Tell my DH what fresh hell it is at home?

[Anonymous]

Your post cracked me up, so I imagine your rendition of the sh*tshow at home would probably be delivered with good humor and funny (if painful) details. There’s a big difference between unleashing on your partner in an attempt to make them feel genuinely horrible and being honest about what’s going on in crazy town while he gets a tan between meetings and sleeps in a bed scattered with orchid petals or whatever.

So I say be honest but keep your sense of humor. Sometimes that’s the only thing that gets me through those long stretches of solo parenting.

I’ve also had to lay down the law about FaceTime. DH knows better than to call five minutes before bedtime when everyone is going off the rails. He also tends to just SIT there and expect everyone else to make conversation with him. Ask your DH to treat that call like a virtual toddler business meeting and his sole job is to keep that kid happy for however long he’s on the phone!!

Good luck!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Tell the truth but don’t be a martyr. Hire a sitter.

Seriously. It's one small kid and 3 weeks.

Totally agree

+1

One kid.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Depends on how sucky his location is and how hard he tried to get out of the trip.

He begged and pleaded but now he’s in the desert working 20 hours a day and getting shot at? Everything is perfect at home, honey, we miss you.

He volunteered for a semi-vacation and spends most of the day by the pool? Tell it like it is.

I'm just gonna say it. I would never be the kind of wife you are purporting to be here.
Let him enjoy the downtime on his trip...the joy of a sunset overlooking the beach in another part of the world on someone else's dime! It's a nice perk on a WORK TRIP. He's not "on vacation"...he's there for work. So what if it isn't a strenuous 9-5 like it is when he's home. He'll be home soon enough and back to the grind. If you NEED to tell him when he gets back, fine. But he can't do anything about it while he's there and you're just going to spoil the free enjoyable time he does have there by making him feel guilty and worry.

Even if he were spending his days by the pool on the trip that work sent him on...WHY NOT LET HIM ENJOY IT?!? You are his spouse and should be encouraging him and lifting him up and telling him "Babe...you work hard. Enjoy every second!" (And guess what...if you do that, he will come home with appreciation for you and ready to help out when you need it!)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Tell the truth but don’t be a martyr. Hire a sitter.

Seriously. It's one small kid and 3 weeks.

Totally agree

+1

One kid.

Yes, it may be just one kid but that doesn’t mean it’s not f-ing exhausting and challenging.

I tend to go on glamorous business trips and leave DH home with the kids a couple times a year. It sucks when you’re used to having a co-pilot and the kids often act out when I am gone. I have no issue with DH venting to me about it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Tell the truth but don’t be a martyr. Hire a sitter.

Seriously. It's one small kid and 3 weeks.

Totally agree

+1

One kid.

Yes, it may be just one kid but that doesn’t mean it’s not f-ing exhausting and challenging.

I tend to go on glamorous business trips and leave DH home with the kids a couple times a year. It sucks when you’re used to having a co-pilot and the kids often act out when I am gone. I have no issue with DH venting to me about it.

Single mom here and I agree. Parenting on your own is tiring no matter what.

OP, I agree with a pp who said to have him stay up a bit later to call you after the kid is in bed. Or don’t talk every night. Don’t answer when he calls mid meltdown (unless you being distracted has a calming effect on the kid, sometimes it did for my kid). Good luck, he’ll be back soon.

[Anonymous]

I agree that parenting alone is tough, especially with the toddler is out of her routine (dad gone). Plus in my experience two was easier than one kid. One takes 100% focus.

I'd tell him, but with humor, not guilt.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Lol, single mom here, rolling my eyes. Toughen up, sweet cakes.

Ahhh the old dcum gatekeeping. “Well my DH travels all the time and I don’t have arms or legs and I handle fifty eleven kids so toughen up, sweet cakes.”

[Anonymous]

You need more advance prep for trips. For example when my DH travels he pre-cooks most of our meals and portions them out so all I need to do is microwave. Get into a system for how you manage things when you are flying solo, and you'll find it less stressful each time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You need more advance prep for trips. For example when my DH travels he pre-cooks most of our meals and portions them out so all I need to do is microwave. Get into a system for how you manage things when you are flying solo, and you'll find it less stressful each time.

Excellent advice

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Lol, single mom here, rolling my eyes. Toughen up, sweet cakes.

