Who typically pays for occasional sitter when family visiting?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You are doing to leave a 5 month old and 2 month old just to go out with family. This is like an alternate universe to me. If I were visiting you with my 2 mo I’d tell you to pound sand.

OP here. Wow. Are you serious? We are well aware that they are new parents and told them we are happy to do whatever they would like while here, whether it's staying home and cooking dinner or going out, all 8 of us together. This trip is for them and we want them to enjoy it and relax. Bil and sil WANT to go out for some adult time. We let them pick out which days are best, which restaurants they'd like, etc. If they wanted to take baby with them while we left our kids at home, that would have been totally fine as well, as obviously a 2 month old will be primarily sleeping and not very active.

[Anonymous]

We are not well off by DCUM standards, but I would pay for both babysitters.

Otherwise, if you combine rates and divide by the number of kids, it would be $9.25/kid. So their offer of $10 isn't too far off, take that and make up the $5 difference.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We are not well off by DCUM standards, but I would pay for both babysitters.

Otherwise, if you combine rates and divide by the number of kids, it would be $9.25/kid. So their offer of $10 isn't too far off, take that and make up the $5 difference.

Thanks pp, decided we will just cover both sitters.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You are doing to leave a 5 month old and 2 month old just to go out with family. This is like an alternate universe to me. If I were visiting you with my 2 mo I’d tell you to pound sand.

OP here. Wow. Are you serious? We are well aware that they are new parents and told them we are happy to do whatever they would like while here, whether it's staying home and cooking dinner or going out, all 8 of us together. This trip is for them and we want them to enjoy it and relax. Bil and sil WANT to go out for some adult time. We let them pick out which days are best, which restaurants they'd like, etc. If they wanted to take baby with them while we left our kids at home, that would have been totally fine as well, as obviously a 2 month old will be primarily sleeping and not very active.

Guess she’s not nursing then.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You are doing to leave a 5 month old and 2 month old just to go out with family. This is like an alternate universe to me. If I were visiting you with my 2 mo I’d tell you to pound sand.

OP here. Wow. Are you serious? We are well aware that they are new parents and told them we are happy to do whatever they would like while here, whether it's staying home and cooking dinner or going out, all 8 of us together. This trip is for them and we want them to enjoy it and relax. Bil and sil WANT to go out for some adult time. We let them pick out which days are best, which restaurants they'd like, etc. If they wanted to take baby with them while we left our kids at home, that would have been totally fine as well, as obviously a 2 month old will be primarily sleeping and not very active.

Guess she’s not nursing then.

How is that relevant here?

[Anonymous]

Your sitters are charging you $37/hour? That’s pretty high. Just take the baby with you if they don’t want to pay for a sitter. $15 is very cheap. What are they planning for care if she goes back to work?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You are doing to leave a 5 month old and 2 month old just to go out with family. This is like an alternate universe to me. If I were visiting you with my 2 mo I’d tell you to pound sand.

OP here. Wow. Are you serious? We are well aware that they are new parents and told them we are happy to do whatever they would like while here, whether it's staying home and cooking dinner or going out, all 8 of us together. This trip is for them and we want them to enjoy it and relax. Bil and sil WANT to go out for some adult time. We let them pick out which days are best, which restaurants they'd like, etc. If they wanted to take baby with them while we left our kids at home, that would have been totally fine as well, as obviously a 2 month old will be primarily sleeping and not very active.

Guess she’s not nursing then.

Huh? You can still go out without a baby if you're nursing. Pump and leave a bottle for the sitter. You'll have twice as much milk when you return.

[Anonymous]

Basically, SIL and BIL are getting a free place to stay, many free meals/ free food, and other free activities. I too would be annoyed that as host I would be expected to also pay for their sitter. I think it is very kind of the OP to find a trustworthy, reliable sitter for the visiting baby, when I have made this request when visiting family they refused to find me one (and I was going to pay).

I wouldn't make this the hill to die on, and I wouldn't let it spoil the vacation, hence I would come to a compromise and offer to pay the $5 an hour difference. I would do this also to encourage and foster the cousin relationship as all the kids grow older. If the ILs are first time parents, then OPs kids haven't get this cousin for very long. Start the relationship off on the right foot. Is it annoying they balk a paying? Yes. But, sometimes in life you just have to be the bigger person for your kids.

And if these are OP's BIL and SIL then neither is OP's sibling and I assume it is DH's sibling? He should be taking the lead.

