I smacked my kid this morning

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A lot of holier than thou parents here.

+1

No, I am usually of the no big deal kind. But, she is clearly stressed about the other two, didn't pay attention to her older, and then she hit him, after allowing him to read and stay up late. He has to manage his time better...he is ten, maybe he can, maybe he can't. Impression is that OP is putting too much pressure on the oldest child who is generally a good kid. This is so typical, good kid has to manage his time, do everything right, never gets a pass, and I bet you OP is more strict on him. Older kids know and recognize this parental behavior. OP should apologize and explain that she was also wrong about letting him stay up. Just because other two are pains doesn't mean she bullies the oldest child and doesn't parent him.
OP, I say this honestly, there is no regret in your posts, that is the most troubling part. Even parents that smack a kid who deserve it(which I am not sure what that is...) feel remorse, you don't seem to. Why is that?

What in the world makes you think OP doesn't feel remorse? I get the sense that she does, hence she posted here. Why would she post on here if she didn't feel badly for what happened?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A lot of holier than thou parents here.

+1

No, I am usually of the no big deal kind. But, she is clearly stressed about the other two, didn't pay attention to her older, and then she hit him, after allowing him to read and stay up late. He has to manage his time better...he is ten, maybe he can, maybe he can't. Impression is that OP is putting too much pressure on the oldest child who is generally a good kid. This is so typical, good kid has to manage his time, do everything right, never gets a pass, and I bet you OP is more strict on him. Older kids know and recognize this parental behavior. OP should apologize and explain that she was also wrong about letting him stay up. Just because other two are pains doesn't mean she bullies the oldest child and doesn't parent him.
OP, I say this honestly, there is no regret in your posts, that is the most troubling part. Even parents that smack a kid who deserve it(which I am not sure what that is...) feel remorse, you don't seem to. Why is that?

What in the world makes you think OP doesn't feel remorse? I get the sense that she does, hence she posted here. Why would she post on here if she didn't feel badly for what happened?

Where is the remorse?? All I am getting is, he lied, he wasn't on time, he didn't prepare, my other two are sick or pains, he is normally a good kid... Did she say maybe he is acting up because I had no time for him due to other two being difficult? She screamed and yelled and hit, come on. Plenty of us had a grabby, obnoxious kid and might have smacked their hand especially in the car if it was dangerous... but I know when I did that a couple of times, in the spur of the moment, inside I was dying and feeling as the worst parent ever. I made sure to keep an eye on losing my temper, I am the parent, not ok for a parent to scream, yell and hit. Let's hear from OP. Do you feel bad for yelling and screaming and hitting your kid? If she does, I will apologize to her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A lot of holier than thou parents here.

+1

No, I am usually of the no big deal kind. But, she is clearly stressed about the other two, didn't pay attention to her older, and then she hit him, after allowing him to read and stay up late. He has to manage his time better...he is ten, maybe he can, maybe he can't. Impression is that OP is putting too much pressure on the oldest child who is generally a good kid. This is so typical, good kid has to manage his time, do everything right, never gets a pass, and I bet you OP is more strict on him. Older kids know and recognize this parental behavior. OP should apologize and explain that she was also wrong about letting him stay up. Just because other two are pains doesn't mean she bullies the oldest child and doesn't parent him.
OP, I say this honestly, there is no regret in your posts, that is the most troubling part. Even parents that smack a kid who deserve it(which I am not sure what that is...) feel remorse, you don't seem to. Why is that?

What in the world makes you think OP doesn't feel remorse? I get the sense that she does, hence she posted here. Why would she post on here if she didn't feel badly for what happened?

DP... looking for validation? Which, for the record, there is lots of on this thread.

[Anonymous]

don’t apologize, that just stupid. just don’t do it again.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No, I would not have let him miss the bus. Obviously, not your best parenting moment, but hang in there. Tomorrow is another day. When I make parenting mistakes, I own up to it with my kids at the end of the day, and they are forgiving. But, I do tell them *why* I was so upset, and they usually apologize if they did wrong, and own up to it.

I think you were in a tough spot. How do you make a child get on the bus if the child physically refuses to budge? I have seen parents allow their kids to not take the bus, and instead the parent will drive them to school. IMO, that's just giving in to your kid's tantrum.

