Facing a career move and don't know how to juggle everything -- advice needed!

[Anonymous]

Is it a situation where you can negotiate in flexibility? I did this when I recently switched career fields (from journalism, ha). My job in journalism was actually super flexible and DH's job/career is not flexible at all, but I needed to get out. I negotiated some flexibility into my new job to make it work, which I was able to do because they really wanted me. It's not the same level of flexibility as before, but nothing would be, and that probably wasn't sustainable long-term anyway.

They already knew I have small kids, and most of my leadership also has kids so they get it, so that helped. I made it clear I really needed flexibility, so I work core office hours of 9:30-4:30 and work from home one day a week, with the ability to be remote additional days in situations like having a sick kid. I also work for an hour or two after my kids are in bed most evenings.

I found being really honest about my situation and needs was beneficial in my scenario, though I know that's not always the case. Can your husband also try to figure out some alternative options for flexibility? Yours is a tough situation, though I'm pretty sure if I had to "lean in" but would double my salary, DH would find a way to be a little more flexible!

[Anonymous]

On #1 and #4, how would you envision the role working with those types of flexibility?

On #1, is it realistic to disconnect generally during those hours and how often would you need to make an exception? (where are the people you are working with located - in the same time zone?)

On #4, if you didn't travel to some of the things they need you to travel for, what would happen instead (e.g. someone else travels or you do that stuff remotely)?

For my job, #1 is realistic and #4 really isn't... but YMMV

[Anonymous]

I'd get an au pair. Ours has made a tremendous difference for us, as we both have big jobs. She has the flexibility to pick up care on short notice. It sounds like you need that with your husband's job. She does all pick ups, drop offs, and getting rhe kids ready to go. It means I can have a peaceful breakfast with my kids in the morning while she preps. And I come home to a happy house with kids who are happily playing. No more rushing for drop offs and pick ups. No more sick day scrambling. So amazing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'd get an au pair. Ours has made a tremendous difference for us, as we both have big jobs. She has the flexibility to pick up care on short notice. It sounds like you need that with your husband's job. She does all pick ups, drop offs, and getting rhe kids ready to go. It means I can have a peaceful breakfast with my kids in the morning while she preps. And I come home to a happy house with kids who are happily playing. No more rushing for drop offs and pick ups. No more sick day scrambling. So amazing.

This does sound great, but we currently have a two bedroom condo, and I believe you need to give an au pair a bedroom, so this wouldn't work unless we moved (which we can't afford to do at the moment, especially if I don't take the job).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:On #1 and #4, how would you envision the role working with those types of flexibility?

On #1, is it realistic to disconnect generally during those hours and how often would you need to make an exception? (where are the people you are working with located - in the same time zone?)

On #4, if you didn't travel to some of the things they need you to travel for, what would happen instead (e.g. someone else travels or you do that stuff remotely)?

For my job, #1 is realistic and #4 really isn't... but YMMV

Op here! #1 hours from pickup through bedtime would be from 4:30-6:30 p.m. or so, so it wouldn't be too long (and yes, majority would be in the same time zone). I could definitely check back in after she's asleep.
#4, some of the travel I could delegate out, some of the travel I would have to do, and some my boss would do. I'm not sure how much is expected of me, as the job posting amount and the amount disclosed in the interview were very different. This is something I'd have to negotiate before accepting, as it would most likely be the deal breaker.

[Anonymous]

I would do full time nanny + preschool and then transition when your child starts K to school plus aftercare if your hours are predictable or school plus au pair/nanny if you both are still working evenings. That is the least stressful way this could work. IMO daycare is a non-starter with your new job you don't have to struggle you can put the extra pay towards childcare for a few years.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Is it a situation where you can negotiate in flexibility? I did this when I recently switched career fields (from journalism, ha). My job in journalism was actually super flexible and DH's job/career is not flexible at all, but I needed to get out. I negotiated some flexibility into my new job to make it work, which I was able to do because they really wanted me. It's not the same level of flexibility as before, but nothing would be, and that probably wasn't sustainable long-term anyway.

They already knew I have small kids, and most of my leadership also has kids so they get it, so that helped. I made it clear I really needed flexibility, so I work core office hours of 9:30-4:30 and work from home one day a week, with the ability to be remote additional days in situations like having a sick kid. I also work for an hour or two after my kids are in bed most evenings.

I found being really honest about my situation and needs was beneficial in my scenario, though I know that's not always the case. Can your husband also try to figure out some alternative options for flexibility? Yours is a tough situation, though I'm pretty sure if I had to "lean in" but would double my salary, DH would find a way to be a little more flexible!

This sounds like exactly my situation, thank you so much for writing. I know several people on the team (and higher up than I would be) have young kids, but my direct boss doesn't. Not sure how that would impact anything, though I am at a company now where I'm the only one with kids on my team (I'm also a journalist!). I've been very nervous about disclosing my needs too much because I don't want to be overlooked or not considered because I have a young child, but I think you're right and I need to be upfront and honest with my needs. If they can't meet it, then it isn't the right fit. Thank you, that's been very helpful!

