Tell my DH what fresh hell it is at home?

[Anonymous]

Can you have someone come and help you? I roll my eyes (kind of) at it now, but when DH went out of town, I begged (and paid) for my mom to come and stay with me and my two toddlers. It was just EASIER. I could have swung it solo, but it just helped to have another adult around.

[Anonymous]

How much would you want him to complain to you if the tables were turned? What would he expect you to do from across the globe?

[Anonymous]

I will say that one perk of having two working parents who both have occasional work-related travel is we both KNOW that when you are working and solo parenting you are in. the. shit. DH was home with two puking toddlers while I was on a business trip to San Francisco (very light on the "business" part). He didn't sugar-coat it but he didn't make me feel bad about it, either, because who knows what I'll have to handle the next time he goes out of town. In the past when he's been away I've hosted pizza night with friends who have similar-aged kids or met up at a kid-friendly restaurant, just to break up the time a bit!

[Anonymous]

When my husband travels, we don't talk every day by any stretch--especially when the best time for him to call coincides with the kids being crazy. Some calls are very brief.

We text much more--then I can send little videos of the kids, brief here's what's cute/funny/exasperating. Texting is so much faster and works better when the crazy is happening.

And let him handle bedtime a bunch when he gets home while you do...whatever.

[Anonymous]

I don't think it's ok to vent to your spouse who is on a business trip about how sucky everything at home is. The spouse can't do anything about it, is on business travel (which is NOT all fun and glamorous, even in exotic locations), and the only reason for venting is to make yourself feel better. So find another way to do that until the spouse gets home. THEN you can give him a rundown of the circus.

I travel quite a bit for work and DH never complains or vents about what's going on at home. I know it's a shitshow and utterly exhausting for him with two small kids, but he keeps it to himself until I get home. By not putting it on me during my trip, he allows me to focus on work without worrying about what's happening at home or feeling guilty about not being able to be there. I am so grateful that he handles it this way because if it was an issue every time I had to travel, it would affect my career and also our marriage.

[Anonymous]

Oh I give him the whole shebang! Its just like he's here because why should he miss out on the joys of fatherhood? (Smile)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:LOL. I do both. A good relationship, you can laugh about it. Hang in there.

+1. My husband travels a fair amount. I work in biglaw and we have 2 kids and a third coming any day. I give him a nightly run down of the shot that transpired that evening and we commiserate. He knows what a shit show our live is at this current stage, so if I was like everything is great he would be more worried!

You have 3 kids and work long hours and are complaining..you probably have nannies the majority of the time.

[Anonymous]

OP, do a mother's day out program or get babysitter to come in a few hours a day.

[Anonymous]

It's a luxury to SAH.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It's a luxury to SAH.

Its more of a luxury to earn enough dollars, after taxes, to pay for someone to watch your kids while you are at work, and still have enough money leftover to make the use of your time meaningful.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's a luxury to SAH.

Its more of a luxury to earn enough dollars, after taxes, to pay for someone to watch your kids while you are at work, and still have enough money leftover to make the use of your time meaningful.

That's not a luxury. An employer doesn't just pay any old joe schmo X dollars to work.

[Anonymous]

No good advice to tell just know it does get better. Focus on you and the baby. Do what needs doing, let the rest go. Tell your husband you and the baby love and miss him. Don't make him feel guilty for making a living.

The positive side ? He will help when he gets home. Until then, when you get uptight close your eyes, count to 10 slowly touching each finger as you go. Breathe in through your nose, exhale through your mouth and remember being a mother is the highest honor in the world. It is.

[Anonymous]

Geez people. I mean I guess it is DCUM. Single working moms - I had one of those. She actually had way more childcare than I’ve ever experienced - full time during the day and my grandparents or her sister every single weekend of my childhood. I wouldn’t say she had it too rough.
Anyway, OP - I SAH with my 3yo (also have 2 school aged kids, 1 with significant special needs) and my DH travels every other week. While his location isn’t super glamorous, it’s hard not to be a little resentful of the evenings out and his facetiming with coffee on the balcony while I am wrestling all 3 kids during breakfast. But, I tell DH a condensed version of events and try to meetup with girlfriends (usually at playdates with coffee) often while he’s gone. I definitely had more time to myself when I was working fulltime, but I wouldn’t trade that for the ability to SAH. I love these years, even though they’re hard. I didn’t have the luxury of being at home with my oldest.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Depends on how sucky his location is and how hard he tried to get out of the trip.

He begged and pleaded but now he’s in the desert working 20 hours a day and getting shot at? Everything is perfect at home, honey, we miss you.

He volunteered for a semi-vacation and spends most of the day by the pool? Tell it like it is.

I'm just gonna say it. I would never be the kind of wife you are purporting to be here.
Let him enjoy the downtime on his trip...the joy of a sunset overlooking the beach in another part of the world on someone else's dime! It's a nice perk on a WORK TRIP. He's not "on vacation"...he's there for work. So what if it isn't a strenuous 9-5 like it is when he's home. He'll be home soon enough and back to the grind. If you NEED to tell him when he gets back, fine. But he can't do anything about it while he's there and you're just going to spoil the free enjoyable time he does have there by making him feel guilty and worry.

Even if he were spending his days by the pool on the trip that work sent him on...WHY NOT LET HIM ENJOY IT?!? You are his spouse and should be encouraging him and lifting him up and telling him "Babe...you work hard. Enjoy every second!" (And guess what...if you do that, he will come home with appreciation for you and ready to help out when you need it!)

Let me guess, no kids?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Depends on how sucky his location is and how hard he tried to get out of the trip.

He begged and pleaded but now he’s in the desert working 20 hours a day and getting shot at? Everything is perfect at home, honey, we miss you.

He volunteered for a semi-vacation and spends most of the day by the pool? Tell it like it is.

I'm just gonna say it. I would never be the kind of wife you are purporting to be here.
Let him enjoy the downtime on his trip...the joy of a sunset overlooking the beach in another part of the world on someone else's dime! It's a nice perk on a WORK TRIP. He's not "on vacation"...he's there for work. So what if it isn't a strenuous 9-5 like it is when he's home. He'll be home soon enough and back to the grind. If you NEED to tell him when he gets back, fine. But he can't do anything about it while he's there and you're just going to spoil the free enjoyable time he does have there by making him feel guilty and worry.

Even if he were spending his days by the pool on the trip that work sent him on...WHY NOT LET HIM ENJOY IT?!? You are his spouse and should be encouraging him and lifting him up and telling him "Babe...you work hard. Enjoy every second!" (And guess what...if you do that, he will come home with appreciation for you and ready to help out when you need it!)

Let me guess, no kids?

Haha that pp definitely does not have kids