I think it's doable, but you will need to hire a nanny. (AP + daycare could also work, but you've ruled that out for now.)
My DH and I are similar-ish. He an ER doc at a major teaching center w/ admin responsibilities & active research, so he has a fair amount of scheduling flexibility way in advance and basically none at the last minute. He works 50-60 hours a week, including a number of nights and weekends. I am a government lawyer in a moderately-demanding position (50ish hours/week + a few days of travel every month or two) with flexibility within reason and an understanding boss. We have 3 kids under 5. Our lives are insanely busy and would be actually impossible if we didn't have a nanny w/ a flexible schedule (50 hours/week). You cannot both have somewhat inflexible jobs and small children and use (exclusively) daycare w/o driving yourselves absolutely insane. Once that's covered, I think you can manage providing your job looks more like mine and less like big law ("flexibility within reason"), which it sounds like it does... but I can't be entirely sure. Also, you only have one kid, so that's way easier. As an aside, you absolutely cannot schedule around your kid's bedtime being 6:30 long term. You'd need to block out 4:30-8ish if that was really your plan to get through the next few years. |
OP here, yeah, the resounding information seems to be to hire a nanny. That makes me a bit sad because we absolutely love our daycare, as does our DD. I honestly think we might be able to handle it with one child for now, as long as we have a couple great backup sitters for the days when it's impossible. Hiring a cleaner also is high on our list. It's also great advice regarding the bedtime. I keep forgetting that's going to be pushed back as she gets older, haha. Thanks again everyone! I've been reading all of your comments and advice and it's really helped me. I'm going to see how the negotiation process goes and take it from there. But truly, this has been very helpful. |
I agree OP - with one kid, you might be able to make daycare work and I wouldn't throw everything out before trying it. That could cause even more stress especially if you love your daycare! If it doesn't work, you know you can look to transition into nanny as a backup. Good luck! |
Lol on negotiating hours and travel during your first year before you have proven yourself at the new job.
If you can get a similar job when your last child (whether you have 1 or end up with 2) is around 3 years old, then I’d say keep your job. Even if you can only get a lesser similar job later, wait. You’ll thank me later. As is often the case, if you can’t get that type of job years from now, it’s up to your priorities. Juggling motherhood with a FT job and a commute is shockingly, surprisingly exhausting. Unless you can outsource or get a lot of family help, us women really cannot have it all when kids are infants toddlers and preschoolers. |
Nanny pay can very easily run you way over $3k a month. Even if you get a so so nanny because you can’t afford a really good one, if you need coverage like more than 50 hours, it again easily hits $4k. |
I'm a journalist, and this is why I had a baby at 40. But that time I had punched my ticket, ran my own department, and could delegate when I needed to. My DH freelanced from home. Then he got a big job, and I stayed home for a couple years, then went part time. I think the travel would be the killer, OP, coupled with a DH with little flexibility. |
The bed time is going to get pushed back because you are going to want to spend time with your child as well as she is getting older.
I made the opposite choice that you are making. I have a job with a ton of flexibility that allows me to pick up my son from school. It pays well and only requires 40 hours a week. I cannot work from home. But it is not intellectually stimulating. I get regular raises and my work is appreciated and valued, so that is not an issue. Boredom is. Changing jobs would mean giving up the flexibility and probably working more hours. The challenge would be nice and the extra money would be cool but I am not willing to give up the ability to be home with my son after school. We make enough that we are saving for retirement, have no debt (except the house), saving for his college and have a nice nest egg for a possibe worst case scenario (losing a job, illness). A part of me wants a more challenging job but I love having the time with my son and I like that he has the benefits of a working Mom and a stay at home Mom. The key is will you be happy with the lifestyle change and do you think it will benefit your family? As long as you are comfortable that you can make it work, go for it. There are ways to make it work, there are a ton of good suggestions in this thread. |
OP here, thanks for writing. This is why I'm torn. I really like my current job, am in a senior role and the company has been very flexible. I like what I do, but I know if I stay here for 5, 10, 15 years, I'll still be in the same role and doing the same job. There's no room for growth. I'm torn between going to a company where the sky's the limit in terms of growth potential and financial earnings, or sticking it out in a role that's gotten a bit monotonous (and will continue to be so) for the long-term to best take advantage of the flexibility. The catch for me, especially, is that while we're doing fine financially now, we wouldn't be able to afford to have a second child if I stay at my current job, and I'd really like to have a second child, whereas we would be able to afford to have one if I take this other opportunity. |
But you would have less time with both kids in the second job. The suggestions are heavy use of Nannies and hired folks to watch your kids, so two kids but less time with them, at least in the short term. How hard would it be to find another job if you find that you are unhappy with the new position and what it requires? What type of life style changes do you need to make in order to have the second child in your current position or in a new position that is some where in between the two? Does it mean kids sharing a bedroom in a townhouse and not buying a new house? Eating out less and more staycations? I fully understand you dilemma and sympathize. I suppose I am lucky in that I know that I am not challenged, and it does suck, but I am not driven to find the challenge so much that I am willing to change jobs. I guess I have "embraced" the position for what it is and what it allows me to do and I am ok with that. You don't sound ok with that and yearn for the more fulfilling job. There is nothing wrong with that and there is nothing wrong with acting on it. It sounds like you have a great opportunity in front of you, so take it. See how it works out. I would hold off on buying a house and making larger financial changes until you give the new job and scenario to play out for a good period of time. Make sure that you have all adjusted and that you, personally, are happy with the changes before you buy the house and make other changes that would make it harder for you to potential shift positions if the new situation doesn't pan out. So take the risk but leave yourself a safety net for a year or so so that you have room to adjust if you find that you need/want to. |
I'm a PP who went from a demanding and challenging job to a less challenging and demanding job after three years. Putting in my time was worth it because of the second job I landed, so I'm not sorry for having taken that first job even though it meant so much more time away from my kids and I do realize now that I have traded off the level of stimulation in my job but I'm totally ok with it. It's still demanding and challenging but I don't cry or feel stressed out like I used to so I feel like I've hit the sweet spot. So I'm giving a vote for doing the new job and getting a nanny for flexibility if you think either (1) you'll be happy like that long term or (2) you think you'll be able to transition to something more livable down the road (which is sounds like you might be able to do). |