13/14yos girls and bare midriffs

[Anonymous]

Baby tee & jeans is ok. Tube top and bike shorts is a 'no'.

[Anonymous]

HITs
Hookers In Training

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Baby tee & jeans is ok. Tube top and bike shorts is a 'no'.

I think this. I have told my daughter if she goes tight on top, go baggy on bottom and vice versa. She doesn't listen to me. I don't push it. I remember how strongly I felt about the way I dressed at her age. As long as she can handle the comments and looks, then fine.

A little belly button never hurt anybody.

[Anonymous]

I would not care what my daughter wears within reason but, my middle schooler is a Granny. She will freak out if anything shows but will wear a little bikini in the summer.

[Anonymous]

We went through this and I got used to it. The much harder stage is when they start to wear more low cut things. We fight a lot about this. Crop tops no longer bother me. Think back to your own teen years. Karmas a bitch!

[Anonymous]

I don't understand why there's an issue. Is she not allowed to wear a bikini, too? I remember dressing like this at 13, and so did all of my friends. If you don't like it or it's against school policy, shut it down.

[Anonymous]

Unless you want grown men checking her out you better control it. Yes, seriously.

[Anonymous]

On a similar theme, I have noticed that the girls private schools with uniforms are allowing the girls to wear the skirts so short that you can even see the underwear. It shocked me when I realized this was happening because I graduated from one of those schools back in the 1990s and there is absolutely no way we would have been allowed to get away with such short skirts. It was daring enough to have the skirts stop an inch or two above the knees. It does make me wonder what the point of uniforms now is if they're going around with practically nothing but undies these days.

I am not a prude at all, but in some areas we've gone too far in allowing young girls dress so immodestly, and this includes bare midriffs. It just encourages them to define themselves as sexual objects rather than human beings.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My DD is now almost 16. We had this issue in MS (and still do to an extent). My approach was to talk to her about why she wants to dress this way and then talk about the pros/cons. For instance, if she likes her body and wants to show it off , that's not awful. Just be clear about why she's showing it off. If she's doing it because everyone else dresses that way, she should think more deeply about it. Does she want attention from boys? Nothing wrong with that, but is this the way she wants to catch their attention. Engage her in these discussions and LISTEN to what she has to say. My DD now dresses mostly in sweatshirts, but very rarely she'll put something on more revealing. I definitely feel like her need to show off her blossoming body was greater in 7-8 grade than it now is in 10th.

I tried not to weigh in too much but I did set some limits. I used humor whenever possible (if you think shorts that show your but cheeks look good, how about I get my own pair to wear to your next soccer game). If she was going somewhere outside of MS crowd (i.e. downtown Bethesda), I was more likely to warn her that she looked 21 and might attract unwanted attention from creepy old men. That prompted her to change on at least one occasion. She was cat-called while with me once by a disgusting much older man, so that was a teachable moment as well. My advice is to establish this dialogue without "slut shaming." Your DH's perspective can be part of that, but I'd advice him to stick to explaining his perspective as a former teen boy and college guy that might not have been able to distinguish between a 14 year old and 19 year old. Stay away from the idea that clothing choice really tells you anything about the girl/woman. Of course you can talk about judging a book by its cover, making incorrect assumptions based on appearance etc.

This goes along the same lines of my daughter wanting to post a picture on IG in a bikini (she's in high school though, not middle school).

I didn't outright tell her she couldn't do it, but I explained to her the perceptions around what she posts and said something along the lines of...

I told her that a picture that's cute of her & her friends jumping in the pool or being goofy or fun is fine & says I'm carefree, fun loving & don't take myself too seriously.

However, the posey-posey, lips pursed "duck style" together, elongated side profile of her body, etc says more along the lines of "I'm insecure, posting this picture is definitely attention seeking behavior & my self worth is completely wrapped up in how many "likes" and positive affirmations I get to make me feel good about myself".

Fast forward... she's never posted another sexy shot again (just for the fact that she would be horrified at the thought that it might make her look like a "try hard").

Are you sure she doesn't have a "Finsta" account?

Lol, she doesn't... although, she told me a girl from school has one & the girl is known as a slut for having it (I hate girls calling each other that).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I pretty much wore two stickers and bandaid in my teens. But, I did have to follow the dress code at school, which was no belly showing. If your school doesn't have a similar dress code, lobby for it.

But many high school girls (or other groups) argue that dress codes or requirements that are anti-girl or otherwise unfair. We see this happening at our private school, all in the name of "feminism" or "girl empowerment"

If the dress code is equal for all genders, not sure how it can be anti-girl. I think the larger question is why girls identify themselves with showing skin.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Unfortunately my 11-year-old loves those tops, as so does her group of friends. And those stops are everywhere. I told her she could wear them as long as she wears a long shirt underneath. So she’ll wear a crop top with a long camisole underneath that is stuck into her jeans or shorts. She’s fine doing that, but one of her friends is allowed to show her belly. The rest of the girls wear the shirt inside like my daughter.

To school?