Ahhh the old dcum gatekeeping. “Well my DH travels all the time and I don’t have arms or legs and I handle fifty eleven kids so toughen up, sweet cakes.”

I felt my eyes starting to roll - 4 kids, 2 full time jobs, similar situations all the time - but then realized I remember feeling the same way. Good luck.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Depends on how sucky his location is and how hard he tried to get out of the trip.

He begged and pleaded but now he’s in the desert working 20 hours a day and getting shot at? Everything is perfect at home, honey, we miss you.

He volunteered for a semi-vacation and spends most of the day by the pool? Tell it like it is.

I'm just gonna say it. I would never be the kind of wife you are purporting to be here.
Let him enjoy the downtime on his trip...the joy of a sunset overlooking the beach in another part of the world on someone else's dime! It's a nice perk on a WORK TRIP. He's not "on vacation"...he's there for work. So what if it isn't a strenuous 9-5 like it is when he's home. He'll be home soon enough and back to the grind. If you NEED to tell him when he gets back, fine. But he can't do anything about it while he's there and you're just going to spoil the free enjoyable time he does have there by making him feel guilty and worry.

Even if he were spending his days by the pool on the trip that work sent him on...WHY NOT LET HIM ENJOY IT?!? You are his spouse and should be encouraging him and lifting him up and telling him "Babe...you work hard. Enjoy every second!" (And guess what...if you do that, he will come home with appreciation for you and ready to help out when you need it!)

I guess you’re just a better wife than I am. You win.

[Anonymous]

Lol at the holier than thou posters trying to play the suffering Olympics. One kid or five, business trip for three weeks or military spouse, life can have its tough moments for everyone.

Also, just because OP is a sahm, it doesn't mean she's privileged. If you have the CHOICE, then THAT'S privilege. For many families in America, sah is out of necessity because daycare would cost more than both spouses working.

OP, if you can afford it, I would get a sitter for 3-4 hours at a time a couple days/evenings a week.
Go watch Avengers Endgame if you haven't done so. It's fantastic.
Go to the coffee shop or catch dinner with a friend.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My DH is on a three week freaking business trip on the other side of the moon and I’m at home doing the full time job mom thing to a two and a half year old who is leaning in to the full on toddler life and is turning the bedtime routine, among other things, into a total bid to break me. Would you mention this when your DH calls? He calls in the morning his time which is prime bedtime meltdown. When he asks how it’s going I’ve been telling him the truth. This child is crushing me and I’m exhausted. But then this gets DH all worried and guilty that he’s left me alone for so long. It also doesn’t help that he’s in a v glamorous location and when we FaceTime I can see the Asian beach he’s on. When your spouse is traveling have you made the decision to be like “we’re great! Focus on work!” Or are you like “actually his been screaming for 30min and just learned about scratching, also the hot water heater is out.”

Come on! Stop being so dramatic.

[Anonymous]

If he is on a business trip that long, he should be getting some extra money (a per diem or something). Use it to spend on a babysitter. I am a single mom and I easily went 9 months to a year without help from anyone. I had my kid 24/7/365 and still do but now he is old enough to be in school. You have one kid for 3 weeks. Buck up!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Depends on how sucky his location is and how hard he tried to get out of the trip.

He begged and pleaded but now he’s in the desert working 20 hours a day and getting shot at? Everything is perfect at home, honey, we miss you.

He volunteered for a semi-vacation and spends most of the day by the pool? Tell it like it is.

I'm just gonna say it. I would never be the kind of wife you are purporting to be here.
Let him enjoy the downtime on his trip...the joy of a sunset overlooking the beach in another part of the world on someone else's dime! It's a nice perk on a WORK TRIP. He's not "on vacation"...he's there for work. So what if it isn't a strenuous 9-5 like it is when he's home. He'll be home soon enough and back to the grind. If you NEED to tell him when he gets back, fine. But he can't do anything about it while he's there and you're just going to spoil the free enjoyable time he does have there by making him feel guilty and worry.

Even if he were spending his days by the pool on the trip that work sent him on...WHY NOT LET HIM ENJOY IT?!? You are his spouse and should be encouraging him and lifting him up and telling him "Babe...you work hard. Enjoy every second!" (And guess what...if you do that, he will come home with appreciation for you and ready to help out when you need it!)

Thank goodness I married someone like you (as did my wife, who travels as much as I do).