13/14yos girls and bare midriffs

[Anonymous]

I am pretty laid back about what they wear, but I would not allow this.

[Anonymous]

I grew up in the 80s/90s and we all wore these. Not to school (my school had uniform) but outside school. These are not the worst things, in my opinion - I'd rather they show their stomachs than bottoms or cleavage

[Anonymous]

The mom shorts they are wearing come up over their belly button. I think a couple inches of upper torso is kind of harmless. As long as no bums are sticking out as well or chest

[Anonymous]

No.

[Anonymous]

You seriously won't allow this?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You seriously won't allow this?

PLEASE, that is NOT what the girls are wearing. That is super cute. That is appropriate. That s not hat girls around here are wearing. Do you ever look at your kids' instagram? Or actually look at the girls in downtown Bethesda? The tops the girls are wearing are much shorter and much tighter. The tops tend to be very tight knits and have low necklines, are often just camisoles or tube tops. They look nothing like the on-line Brandy Melville models. These young girls are going for super sexy, revealing looks. Its way too sexy for high school, much less middle school girls. I have high school aged DDs and DSs. I can tell you that DS says the girls who dress like that are the same ones who hook up at parties. Don't fool yourself.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My DD is now almost 16. We had this issue in MS (and still do to an extent). My approach was to talk to her about why she wants to dress this way and then talk about the pros/cons. For instance, if she likes her body and wants to show it off , that's not awful. Just be clear about why she's showing it off. If she's doing it because everyone else dresses that way, she should think more deeply about it. Does she want attention from boys? Nothing wrong with that, but is this the way she wants to catch their attention. Engage her in these discussions and LISTEN to what she has to say. My DD now dresses mostly in sweatshirts, but very rarely she'll put something on more revealing. I definitely feel like her need to show off her blossoming body was greater in 7-8 grade than it now is in 10th.

I tried not to weigh in too much but I did set some limits. I used humor whenever possible (if you think shorts that show your but cheeks look good, how about I get my own pair to wear to your next soccer game). If she was going somewhere outside of MS crowd (i.e. downtown Bethesda), I was more likely to warn her that she looked 21 and might attract unwanted attention from creepy old men. That prompted her to change on at least one occasion. She was cat-called while with me once by a disgusting much older man, so that was a teachable moment as well. My advice is to establish this dialogue without "slut shaming." Your DH's perspective can be part of that, but I'd advice him to stick to explaining his perspective as a former teen boy and college guy that might not have been able to distinguish between a 14 year old and 19 year old. Stay away from the idea that clothing choice really tells you anything about the girl/woman. Of course you can talk about judging a book by its cover, making incorrect assumptions based on appearance etc.

This goes along the same lines of my daughter wanting to post a picture on IG in a bikini (she's in high school though, not middle school).

I didn't outright tell her she couldn't do it, but I explained to her the perceptions around what she posts and said something along the lines of...

I told her that a picture that's cute of her & her friends jumping in the pool or being goofy or fun is fine & says I'm carefree, fun loving & don't take myself too seriously.

However, the posey-posey, lips pursed "duck style" together, elongated side profile of her body, etc says more along the lines of "I'm insecure, posting this picture is definitely attention seeking behavior & my self worth is completely wrapped up in how many "likes" and positive affirmations I get to make me feel good about myself".

Fast forward... she's never posted another sexy shot again (just for the fact that she would be horrified at the thought that it might make her look like a "try hard").

Are you sure she doesn't have a "Finsta" account?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We did this in the 80s

It's not a big deal.

It's a belly.

I don't like shorts that don't cover the cheeks though even though they are just checks and they show at swim practice.

To each his own.

I don't get the uncovered-stomach panic either.

[Anonymous]

I pretty much wore two stickers and bandaid in my teens. But, I did have to follow the dress code at school, which was no belly showing. If your school doesn't have a similar dress code, lobby for it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I grew up in the 80s/90s and we all wore these. Not to school (my school had uniform) but outside school. These are not the worst things, in my opinion - I'd rather they show their stomachs than bottoms or cleavage

+1. The late 90s were all about the baby tees. Surprisingly my parents we pretty cool about it probably because, as with PP here, at school I was in a uniform anyway.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You seriously won't allow this?

PLEASE, that is NOT what the girls are wearing. That is super cute. That is appropriate. That s not hat girls around here are wearing. Do you ever look at your kids' instagram? Or actually look at the girls in downtown Bethesda? The tops the girls are wearing are much shorter and much tighter. The tops tend to be very tight knits and have low necklines, are often just camisoles or tube tops. They look nothing like the on-line Brandy Melville models. These young girls are going for super sexy, revealing looks. Its way too sexy for high school, much less middle school girls. I have high school aged DDs and DSs. I can tell you that DS says the girls who dress like that are the same ones who hook up at parties. Don't fool yourself.

I don't really see what you are seeing. Yes I see instagram account but many are in bikinis so it's hard to say, wow that shirt is too short.

I think all the handwringing is all for naught.

That being said I would allow some midriff and some not done depending on the situation, can't think of a midriff to short for over a bikini.

If U r too strict they will just lie to you and change at a friends.

[Anonymous]

Those photos are nothing like I've been seeing.

The crop tops these 14-year old girls are wearing---are snug tight, cut low and much shorter. It screams Lolita, I'm easy. As a parent, there is no way I'd let my daughter dress like that. You are inviting predators and those that will mistake her for an older age.

I find you get a lot of moms living vicariously through their daughters that promote them dressing this way. I'm all for Catholic uniforms

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I pretty much wore two stickers and bandaid in my teens. But, I did have to follow the dress code at school, which was no belly showing. If your school doesn't have a similar dress code, lobby for it.

But many high school girls (or other groups) argue that dress codes or requirements that are anti-girl or otherwise unfair. We see this happening at our private school, all in the name of "feminism" or "girl empowerment"

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I grew up in the 80s/90s and we all wore these. Not to school (my school had uniform) but outside school. These are not the worst things, in my opinion - I'd rather they show their stomachs than bottoms or cleavage

+1. The late 90s were all about the baby tees. Surprisingly my parents we pretty cool about it probably because, as with PP here, at school I was in a uniform anyway.

https://www.thecut.com/2015/04/i-was-a-tweenage-baby-tee-fiend.html

[Anonymous]

The MS and HS mine attend have the rule of no bare midriffs. They can't even wear a cardigan, flannel, or jacket over a midriff showing shirt. If they are caught, they either have to put on their PE shirt, a shirt from the Lost & Found, or one from a friend.