I smacked my kid this morning

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sorry you're having such a bad week.

Personally I would rather give into a power struggle like that than deal with the potential negative ramifications of hitting my kid (all the research out there doesn't seem to support hitting). You could always telll the teacher he intentionally missed the test and let the teacher deal with the consequences.

Anyway, this is just one small event, I would try not to stress about it too much.

so you would give in to him missing school to not get into a fight? welcome to the generation of snowflakes, how is that working out for you?

PARENT YOUR CHILDREN

+1 A child that young doesn't have the perspective to realize this kind of behavior is a big deal. That's the job of the parent.

What research shows that it's better to give in to power struggles with your kid? You don't think this leads to negative ramifications down the road?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sorry you're having such a bad week.

Personally I would rather give into a power struggle like that than deal with the potential negative ramifications of hitting my kid (all the research out there doesn't seem to support hitting). You could always telll the teacher he intentionally missed the test and let the teacher deal with the consequences.

Anyway, this is just one small event, I would try not to stress about it too much.

so you would give in to him missing school to not get into a fight? welcome to the generation of snowflakes, how is that working out for you?

PARENT YOUR CHILDREN

+1 A child that young doesn't have the perspective to realize this kind of behavior is a big deal. That's the job of the parent.

What research shows that it's better to give in to power struggles with your kid? You don't think this leads to negative ramifications down the road?

maybe you all should read what that poster said. If you're at an emotional point where your choice is to give in to a power struggle or smack your kid, she is saying she would choose giving into the power struggle.

Not that you would always given to the power struggle. You know, you don't have to be 100% consistent all the time, especially if it's going to lead you to being violent and angry.

on occasion, you have to just step back from the situation and handle your own emotions before things go sideways.


Also, you have no idea how dated and simple you sound using the played out word snowflakes. Give it up

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You need to develop better parenting tools. What is your plan for if this happens in the future? Why is he afraid to fail a test? What will you do to him then?

You said "I had to smack him." You need to take a good hard look at yourself. People here tend to encourage parents to forgive themselves and let it go, etc. No. What you did is abusive.

eh.. we all make parenting mistakes. I'm sure the kid is no worse for wear. Did OP smack the kid on the face, on the behind, upside the head? Those are all different, imo, and I actually did experience some abuse as a kid. I can tell the difference between actual abuse and a smack on the backside.

I have never made a parenting mistake that ended in my getting physical with my kid. And she's 16 so I think if it were going to happen, it would have already. I was also abused as a kid, which is a big part of why I swore I would never hit my child. I have dug my nails into my palms, I've screamed, but I refuse to physically intimidate or hurt my kid.

BTW, the child psychologists who say "Well if you MUST spank, I guess it's KIND of okay..." always say it should NOT be done out of anger. The point is to discipline. The latin root of "discipline" is pupil, or more broadly, to teach. The point of discipline of any kind, should be to teach. What OP's son was taught this morning is that his mom lost control and lashed out physically at him. Let's not sugar coat abuse.

screaming at a child can be worse than a smack on the backside. Did the child pscyh not tell you that?

For all you know, this is the one and only time OP has ever smacked her kid. No child psychologist will tell you that this will have a negative impact on the kid.

But now the kid knows never to miss the bus.

I agree there are a whole lot of ways to abuse a kid besides spanking.

With my ds, who was later diagnosed and had serious tantrums and time out really did not work, for awhile we did a blanket wrap that I had once been trained in while working with developmentally disabled people. We hated it, he hated it, we finally asked if he would prefer a spanking or the blanket wrap, and he chose the spanking. The wrap did NOT cover his head or face and was NOT tight enough to restrict breathing (only flailing) but it was very, very upsetting to him.

Honestly, I don't know how we survived those years, except I eventually learned that the best response to his meltdowns was to get up, walk out the door, and he would follow (his rages also included a lot of anxiety so he did NOT want to be left alone). Luckily there were no other kids involved.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A lot of holier than thou parents here.

I'm not holier than thou. But I grew up with a father with an anger management problem and a mother who lied about hitting us. And I swore I would better manage my anger and never hit my kid. And I've kept that promise to myself. Have I gotten furious? Yes. Did I scream so loudly at her when she ran into a busy parking lot that my throat hurt for 24 hours? Yes. But I did not hit her. That crosses a line.

I would cry if any man old enough to be my father got angry at me, until my early 30's. Because of my father's rage issue.

Op here. I am sorry about your father. My dad is actually really nice and kind. My dad never yelled at me. In fact, my mom used to yell at my dad to yell at us. DH is also kind and patient.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sorry you're having such a bad week.

Personally I would rather give into a power struggle like that than deal with the potential negative ramifications of hitting my kid (all the research out there doesn't seem to support hitting). You could always telll the teacher he intentionally missed the test and let the teacher deal with the consequences.

