The Black Sheep Liberal of the Family, Back in the Conservative Wolf Den on Thanksgiving

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:certain things are racist and should be off limits - but having a healthy discussion on race is not always racist but is someones perceived that way by the listener who disgrees politically. i.e., debating affirmative action or debating the long-term effectiveness of the nanny state.

I have a black friend who always uses the N word. I told him that was racist and I didn't want my children to hear it, he said he can say it because he is black ...

A black person saying the "n" word -- might or might not be racist -- but it's certainly not polite.

I would also tell my friend here (and I'm assuming the PP isn't black herself) that my children aren't going to understand the difference. By him using that word, my children are going to think it's okay. For the same reason I try not to curse in front of them.

Why's it ok for an AA to use the N word and then get mad when a non-AA uses it? Doesn't using it just perpetuate the idea that it's somehow ok to use that word? That would like to referring to oneself by some derogatory term and then getting upset when someone else referred to you by the very term you used for yourself.

It's not. I am AA and several family members used to articulate that foul word in my presence. Now they do not. Somehow I have been able to make them understand the absurdness of using the word. Oh, maybe they just think I am crazy and respect me enough not to use it when I am around.

Probably a little of both. You at least put that bug in his mind, though, so if he uses it when you're not around, I imagine he at least thinks about it. Whether he takes your opinion on it seriously or not, you've made him think about it. Sometimes that's all you can do.

[Anonymous]

I am the only Democrat in my family of staunch conservative Republicans. (or so they say) Last time we were together it was Obama's fault that the 1st time homebuyers tax credit phased out with household incomes over certain levels. (I would have thought the issue was that there was a tax credit at all). For some reason my SIL believes she has received no benefit across her life of taxes and that with the exception of military (She thinks we should fund unlimited)- we should have limited government. Ah - can't wait for pie!

[Anonymous]

I am the only right-thinking conservative in my family of knee-jerk liberals, so I try my best to show them the error of their ways but it is an uphill struggle. Luckily I know that time is on my side.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am the only right-thinking conservative in my family of knee-jerk liberals, so I try my best to show them the error of their ways but it is an uphill struggle. Luckily I know that time is on my side.

I wouldn't count on it. My family's only grown more liberal as they age.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am the only right-thinking conservative in my family of knee-jerk liberals, so I try my best to show them the error of their ways but it is an uphill struggle. Luckily I know that time is on my side.

I wouldn't count on it. My family's only grown more liberal as they age.

Yeah, me too. I was shocked when they voted for Gore, and then for Obama. They still consider themselves conservative, but they said they had to vote for the person they had more faith in. Okay, except for my sister who thinks W is going down in the history books as the greatest President ever.

[Anonymous]

I used to teach high school in mostly white, rather backward small town. (KKK was spray-painted on many of the stop signs in the county.) My colleague and best friend taught freshman English. Her classes were always really challenging but she is amazingly talented and quick thinking, cool and popular with the kids.

One day she caught a boy scribbling KKK or swastikas on his desk. Her response, delivered in a bemused, non-accusatory tone: "Gosh Johnny, I'm really surprised to see you writing that kind of thing on the desks. Studies have shown that people with racist thoughts tend to be of lower intelligence and self-esteem, and I didn't think you were either one of those!" Great teaching moment with a 15 year old, effectively handled. Love the way she appealed to the better part of him.

[Anonymous]

I posted in another thread today about not hanging around with hurtful relatives. If I had a relative who said, in front of my daughters, that women shouldn't be in the workforce? Or used the N word? Or other ugly talk? I would not bring my children there anymore. Sorry.
Politics is always a bad idea but respectful political disagreements, that's one thing. But bigotry and hate, I will pass.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am the only right-thinking conservative in my family of knee-jerk liberals, so I try my best to show them the error of their ways but it is an uphill struggle. Luckily I know that time is on my side.

I wouldn't count on it. My family's only grown more liberal as they age.

Yeah, me too. I was shocked when they voted for Gore, and then for Obama. They still consider themselves conservative, but they said they had to vote for the person they had more faith in. Okay, except for my sister who thinks W is going down in the history books as the greatest President ever.

My mother's once conservative Christian husband voted for Obama after being a lifelong Republican, watches and enjoys John Stewart, and loves my flamiest gay friend.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:how is saying "colored" or "oriental" racist? outdated terms but hardly racist. what the heck does the NAACP stand for then?

Well, Ward, b/c we've evolved since 1950, I'd say that colored, for example, can apply to many - even lily white people and caucasians with tans. So I hardly think it's appropriate to bestow that adjective upon a certain group.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:how is saying "colored" or "oriental" racist? outdated terms but hardly racist. what the heck does the NAACP stand for then?

Well, Ward, b/c we've evolved since 1950, I'd say that colored, for example, can apply to many - even lily white people and caucasians with tans. So I hardly think it's appropriate to bestow that adjective upon a certain group.

so people of color is out too?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:how is saying "colored" or "oriental" racist? outdated terms but hardly racist. what the heck does the NAACP stand for then?

Well, Ward, b/c we've evolved since 1950, I'd say that colored, for example, can apply to many - even lily white people and caucasians with tans. So I hardly think it's appropriate to bestow that adjective upon a certain group.

so people of color is out too?

but some of the colors are okay like black or brown but not yellow or red?

[Anonymous]

I'm a very black sheep, the gay relative!

My partner and I have brought our kids home to visit my very conservative family, and honestly, most of the talk has switched to the kids and general life stuff. Every now and then we get into political discussions, but saying things like "I can't vote for a party that legislates against my family" has pretty much shut that down.

Now, if only the "liberal" democrats in office would give more than lip service to gay issues, I might have a leg to stand on.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I posted in another thread today about not hanging around with hurtful relatives. If I had a relative who said, in front of my daughters, that women shouldn't be in the workforce?

That was me. But I don't think it's to a point we need to cut off contact with the in-laws. He didn't say it in front of my daughter. But if/when he does, I will respond, hopefully in a way that will help her understand you don't have to agree with everything your relatives think. And that you can love them in spite of their faults. I don't think in this case it needs to be all or nothing. We don't see them that much. In other cases, people probably would be better off not seeing their relatives.

My grandma said some racist things in front of me when I was younger. I didn't grow up agreeing with her. I also didn't see her a whole lot, and my parents raised me to believe that people are people no matter what their skin color. I hope I can do that for my daughter without cutting off the in-laws from our lives.

[Anonymous]

You say: pass the stuffing.

You should find a way to ask for language changes, but be aware that if you do it AT THE TABLE you will make everyone defensive.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:how is saying "colored" or "oriental" racist? outdated terms but hardly racist. what the heck does the NAACP stand for then?

Well, Ward, b/c we've evolved since 1950, I'd say that colored, for example, can apply to many - even lily white people and caucasians with tans. So I hardly think it's appropriate to bestow that adjective upon a certain group.

so people of color is out too?

In the UK when you say Asian you are mostly referring to Indians and Pakistanis. Orientals refers to Chinese, Japanese, Korean, Vietnamese... I don't think that makes them a country of racists. My husband refers to himself as Oriental, not Asian, because his ancestry is from the Orient.