DIDN'T DO IT FOR YOU SO I DID #SAVIOR"

Student loans also come with strings attached...

[Anonymous]

troll

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Some places do not provide sufficient assistance regardless of your situation. I would be afraid of her dropping out due to lack of funds.

That being said-since you do not currently have a relationship I would let her take the loans and perhaps pay them off (or a significant chunk) as a graduation present. If you knew her better I would say to consider just covering it with the condition that she continue to apply for scholarships, internships, and maintain a minimum gpa.

Pay the loans off each year as she might get overwhelmed thinking about the debt and drop out.
U of Chicago is totally worth the $$.
They don’t give loans out for financial aid though - if you qualify for aid you get aid, not loans.

[Anonymous]

It’s a lovely gesture but don’t attach any strings and don’t be surprised if she is untrusting or hostile. You, 14 years her elder, admit you were angry at her for a long time along with your mother and step father. There’s a good chance sis is angry at you too for ghosting her entire childhood. You said it took you years to make peace and get over your anger so don’t expect a 17 or 18 year old to show grace beyond her years. She needs time to process and mature too. Pay the tuition or pay back the student loan but no strings.

I have to say I get the sense you are partially motivated to do this because you want the approval of your FIL and don’t want him to see you as broken in some way. Any truth to that?

[Anonymous]

I would reach to the University of Chicago and get a lawyer involved to make it happen anonymously through the school.