+1 on this. Apologize without any buts (no I am sorry, but...). Just apologize.
But a kid getting a smack one time is not an abused child. Just a kid being raised by an imperfect parent, like most of us.

I will apologize to him after school. Obviously not my proudest moment.

He had a massive attitude during breakfast when I asked him a few questions about his test today. It was obvious he was unprepared. I got upset because I asked him if he had any exams this week and he said he had no homework yesterday.

I've been there OP. I get upset at my kids for purposefully lying to me about HW and tests, and throw in the attitude, that would make it worse.

Lesson learned for both parties, hopefully, and move on.

Spring sports and activities just started. And cub scouts has been having like 2-3 meetings/activities per week. We are all getting used to sports starting up again.

DS is a good student. He is in AAP and math is moving quickly. Think he is frustrated because they are throwing SOL prep at school as well. I’m not trying to change the subject. We need better time management. I actually asked him yesterday if doing tennis and soccer was too much and he said no.

[Anonymous]

I don't know how I would have handled that OP, probably either the way you did (including the feeling bad about it later part) or by forcing him to find his own way to school after he missed the bus and forcing him to own up to his teacher that he wasn't prepared for the test.

I do think you're getting too much crap from people on this board though. You're human, you did something you're not proud of, odds are your kid will be fine, especially if you address it with him. When I was a kid my mom worked nights and I remember one time I was being a real a$$ in the morning about getting ready for school and she spanked me hard. After school she apologized and said she was so exhausted and just couldn't take it anymore and overreacted. I apologized for being a jerk. I learned the important lesson that sometimes when people are at the end of their rope, you need to give them some slack.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A lot of holier than thou parents here.

+1

No, I am usually of the no big deal kind. But, she is clearly stressed about the other two, didn't pay attention to her older, and then she hit him, after allowing him to read and stay up late. He has to manage his time better...he is ten, maybe he can, maybe he can't. Impression is that OP is putting too much pressure on the oldest child who is generally a good kid. This is so typical, good kid has to manage his time, do everything right, never gets a pass, and I bet you OP is more strict on him. Older kids know and recognize this parental behavior. OP should apologize and explain that she was also wrong about letting him stay up. Just because other two are pains doesn't mean she bullies the oldest child and doesn't parent him.
OP, I say this honestly, there is no regret in your posts, that is the most troubling part. Even parents that smack a kid who deserve it(which I am not sure what that is...) feel remorse, you don't seem to. Why is that?

What in the world makes you think OP doesn't feel remorse? I get the sense that she does, hence she posted here. Why would she post on here if she didn't feel badly for what happened?

Where is the remorse?? All I am getting is, he lied, he wasn't on time, he didn't prepare, my other two are sick or pains, he is normally a good kid... Did she say maybe he is acting up because I had no time for him due to other two being difficult? She screamed and yelled and hit, come on. Plenty of us had a grabby, obnoxious kid and might have smacked their hand especially in the car if it was dangerous... but I know when I did that a couple of times, in the spur of the moment, inside I was dying and feeling as the worst parent ever. I made sure to keep an eye on losing my temper, I am the parent, not ok for a parent to scream, yell and hit. Let's hear from OP. Do you feel bad for yelling and screaming and hitting your kid? If she does, I will apologize to her.

Of course I feel remorse. That’s why I posted. I was hoping for some empathy. Been there. Done that. My kids have missed the bus. Let him do poorly on a test. We all have bad days. I should have known better.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:A lot of holier than thou parents here.

I'm not holier than thou. But I grew up with a father with an anger management problem and a mother who lied about hitting us. And I swore I would better manage my anger and never hit my kid. And I've kept that promise to myself. Have I gotten furious? Yes. Did I scream so loudly at her when she ran into a busy parking lot that my throat hurt for 24 hours? Yes. But I did not hit her. That crosses a line.

I would cry if any man old enough to be my father got angry at me, until my early 30's. Because of my father's rage issue.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No, I would not have let him miss the bus. Obviously, not your best parenting moment, but hang in there. Tomorrow is another day. When I make parenting mistakes, I own up to it with my kids at the end of the day, and they are forgiving. But, I do tell them *why* I was so upset, and they usually apologize if they did wrong, and own up to it.

