I smacked my kid this morning

[Anonymous]

I work with some of the most severe behavior kids in an elementary school. No matter what they say or do I (and everybody else) am not allowed to touch them much less smack or hit them. So that means figure out another way to handle it. And that's what we do.

I can't help but think that all these people here who are giving the OP a pass on this would be the first ones to hire a lawyer if someone at school smacked their kid. I doubt they would be saying, Oh, you're just human! We all get frustrated! No big deal!

[Anonymous]

I wonder if this is a male female thing. Many posters who were abused seem to be female.

Almost all men I know were smacked and it doesn’t seem to affect them at all. Perhaps a different time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I wonder if this is a male female thing. Many posters who were abused seem to be female.

Almost all men I know were smacked and it doesn’t seem to affect them at all. Perhaps a different time.

I don't know your friends specifically but maybe all those guys who have been smacked around by their parents are the reason so many guys are angry assholes?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I work with some of the most severe behavior kids in an elementary school. No matter what they say or do I (and everybody else) am not allowed to touch them much less smack or hit them. So that means figure out another way to handle it. And that's what we do.

I can't help but think that all these people here who are giving the OP a pass on this would be the first ones to hire a lawyer if someone at school smacked their kid. I doubt they would be saying, Oh, you're just human! We all get frustrated! No big deal!

Big difference between a parent or teacher spanking a child.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sorry you're having such a bad week.

Personally I would rather give into a power struggle like that than deal with the potential negative ramifications of hitting my kid (all the research out there doesn't seem to support hitting). You could always telll the teacher he intentionally missed the test and let the teacher deal with the consequences.

Anyway, this is just one small event, I would try not to stress about it too much.

so you would give in to him missing school to not get into a fight? welcome to the generation of snowflakes, how is that working out for you?

PARENT YOUR CHILDREN

+1 A child that young doesn't have the perspective to realize this kind of behavior is a big deal. That's the job of the parent.

What research shows that it's better to give in to power struggles with your kid? You don't think this leads to negative ramifications down the road?

maybe you all should read what that poster said. If you're at an emotional point where your choice is to give in to a power struggle or smack your kid, she is saying she would choose giving into the power struggle.

Not that you would always given to the power struggle. You know, you don't have to be 100% consistent all the time, especially if it's going to lead you to being violent and angry.

on occasion, you have to just step back from the situation and handle your own emotions before things go sideways.


Also, you have no idea how dated and simple you sound using the played out word snowflakes. Give it up

So your solution is to walk away and let the kid miss school. How does that play out when the kid hits the teen years and *really* doesn't want to go to school? I love my kids too much to let them think they can miss school just because they don't feel like it.

I *really* don't care how dated I sound. I don't parent by what's currently in fashion. IMO, that's how we ended up with so many snowflakes.

If this is OP, I wonder why she is surprised by our opinions?! And then her mom used to yell at her dad to yell at them? I guess the apple...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:10 is too old to be hitting them. Sure you can do it, and sure it may change their behavior in the short term (which may be all some people are concerned with), but at that age it's best to find other ways to communicate with them. Because hitting your child was definitely a communication with them, but maybe he didn't understand the exact message you wanted to send. I know it's not easy as I have anger issues to deal with.

10 is not to old . In schools they hit until 12th grade. Those are 17/18 year olds.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sorry you're having such a bad week.

Personally I would rather give into a power struggle like that than deal with the potential negative ramifications of hitting my kid (all the research out there doesn't seem to support hitting). You could always telll the teacher he intentionally missed the test and let the teacher deal with the consequences.

Anyway, this is just one small event, I would try not to stress about it too much.

so you would give in to him missing school to not get into a fight? welcome to the generation of snowflakes, how is that working out for you?

PARENT YOUR CHILDREN

+1 A child that young doesn't have the perspective to realize this kind of behavior is a big deal. That's the job of the parent.

What research shows that it's better to give in to power struggles with your kid? You don't think this leads to negative ramifications down the road?

maybe you all should read what that poster said. If you're at an emotional point where your choice is to give in to a power struggle or smack your kid, she is saying she would choose giving into the power struggle.

Not that you would always given to the power struggle. You know, you don't have to be 100% consistent all the time, especially if it's going to lead you to being violent and angry.

on occasion, you have to just step back from the situation and handle your own emotions before things go sideways.


Also, you have no idea how dated and simple you sound using the played out word snowflakes. Give it up

So your solution is to walk away and let the kid miss school. How does that play out when the kid hits the teen years and *really* doesn't want to go to school? I love my kids too much to let them think they can miss school just because they don't feel like it.

I *really* don't care how dated I sound. I don't parent by what's currently in fashion. IMO, that's how we ended up with so many snowflakes.

If this is OP, I wonder why she is surprised by our opinions?! And then her mom used to yell at her dad to yell at them? I guess the apple...

No, that wasn’t me.

-OP

[Anonymous]

You made a mistake and so apoligize and talk about what happened. Kids are forgiving. Move on, do better.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I wonder if this is a male female thing. Many posters who were abused seem to be female.

Almost all men I know were smacked and it doesn’t seem to affect them at all. Perhaps a different time.