[Anonymous]

I'm just gonna chalk this up to cultural differences here. I can't imagine needing to go out so many times without the 2mo. And why it HAS to be double dates every single time. Wouldn't make more sense to alternate? One double date, one day where the sisters go out, another day where the visiting sister and her DH get a night off. That's what we'd do in my family. But we actually like our nieces and nephews.

[Anonymous]

So your sister’s vacation is going to cost you $600 in sitters, what $1000 for dinners and $200 for extra food. You are very generous.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You are doing to leave a 5 month old and 2 month old just to go out with family. This is like an alternate universe to me. If I were visiting you with my 2 mo I’d tell you to pound sand.

OP here. Wow. Are you serious? We are well aware that they are new parents and told them we are happy to do whatever they would like while here, whether it's staying home and cooking dinner or going out, all 8 of us together. This trip is for them and we want them to enjoy it and relax. Bil and sil WANT to go out for some adult time. We let them pick out which days are best, which restaurants they'd like, etc. If they wanted to take baby with them while we left our kids at home, that would have been totally fine as well, as obviously a 2 month old will be primarily sleeping and not very active.

Guess she’s not nursing then.

Huh? You can still go out without a baby if you're nursing. Pump and leave a bottle for the sitter. You'll have twice as much milk when you return.

I would have burst if I attempted that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You are doing to leave a 5 month old and 2 month old just to go out with family. This is like an alternate universe to me. If I were visiting you with my 2 mo I’d tell you to pound sand.

OP here. Wow. Are you serious? We are well aware that they are new parents and told them we are happy to do whatever they would like while here, whether it's staying home and cooking dinner or going out, all 8 of us together. This trip is for them and we want them to enjoy it and relax. Bil and sil WANT to go out for some adult time. We let them pick out which days are best, which restaurants they'd like, etc. If they wanted to take baby with them while we left our kids at home, that would have been totally fine as well, as obviously a 2 month old will be primarily sleeping and not very active.

Guess she’s not nursing then.

Why would you guess that? Many mothers, myself included, have to go back to full time work at 8-10 weeks and manage to make nursing/pumping work despite being away from their child for much larger and more frequent blocks of time. Or maybe they are in fact using formula, which is also fine. Either way, not sure why it’s relevant or you’re in a position to speculate. Nice effort at a guilt trip though.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm just gonna chalk this up to cultural differences here. I can't imagine needing to go out so many times without the 2mo. And why it HAS to be double dates every single time. Wouldn't make more sense to alternate? One double date, one day where the sisters go out, another day where the visiting sister and her DH get a night off. That's what we'd do in my family. But we actually like our nieces and nephews.

OP here. That's nice of you to speculate. I love my family but I'm not a martyr. First generation American and grew up with a "it takes a village" mentality with child care. Please don't assume that because we are going out without kids, we don't love them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You are doing to leave a 5 month old and 2 month old just to go out with family. This is like an alternate universe to me. If I were visiting you with my 2 mo I’d tell you to pound sand.

OP here. Wow. Are you serious? We are well aware that they are new parents and told them we are happy to do whatever they would like while here, whether it's staying home and cooking dinner or going out, all 8 of us together. This trip is for them and we want them to enjoy it and relax. Bil and sil WANT to go out for some adult time. We let them pick out which days are best, which restaurants they'd like, etc. If they wanted to take baby with them while we left our kids at home, that would have been totally fine as well, as obviously a 2 month old will be primarily sleeping and not very active.

Guess she’s not nursing then.

Huh? You can still go out without a baby if you're nursing. Pump and leave a bottle for the sitter. You'll have twice as much milk when you return.

I would have burst if I attempted that.

All these crazy FTMs of babies are hilarious.

Op go have fun! Ignore these crazies.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You are doing to leave a 5 month old and 2 month old just to go out with family. This is like an alternate universe to me. If I were visiting you with my 2 mo I’d tell you to pound sand.

OP here. Wow. Are you serious? We are well aware that they are new parents and told them we are happy to do whatever they would like while here, whether it's staying home and cooking dinner or going out, all 8 of us together. This trip is for them and we want them to enjoy it and relax. Bil and sil WANT to go out for some adult time. We let them pick out which days are best, which restaurants they'd like, etc. If they wanted to take baby with them while we left our kids at home, that would have been totally fine as well, as obviously a 2 month old will be primarily sleeping and not very active.

Guess she’s not nursing then.

Huh? You can still go out without a baby if you're nursing. Pump and leave a bottle for the sitter. You'll have twice as much milk when you return.

I would have burst if I attempted that.

All these crazy FTMs of babies are hilarious.

Op go have fun! Ignore these crazies.

Thanks pp, definitely plan to =)