Anyway, this is just one small event, I would try not to stress about it too much.

so you would give in to him missing school to not get into a fight? welcome to the generation of snowflakes, how is that working out for you?

PARENT YOUR CHILDREN

+1 A child that young doesn't have the perspective to realize this kind of behavior is a big deal. That's the job of the parent.

What research shows that it's better to give in to power struggles with your kid? You don't think this leads to negative ramifications down the road?

maybe you all should read what that poster said. If you're at an emotional point where your choice is to give in to a power struggle or smack your kid, she is saying she would choose giving into the power struggle.

Not that you would always given to the power struggle. You know, you don't have to be 100% consistent all the time, especially if it's going to lead you to being violent and angry.

on occasion, you have to just step back from the situation and handle your own emotions before things go sideways.


Also, you have no idea how dated and simple you sound using the played out word snowflakes. Give it up

So your solution is to walk away and let the kid miss school. How does that play out when the kid hits the teen years and *really* doesn't want to go to school? I love my kids too much to let them think they can miss school just because they don't feel like it.

I *really* don't care how dated I sound. I don't parent by what's currently in fashion. IMO, that's how we ended up with so many snowflakes.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A lot of holier than thou parents here.

+1

No, I am usually of the no big deal kind. But, she is clearly stressed about the other two, didn't pay attention to her older, and then she hit him, after allowing him to read and stay up late. He has to manage his time better...he is ten, maybe he can, maybe he can't. Impression is that OP is putting too much pressure on the oldest child who is generally a good kid. This is so typical, good kid has to manage his time, do everything right, never gets a pass, and I bet you OP is more strict on him. Older kids know and recognize this parental behavior. OP should apologize and explain that she was also wrong about letting him stay up. Just because other two are pains doesn't mean she bullies the oldest child and doesn't parent him.
OP, I say this honestly, there is no regret in your posts, that is the most troubling part. Even parents that smack a kid who deserve it(which I am not sure what that is...) feel remorse, you don't seem to. Why is that?

What in the world makes you think OP doesn't feel remorse? I get the sense that she does, hence she posted here. Why would she post on here if she didn't feel badly for what happened?

Where is the remorse?? All I am getting is, he lied, he wasn't on time, he didn't prepare, my other two are sick or pains, he is normally a good kid... Did she say maybe he is acting up because I had no time for him due to other two being difficult? She screamed and yelled and hit, come on. Plenty of us had a grabby, obnoxious kid and might have smacked their hand especially in the car if it was dangerous... but I know when I did that a couple of times, in the spur of the moment, inside I was dying and feeling as the worst parent ever. I made sure to keep an eye on losing my temper, I am the parent, not ok for a parent to scream, yell and hit. Let's hear from OP. Do you feel bad for yelling and screaming and hitting your kid? If she does, I will apologize to her.

Of course I feel remorse. That’s why I posted. I was hoping for some empathy. Been there. Done that. My kids have missed the bus. Let him do poorly on a test. We all have bad days. I should have known better.

In that case I am sorry.
Yes, let him to poorly on a test, but try not to hit your kid. He is ten, and a good kid, per your post. Hitting is almost always parent taking their own frustration on the kid. I suspect that is what happened with you. We are all for been there, done that. I was that good older child, that is why I reacted strongly to your post. There was no middle ground for me, as I think is the case with most older good kids. I think if you take a step back and look at it, you will see that your expectations of your 10 year old are too much. Maybe because you are busy with the other two right now? I remember once I failed a test and was scared of mom, so to make sure she knew I kind of yelled from the porch as she was coming home, "mom, I got a bad grade." She walked in and beat me, didn't ask any questions. I love my mom, and would never cut her off, times were different so I understand. But, here I am approaching 50 and still remember that day vividly. I was an A student almost all the time. It was a sudden test that nobody prepared for and teacher asked me as I was the "nerdy" kid thinking I knew it ahead of time. I am just saying, you were angry, don't do it again. I was maybe 12, 13 at the time this happened, kids remember.
So, move on and try, that is all we can do, try better. Try to stop yelling, and screaming and hitting. Mom doesn't remember any of this anymore, she claims I am lying if I bring it up. So, I don't, but I remember and all the other occasions. Sure, slap is different than a beating. You can bet the whole class knows you smacked him today. So here it goes, I am sorry I was harsh on you in my posts, I will try to do better and be more understanding towards your reasons and give you a benefit of the doubt, even if you are just a stranger op on dcum. I hope you do the same for your son.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You need to develop better parenting tools. What is your plan for if this happens in the future? Why is he afraid to fail a test? What will you do to him then?

You said "I had to smack him." You need to take a good hard look at yourself. People here tend to encourage parents to forgive themselves and let it go, etc. No. What you did is abusive.

eh.. we all make parenting mistakes. I'm sure the kid is no worse for wear. Did OP smack the kid on the face, on the behind, upside the head? Those are all different, imo, and I actually did experience some abuse as a kid. I can tell the difference between actual abuse and a smack on the backside.

