helping out my half sister college tuition

[Anonymous]

My father passed away when I was eight years old and my mother remarried when I was ten years old. My mother gave birth to my half sister when I was 14 years old. I never had a good relationship with my mother and step father so I left when I turned 18 years old. I worked while attending college. I met my DH while working as hostess at a restaurant. It turned out that I hit the big jack pot. DH's family is very wealthy and DH encouraged me to quit the job and studied full time and he paid for my college tuition. I am happily married and working as an accountant for my FIL. Life just can not get any better.

I have not talked to my own family in fourteen years. I heard through my aunt that my half sister got accepted into University of Chicago but because the family current financial situation, she will have to borrow a big loan to attend U. of Chicago. I can't stand my mother and step-father but I would like to help my sister by paying the tuition and room/board but I would like to do it in the way that I do not want my mother and stepfather to know anything about this. DH is a very generous person and has no issues with it.

I've not talked to my half sister for a very long time. Should I reach out directly to her with my proposal or use my aunt as an intermediary to pay for my sister college cost so my sister doesn't know that it come from me? That way, I shall stay anonymous.

What do you think?

[Anonymous]

Do you know she’s going to go there? You could always pay the school directly. You are a kind person.

[Anonymous]

Pay the school directly for her tuition.

[Anonymous]

Let her take the loans, reach out for a relationship now that she's out of the house, and if you have one with her, pay back the loans after graduation. I don't get why she is going to a school with such huge loans vs. a cheaper school. But, that's nice of you to help.

[Anonymous]

You are so kind. You should speak with someone who is well-versed in financial aid. If she is getting any money, you don't want to jeopardize that.

When I was much younger, my dream was to win Powerball and pay for a colleague - mail room and general services - to attend college as well as cover his family expenses while he was in school. While he was a little head strong, he was a conscientious, hard worker and believe time in a classroom could have been transformative for him. Alas, I never won that pay out, but still have that dream for others.

Please come back here and let us know what happens. She is so lucky to have you in her corner.

[Anonymous]

I see no way you can do this without your mother and stepfather finding out. That’s a pretty big secret to get an 18 year old to keep. If their financial situation is truly bad she will get financial aid at a place like University of Chicago.

I would just put the money aside and offer to help with her loans after she has been able to spend some time away from your mom.

[Anonymous]

That is messed up that you didn’t keep in touch with your half sister. She may not even want your help when it is all said and done. Repair the relationship and then see about paying in a year or so.

[Anonymous]

You sound very kind and thoughtful. What a beautiful blessing it would be to help your sister. But I agree with a PP that the secrecy element would be a horrible burden to place on her. I think you should to talk to some financial planners and see what guidance they may have for you. And talk to your husband about it. Perhaps you can set up a trust for your sister? But please think long and hard before you try to place any requirements on her for secrecy. Your sister is very fortunate to have you thinking of her!

[Anonymous]

Why not just let her take out the loan but then offer to repay it?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why not just let her take out the loan but then offer to repay it?

+1 This might be easier. If she's getting financial aid, she would lose it if your assistance became known.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Let her take the loans, reach out for a relationship now that she's out of the house, and if you have one with her, pay back the loans after graduation. I don't get why she is going to a school with such huge loans vs. a cheaper school. But, that's nice of you to help.

Plus 1...this way when you pay it off, your sister will be an adult and no longer a dependent of your parents

[Anonymous]

Some places do not provide sufficient assistance regardless of your situation. I would be afraid of her dropping out due to lack of funds.

That being said-since you do not currently have a relationship I would let her take the loans and perhaps pay them off (or a significant chunk) as a graduation present. If you knew her better I would say to consider just covering it with the condition that she continue to apply for scholarships, internships, and maintain a minimum gpa.

[Anonymous]

This is kind.
Is it possible it's also not a biggie for your mother and stepfather to pay for her?

[Anonymous]

Tuition + R&B at Chicago is about $70K. Your sibling's financial package would be based on your parent's income. Federal student loans are $5500 for freshman year. The balance owed will come from cash from your parents and loans that your parents must co-sign. Are you willing to pay the parent loans?

If you want to help your sister (really generous offer BTW), come up with a sum of money you are willing to pay. I would have a conversation with parents and sister. I would also get some financial advice. You don't want to jeopardize any financial aid she would receive. You should probably pay school directly to avoid the gift tax.

[Anonymous]

OP here. The family is in the donut hole so my sister is not getting any financial aid and she is not qualified for merit aid. It is a long story but my mother and step-father stole my college saving money for their gambling addition. They didn't save any money for my half sister college either. I also had my own demon to deal with and for a very long time, I blamed them, including my sister, for the situation. It took me a long time to realize that it was not her fault. My own DH and FIL showed me that I just do not walk away from your flesh and blood. I still have problems with my parents but I would like to amend for what I did with my sister. My FIL already set aside a big chunk of money for a trust fund and DH is going pay for the college cost @ U. of Chicago. I don't want my sister to take on loan because I want her to have a piece of mind in college. My wonderful FIL will get her internship and job after graduation.

I will reach out to my sister directly and report back.