I think you were in a tough spot. How do you make a child get on the bus if the child physically refuses to budge? I have seen parents allow their kids to not take the bus, and instead the parent will drive them to school. IMO, that's just giving in to your kid's tantrum.

+1 on this. Apologize without any buts (no I am sorry, but...). Just apologize.
But a kid getting a smack one time is not an abused child. Just a kid being raised by an imperfect parent, like most of us.

I will apologize to him after school. Obviously not my proudest moment.

He had a massive attitude during breakfast when I asked him a few questions about his test today. It was obvious he was unprepared. I got upset because I asked him if he had any exams this week and he said he had no homework yesterday.

I've been there OP. I get upset at my kids for purposefully lying to me about HW and tests, and throw in the attitude, that would make it worse.

Lesson learned for both parties, hopefully, and move on.

Spring sports and activities just started. And cub scouts has been having like 2-3 meetings/activities per week. We are all getting used to sports starting up again.

DS is a good student. He is in AAP and math is moving quickly. Think he is frustrated because they are throwing SOL prep at school as well. I’m not trying to change the subject. We need better time management. I actually asked him yesterday if doing tennis and soccer was too much and he said no.

Then the question is for YOU... are these activities too much for you, OP?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A lot of holier than thou parents here.

+1

No, I am usually of the no big deal kind. But, she is clearly stressed about the other two, didn't pay attention to her older, and then she hit him, after allowing him to read and stay up late. He has to manage his time better...he is ten, maybe he can, maybe he can't. Impression is that OP is putting too much pressure on the oldest child who is generally a good kid. This is so typical, good kid has to manage his time, do everything right, never gets a pass, and I bet you OP is more strict on him. Older kids know and recognize this parental behavior. OP should apologize and explain that she was also wrong about letting him stay up. Just because other two are pains doesn't mean she bullies the oldest child and doesn't parent him.
OP, I say this honestly, there is no regret in your posts, that is the most troubling part. Even parents that smack a kid who deserve it(which I am not sure what that is...) feel remorse, you don't seem to. Why is that?

Assuming this is real, OP needs to learn to parent better if she's having issues with the toddler and middle one is sick. To snap at a generally good kid makes no sense when she should have helped the situation more in the AM vs. just being annoyed he didn't manage his time well and get on the bus on time. How is a 10 year old in middle school?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A lot of holier than thou parents here.

+1

No, I am usually of the no big deal kind. But, she is clearly stressed about the other two, didn't pay attention to her older, and then she hit him, after allowing him to read and stay up late. He has to manage his time better...he is ten, maybe he can, maybe he can't. Impression is that OP is putting too much pressure on the oldest child who is generally a good kid. This is so typical, good kid has to manage his time, do everything right, never gets a pass, and I bet you OP is more strict on him. Older kids know and recognize this parental behavior. OP should apologize and explain that she was also wrong about letting him stay up. Just because other two are pains doesn't mean she bullies the oldest child and doesn't parent him.
OP, I say this honestly, there is no regret in your posts, that is the most troubling part. Even parents that smack a kid who deserve it(which I am not sure what that is...) feel remorse, you don't seem to. Why is that?

What in the world makes you think OP doesn't feel remorse? I get the sense that she does, hence she posted here. Why would she post on here if she didn't feel badly for what happened?

Where is the remorse?? All I am getting is, he lied, he wasn't on time, he didn't prepare, my other two are sick or pains, he is normally a good kid... Did she say maybe he is acting up because I had no time for him due to other two being difficult? She screamed and yelled and hit, come on. Plenty of us had a grabby, obnoxious kid and might have smacked their hand especially in the car if it was dangerous... but I know when I did that a couple of times, in the spur of the moment, inside I was dying and feeling as the worst parent ever. I made sure to keep an eye on losing my temper, I am the parent, not ok for a parent to scream, yell and hit. Let's hear from OP. Do you feel bad for yelling and screaming and hitting your kid? If she does, I will apologize to her.

