Donor embryo, how do you know?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is OP. Thank you all for the thoughts and the well-wishes. PP wrote: "You can’t control what you think you can by choosing the perfect donors." I think this is an imp. realization and one we will have to be comfortable with bc my eggs are out no matter what.

Someone else posed if we tried 2 cycles of donor egg and it didnt work how would we feel about donor embryo. We would 100% be kicking ourselves for walking away from this opportunity. These embryo's were created by a single mom who had success with 1 of the embryos from the cohort and was done. The grades are 4AA, 3AA and 4AB so high-quality. Our RE says this has a very high probability for success.

What I have realized is I haven’t had some lightning flash -- yes this is right, this is OUR embryo. Its more: on balance, weighing the options, this is the best move forward. I have decided I am fine with that being my emotional status and its okay that I dont have some TV moment of certainty at this point.

There is no guarantee that donor embryo transfer will be successful. I am not saying it won’t but it’s not fair to assume that this is a sure thing and donor egg is not. They have similar probability it success.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I didn't hear her say anything about a genetic connection being their priority. These embryos exist already and it would be wonderful to do this. It is less expensive and difficult to do it this way. My only concern is that some clinics make it so anonymous that the donor-conceived children cannot make a connection with their biological relatives later if they wish to do that.

Unfortunately thanks to 23 and me and those sites, the anonymity is near impossible to uphold anymore

[Anonymous]

Most ethicists argue it is better for the donor-conceived child to have that information available to them. I agree.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Genetics is a crapshoot even with your own DNA. Kids don’t necessarily look like parents. Kids aren’t necessarily as academic as parents. You can’t control what you think you can by choosing the perfect donors. Think about how the universe has given you this opportunity. Think about the money saved. I really hope this works out for you. Good luck.

Well said. Sounds like a great opportunity and if your partner is not needing that genetic connection, then take this great opportunity.

Can I ask what clinic you are at that offered you this?

[Anonymous]

I don’t see this as a great opportunity. Genetics is a powerful force. You basically know next to nothing about this embryo. Single mother student and tall dark and handsome Latino.
As a mother through DE I am well aware that my children don’t share my genetics both good and bad. I haven’t “forgotten “ that as my children have grown up. Interestingly they do share characteristics of the donor including looking like her (you would see the resemblance) having a similar profession as she has, similar skin tone/ color, similar height/ figure, and so on.
I am fine with that and very happy with my children but for myself I needed more information. However it’s certainly a gut level thing and if it feels right to you then go for it !
Everyone is different.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Seriously you can have a down payment on a house or put that money in a college fund. This is a wonderful opportunity to get through this quickly.

This. It is like adoption, only you get to gestate the child, which sounds like an experience you want to have. Plus you will have some control over that process (to the extent your body cooperates of course). Of course you can't control genetics but it's a lottery anyway even with your own genes. If your husband is not set on having a genetic link, and you can overcome that, it sounds perfect. If you were willing to use donor eggs, I don't see why you wouldn't use donor embryos.

I wouldn't worry too much about genetics if the couple were young and healthy and seemed reasonably intelligent. You can't control for other gifts. If you are concerned that you may not be able to give a child with a certain ethnic background some exposure to that community, that might be an issue, but you haven't said that.

[Anonymous]

I would 100% do it. The generation of kids into which this child will be born is going to have an experience of racial complexity that will rival any before it. Having kids who are racially or ethnically different from their parents, one or both, will be a part of that. And IMO it has the potential to be amazing, for them and for us as their parents.

Embrace it. Good luck, OP!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would 100% do it. The generation of kids into which this child will be born is going to have an experience of racial complexity that will rival any before it. Having kids who are racially or ethnically different from their parents, one or both, will be a part of that. And IMO it has the potential to be amazing, for them and for us as their parents.

Embrace it. Good luck, OP!

love this

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:“created donor embryos “ for a clinic that now they want you to take because left over. I would run.

What does this poster even mean?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would 100% do it. The generation of kids into which this child will be born is going to have an experience of racial complexity that will rival any before it. Having kids who are racially or ethnically different from their parents, one or both, will be a part of that. And IMO it has the potential to be amazing, for them and for us as their parents.

Embrace it. Good luck, OP!

there are a lot of racially homogenous countries in the world. it’s a part of American arrogance to assume that our experience is universal.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would 100% do it. The generation of kids into which this child will be born is going to have an experience of racial complexity that will rival any before it. Having kids who are racially or ethnically different from their parents, one or both, will be a part of that. And IMO it has the potential to be amazing, for them and for us as their parents.

Embrace it. Good luck, OP!

there are a lot of racially homogenous countries in the world. it’s a part of American arrogance to assume that our experience is universal.

No one said the experience is universal—what I said is that going to be awesome.

[Anonymous]

The lack of understanding of genetics on this thread amazes me. Genetics is not a crap shoot. Look at all the families whose kids are just like them in so many ways. And the families who generation after generation have been healthy and stable. There’s always the exception that proves the rule.
So here you have a single mom (couldn’t find anyone to be with and waited to do infertility treatments late?) and a mixed race dad. Both are “students.” And the embryo is on sale. Unfortunately I remember the “sale” products the RE and adoption agencies offered us. Didn’t turn out well for those who agreed to that. I wish they didn’t take advantage while telling you they were doing you a favor. But that’s how it goes.
You will spend far more $$ with the unknown factor— the lack of information is a flag to me in this case. Especially since you could easily use an embryo with more information provided.

[Anonymous]

Yes it’s going to be awesome.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The lack of understanding of genetics on this thread amazes me. Genetics is not a crap shoot. Look at all the families whose kids are just like them in so many ways. And the families who generation after generation have been healthy and stable. There’s always the exception that proves the rule.
So here you have a single mom (couldn’t find anyone to be with and waited to do infertility treatments late?) and a mixed race dad. Both are “students.” And the embryo is on sale. Unfortunately I remember the “sale” products the RE and adoption agencies offered us. Didn’t turn out well for those who agreed to that. I wish they didn’t take advantage while telling you they were doing you a favor. But that’s how it goes.
You will spend far more $$ with the unknown factor— the lack of information is a flag to me in this case. Especially since you could easily use an embryo with more information provided.

What are you talking about? The OP clearly states the embryo is coming from a set of parents - a couple - who already successfully conceived at the clinic and completed their family. They were grad students while doing fertility treatments and have since graduated. What single mom? Do you know how to read?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The lack of understanding of genetics on this thread amazes me. Genetics is not a crap shoot. Look at all the families whose kids are just like them in so many ways. And the families who generation after generation have been healthy and stable. There’s always the exception that proves the rule.
So here you have a single mom (couldn’t find anyone to be with and waited to do infertility treatments late?) and a mixed race dad. Both are “students.” And the embryo is on sale. Unfortunately I remember the “sale” products the RE and adoption agencies offered us. Didn’t turn out well for those who agreed to that. I wish they didn’t take advantage while telling you they were doing you a favor. But that’s how it goes.
You will spend far more $$ with the unknown factor— the lack of information is a flag to me in this case. Especially since you could easily use an embryo with more information provided.

What are you talking about? The OP clearly states the embryo is coming from a set of parents - a couple - who already successfully conceived at the clinic and completed their family. They were grad students while doing fertility treatments and have since graduated. What single mom? Do you know how to read?

No, that’s not what she said. A single woman used donor egg and sperm.