I have never made a parenting mistake that ended in my getting physical with my kid. And she's 16 so I think if it were going to happen, it would have already. I was also abused as a kid, which is a big part of why I swore I would never hit my child. I have dug my nails into my palms, I've screamed, but I refuse to physically intimidate or hurt my kid.

BTW, the child psychologists who say "Well if you MUST spank, I guess it's KIND of okay..." always say it should NOT be done out of anger. The point is to discipline. The latin root of "discipline" is pupil, or more broadly, to teach. The point of discipline of any kind, should be to teach. What OP's son was taught this morning is that his mom lost control and lashed out physically at him. Let's not sugar coat abuse.

screaming at a child can be worse than a smack on the backside. Did the child pscyh not tell you that?

For all you know, this is the one and only time OP has ever smacked her kid. No child psychologist will tell you that this will have a negative impact on the kid.

But now the kid knows never to miss the bus.

I agree. That child knows to not miss the bus anymore. I don't agree with anyone who says this is abuse. It was parenting and you strayed from where you have seemed to draw the line in the past.

[Anonymous]

Did you hit him in the face?

[Anonymous]

10 is too old to be hitting them. Sure you can do it, and sure it may change their behavior in the short term (which may be all some people are concerned with), but at that age it's best to find other ways to communicate with them. Because hitting your child was definitely a communication with them, but maybe he didn't understand the exact message you wanted to send. I know it's not easy as I have anger issues to deal with.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You need to develop better parenting tools. What is your plan for if this happens in the future? Why is he afraid to fail a test? What will you do to him then?

You said "I had to smack him." You need to take a good hard look at yourself. People here tend to encourage parents to forgive themselves and let it go, etc. No. What you did is abusive.

eh.. we all make parenting mistakes. I'm sure the kid is no worse for wear. Did OP smack the kid on the face, on the behind, upside the head? Those are all different, imo, and I actually did experience some abuse as a kid. I can tell the difference between actual abuse and a smack on the backside.

I have never made a parenting mistake that ended in my getting physical with my kid. And she's 16 so I think if it were going to happen, it would have already. I was also abused as a kid, which is a big part of why I swore I would never hit my child. I have dug my nails into my palms, I've screamed, but I refuse to physically intimidate or hurt my kid.

BTW, the child psychologists who say "Well if you MUST spank, I guess it's KIND of okay..." always say it should NOT be done out of anger. The point is to discipline. The latin root of "discipline" is pupil, or more broadly, to teach. The point of discipline of any kind, should be to teach. What OP's son was taught this morning is that his mom lost control and lashed out physically at him. Let's not sugar coat abuse.

screaming at a child can be worse than a smack on the backside. Did the child pscyh not tell you that?

For all you know, this is the one and only time OP has ever smacked her kid. No child psychologist will tell you that this will have a negative impact on the kid.

But now the kid knows never to miss the bus.

I agree. That child knows to not miss the bus anymore. I don't agree with anyone who says this is abuse. It was parenting and you strayed from where you have seemed to draw the line in the past.

NP here. I disagree on what you think the child likely took away from this experience. My mom smacked me once when I was 12. Admittedly I was being bratty, but in an annoying petty way, not in any way that threatened my safety or education (we were having a fight over the car radio station, and when she insisted on her station, I started singing my own song really loudly to drown it out, she stopped the car and smacked me). While the smack stopped the behavior in the moment - because I was so stunned that it happened - I certainly continued to be bratty at times throughout my teenage years. My main take away from it was a feeling of complete violation. I could not trust my mom to be level-headed when I had big feelings, so I stopped sharing big feelings with her. And while I understand now that she was probably just incredibly annoyed and frustrated (I'm a mom now too, so I get it), that feeling still persisted/persists and my mom and I are not emotionally close whatsoever.

So, OP, tread lightly here. You could be setting yourself up for damaging your relationship with your child.

[Anonymous]

Op here. Kids came home. DS and I had a gear to heart. He apologized before I did and then I also apologized. He is singing and playing around the house. I don’t think this has scarred him for life.

And he said his test was easy.

[Anonymous]

*heart to heart

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op here. Kids came home. DS and I had a gear to heart. He apologized before I did and then I also apologized. He is singing and playing around the house. I don’t think this has scarred him for life.

And he said his test was easy.

Great it worked out OP, and no, that one incident wouldn't scared him for life. Some people really need some perspective, or therapy.

[Anonymous]

A little snack is fine. I do it on occasion and my kids are great.

[Anonymous]

So is smacking a euphemism for hitting? If so, OP, think about why you chose to use that word. It seems like you don’t want to admit to “hitting” because that carries very serious, negative connotations. But that’s what you did.

Also, you say you “had to” smack him. Would you have had to smack him if he were bigger than you and could defend himself? If not, why not?