[Anonymous]

My best friend and her husband both have demanding, travelling jobs. They have an amazing nanny that basically runs their household and manage other part time sitters for when they travel. (Either the main nanny stays overnight or she gets other sitters who are mostly her friends to stay over.) I think nanny has a debit card for grocery shopping, etc. Their nanny gets paid WELL (more than entry level at a corporate job) - they found her through a reputable agency.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is it a situation where you can negotiate in flexibility? I did this when I recently switched career fields (from journalism, ha). My job in journalism was actually super flexible and DH's job/career is not flexible at all, but I needed to get out. I negotiated some flexibility into my new job to make it work, which I was able to do because they really wanted me. It's not the same level of flexibility as before, but nothing would be, and that probably wasn't sustainable long-term anyway.

They already knew I have small kids, and most of my leadership also has kids so they get it, so that helped. I made it clear I really needed flexibility, so I work core office hours of 9:30-4:30 and work from home one day a week, with the ability to be remote additional days in situations like having a sick kid. I also work for an hour or two after my kids are in bed most evenings.

I found being really honest about my situation and needs was beneficial in my scenario, though I know that's not always the case. Can your husband also try to figure out some alternative options for flexibility? Yours is a tough situation, though I'm pretty sure if I had to "lean in" but would double my salary, DH would find a way to be a little more flexible!

This sounds like exactly my situation, thank you so much for writing. I know several people on the team (and higher up than I would be) have young kids, but my direct boss doesn't. Not sure how that would impact anything, though I am at a company now where I'm the only one with kids on my team (I'm also a journalist!). I've been very nervous about disclosing my needs too much because I don't want to be overlooked or not considered because I have a young child, but I think you're right and I need to be upfront and honest with my needs. If they can't meet it, then it isn't the right fit. Thank you, that's been very helpful!

PP here -- glad it helped! I agree that if they can't meet your needs it's not the right fit. I looked for a long time (probably a year-plus, sometimes casually and other times more actively) for the right job to get me out of journalism, and along the way I interviewed at probably half a dozen or more places, turning down three different offers. I'm glad I waited for the right opportunity.

[Anonymous]

Contact a good nanny agency now and outline your potential needs including coverage during travel. There is no cost unless you hire and you will see who is out there and the cost so you will have more information upon which to base your decision. Frankly 10 percent travel would not phase me as long as you have childcare in place. I'd suggest really trying to make this one work. It is easier to start a new job with one child than two.

[Anonymous]

Take the job and get a nanny. Nanny would be better when you have #2.

[Anonymous]

Do your parents have any flexibility? We never needed someone to live here, but if there was a week where I was late every night and DH was traveling, they would come down just for those days. It is another way to use a resource for those tough spots, not every day care.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Do your parents have any flexibility? We never needed someone to live here, but if there was a week where I was late every night and DH was traveling, they would come down just for those days. It is another way to use a resource for those tough spots, not every day care.

They do, and it's definitely something we'll do when the need arises. In the meantime, I need to figure out how to go about finding a good, occasional sitter or nanny.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:On #1 and #4, how would you envision the role working with those types of flexibility?

On #1, is it realistic to disconnect generally during those hours and how often would you need to make an exception? (where are the people you are working with located - in the same time zone?)

On #4, if you didn't travel to some of the things they need you to travel for, what would happen instead (e.g. someone else travels or you do that stuff remotely)?

For my job, #1 is realistic and #4 really isn't... but YMMV

Op here! #1 hours from pickup through bedtime would be from 4:30-6:30 p.m. or so, so it wouldn't be too long (and yes, majority would be in the same time zone). I could definitely check back in after she's asleep.
#4, some of the travel I could delegate out, some of the travel I would have to do, and some my boss would do. I'm not sure how much is expected of me, as the job posting amount and the amount disclosed in the interview were very different. This is something I'd have to negotiate before accepting, as it would most likely be the deal breaker.

That 6:30 bedtime will not stay, it will get later and later.

[Anonymous]

We both have demanding jobs and my husband travels for his frequently. We have a baby and a toddler. Here is what my days look like: 5:45 am - out of bed, get ready, kids wake up around 6:30. 7 am - nanny arrives and I head out (husband is gone by then). I get home around 5-5:30 PM, the nanny heads out, I am with the kids for the next few hours to play, read to them/do bedtime routine etc. Once they are in bed, I am back online working until 10-11 pm. Then I shower and go to bed - at that point it's midnight or later. We have a cleaning lady come to the house to help us keep up or it would be a complete sty. Exercise is a distant dream - I used to be a runner and quite fit and now I'm skinny-fat. I would love a job with a little flexibility - it would be nice to have a little time to myself.