I don't know your friends specifically but maybe all those guys who have been smacked around by their parents are the reason so many guys are angry assholes?

Wow. No. My DH was smacked and more by his mom. It absolutely affected him deeply and informs the way he parents: no hitting, no yelling, no anger.

This idea that men aren't affected by abuse is dangerous.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sorry you're having such a bad week.

Personally I would rather give into a power struggle like that than deal with the potential negative ramifications of hitting my kid (all the research out there doesn't seem to support hitting). You could always telll the teacher he intentionally missed the test and let the teacher deal with the consequences.

Anyway, this is just one small event, I would try not to stress about it too much.

so you would give in to him missing school to not get into a fight? welcome to the generation of snowflakes, how is that working out for you?

PARENT YOUR CHILDREN

+1 A child that young doesn't have the perspective to realize this kind of behavior is a big deal. That's the job of the parent.

What research shows that it's better to give in to power struggles with your kid? You don't think this leads to negative ramifications down the road?

maybe you all should read what that poster said. If you're at an emotional point where your choice is to give in to a power struggle or smack your kid, she is saying she would choose giving into the power struggle.

Not that you would always given to the power struggle. You know, you don't have to be 100% consistent all the time, especially if it's going to lead you to being violent and angry.

on occasion, you have to just step back from the situation and handle your own emotions before things go sideways.


Also, you have no idea how dated and simple you sound using the played out word snowflakes. Give it up

So your solution is to walk away and let the kid miss school. How does that play out when the kid hits the teen years and *really* doesn't want to go to school? I love my kids too much to let them think they can miss school just because they don't feel like it.

I *really* don't care how dated I sound. I don't parent by what's currently in fashion. IMO, that's how we ended up with so many snowflakes.

You're STILL NOT LISTENING. No. My solution would to have been not to let it escalate to that point.

But I wasn't in that situation. It's okay to recalibrate and "give in" on occasion if you need to stop and reassess your methods and emotional health.

One instance of giving in isn't going to lead to your tired " snowflake syndrome."

If people aren't perfect in every instance, others like you come out with the " parent your kid" canard, as if that isn't what that poster was saying she would do.

Make soon room for nuance, yeah?

[Anonymous]

I have hit my kids at least a few times in their lives. I am a very devoted and loving mom, but I am also very strict for certain things.

I did not slap them until they were at least in middle school and they made decisions that were not the smartest. My kids have a lot of leeway in a lot of things and they are pampered and loved at home. They have been taught right from wrong, and if they have ever been slapped, it's been absolutely deserved and tactical.

Most of the spanking that happens in households is because of failure of good parenting and neglect of children. How do you distinguish from when a smack is warranted and when it is not?

My DH has never hit the kids and it will be horrible if he does that ever. Why? Mainly because that spanking will come from him being exasperated at something rather than parenting effectively and consistently.

[Anonymous]

My kids are older, but I dealt with my kids not being ready for the bus once or twice.

I let them miss the bus. I drove them to school, but there were ramifications for doing so. Chores. No TV, and no tech. Since you have multiple children, make it one day for each other kid you had to load into the car. So, at least 48 hours. Follow through on it.

I know OP's middle kid is sick, but sometimes we have to suck it up and do things as a teachable moment. My kids never missed the bus again.

[Anonymous]

^^ PS: if you're kid doesn't watch TV or have tech, then take away something else they highly value. They play outside after school? Nope. Not today, or tomorrow. That's the deal if he misses the bus. You have to play hardball.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have hit my kids at least a few times in their lives. I am a very devoted and loving mom, but I am also very strict for certain things.

I did not slap them until they were at least in middle school and they made decisions that were not the smartest. My kids have a lot of leeway in a lot of things and they are pampered and loved at home. They have been taught right from wrong, and if they have ever been slapped, it's been absolutely deserved and tactical.

Most of the spanking that happens in households is because of failure of good parenting and neglect of children. How do you distinguish from when a smack is warranted and when it is not?

My DH has never hit the kids and it will be horrible if he does that ever. Why? Mainly because that spanking will come from him being exasperated at something rather than parenting effectively and consistently.

tactical?

Out of curiosity, and in all seriousness, when you hear about spousal abuse, do you think “they must have had it coming to them?”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have hit my kids at least a few times in their lives. I am a very devoted and loving mom, but I am also very strict for certain things.

I did not slap them until they were at least in middle school and they made decisions that were not the smartest. My kids have a lot of leeway in a lot of things and they are pampered and loved at home. They have been taught right from wrong, and if they have ever been slapped, it's been absolutely deserved and tactical.

Most of the spanking that happens in households is because of failure of good parenting and neglect of children. How do you distinguish from when a smack is warranted and when it is not?

My DH has never hit the kids and it will be horrible if he does that ever. Why? Mainly because that spanking will come from him being exasperated at something rather than parenting effectively and consistently.

tactical?

Out of curiosity, and in all seriousness, when you hear about spousal abuse, do you think “they must have had it coming to them?”

DP.. give it a rest. This argument is stupid. Your relationship with your spouse is not the same as you relationship with your child. You are not responsible for the behavior of our spouse; you are not expected to discipline and parent your spouse.

Such a dumb argument.