Of course I feel remorse. That’s why I posted. I was hoping for some empathy. Been there. Done that. My kids have missed the bus. Let him do poorly on a test. We all have bad days. I should have known better.

I feel for you OP, but yea, you should've known better about this forum. You'll get your occasional btdt, move on type comments (I was one), but the vast majority are sanctimonious jerks whose kids will probably end up taking drugs when they get older. Mine might, too, but at least I wasn't a sanctimonious jerk about how great my parenting skills were and can admit when I fail as a parent.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A lot of holier than thou parents here.

I'm not holier than thou. But I grew up with a father with an anger management problem and a mother who lied about hitting us. And I swore I would better manage my anger and never hit my kid. And I've kept that promise to myself. Have I gotten furious? Yes. Did I scream so loudly at her when she ran into a busy parking lot that my throat hurt for 24 hours? Yes. But I did not hit her. That crosses a line.

I would cry if any man old enough to be my father got angry at me, until my early 30's. Because of my father's rage issue.

Again, some people just can't get any perspective.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Sorry you're having such a bad week.

Personally I would rather give into a power struggle like that than deal with the potential negative ramifications of hitting my kid (all the research out there doesn't seem to support hitting). You could always telll the teacher he intentionally missed the test and let the teacher deal with the consequences.

Anyway, this is just one small event, I would try not to stress about it too much.

so you would give in to him missing school to not get into a fight? welcome to the generation of snowflakes, how is that working out for you?

PARENT YOUR CHILDREN

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You need to develop better parenting tools. What is your plan for if this happens in the future? Why is he afraid to fail a test? What will you do to him then?

You said "I had to smack him." You need to take a good hard look at yourself. People here tend to encourage parents to forgive themselves and let it go, etc. No. What you did is abusive.

eh.. we all make parenting mistakes. I'm sure the kid is no worse for wear. Did OP smack the kid on the face, on the behind, upside the head? Those are all different, imo, and I actually did experience some abuse as a kid. I can tell the difference between actual abuse and a smack on the backside.

Glad you feel that way.

I also experienced abuse as a kid. Sexual, physical, emotional. We had the police in our home. I remember some of those times clear as day, and not all of them are “noteworthy”. Let me tell you this: I’m worse for the wear. Strangely, it’s the “ones on the backside” that I remember the most, because they weren’t just the ones that were random, but the ones that were meant to control me. But hey.. YMMV.

A CHILD gets to pick what they feel is abuse.

You clearly need therapy then. There is abuse and then there is *abuse*. Clearly, you suffered really bad abuse. A few smacks as a kid is not the same level. No child psychologist will tell you that a couple of smacks on the behind as a kid will result in life long issues.

agree. PP needs help

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No, I would not have let him miss the bus. Obviously, not your best parenting moment, but hang in there. Tomorrow is another day. When I make parenting mistakes, I own up to it with my kids at the end of the day, and they are forgiving. But, I do tell them *why* I was so upset, and they usually apologize if they did wrong, and own up to it.

I think you were in a tough spot. How do you make a child get on the bus if the child physically refuses to budge? I have seen parents allow their kids to not take the bus, and instead the parent will drive them to school. IMO, that's just giving in to your kid's tantrum.

+1 on this. Apologize without any buts (no I am sorry, but...). Just apologize.
But a kid getting a smack one time is not an abused child. Just a kid being raised by an imperfect parent, like most of us.

I will apologize to him after school. Obviously not my proudest moment.

He had a massive attitude during breakfast when I asked him a few questions about his test today. It was obvious he was unprepared. I got upset because I asked him if he had any exams this week and he said he had no homework yesterday.

I've been there OP. I get upset at my kids for purposefully lying to me about HW and tests, and throw in the attitude, that would make it worse.

Lesson learned for both parties, hopefully, and move on.

Spring sports and activities just started. And cub scouts has been having like 2-3 meetings/activities per week. We are all getting used to sports starting up again.

DS is a good student. He is in AAP and math is moving quickly. Think he is frustrated because they are throwing SOL prep at school as well. I’m not trying to change the subject. We need better time management. I actually asked him yesterday if doing tennis and soccer was too much and he said no.

Then the question is for YOU... are these activities too much for you, OP?

No, it isn’t. I will put academics first though.