Dead bedroom: DH never initiates, but is always receptive.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
I’ve gained (maybe) 20 lbs with this pregnancy and am 8 weeks away from delivering. But obviously I’m round right now so intimacy has been difficult to find comfortable positions. Acid reflux and morning sickness didn’t help at all. I actually had to stop him once or twice.

I’m hoping things will pick up after I deliver, have healed, and lost some of the baby weight.

Uhhh if you've been uncomfortable and having trouble with sickness etc, that's why your husband isn't initiating. He doesn't want to press you if you're not feeling good so he figures you'll let him know what you're up for. Is this not obvious to you?

[Anonymous]

You’re super pregnant. Some guys aren’t into that. My DH wasn’t super aroused by my giant belly.

After I had the baby, got my body back, and we got consistent sleep, things were better than ever. It took a solid year.

[Anonymous]

Married almost 20 years here and I still insist on both of us showering and brushing teeth before sex. Unpleasant smell is a big turnoff.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, here's a life tip: You're not 24 anymore. Just wait until you have kids and you'll think your current situation is great.

Haha I was thinking the same thing

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sounds like low testosterone

He doesn't have any issues with ED. I feel like he's young to have issues with testosterone at 35.[/quotthoae are different things. Definitely get his T tested. My husband was in the range but at the very bottom. He started on the cream and it makes a huge difference.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m sorry OP i am in a similar boat - met my DH about 6 years ago and now we are married and the previous exotic / long sex has turned into “I’m too tired” from him and me having to initiate and sometimes getting rejected. My heart broke on Valentine’s Day when after a nice date that I had to arrange my DH rejected me for sex.... he stayed up watching movies on his smartphone instead.

It is hard to be a woman with a higher sex drive - I am craving intimacy and would love to have sex once a week or even every day but it is once a month for me now —- I am pretty sure my DH who is 10 years older than me enjoys masturbating instead of having sexual with me and that sucks!!

Hang in there. I have no advice but can commiserate.

I'm so sorry. Sounds like your DH is getting off on porn. Talk to him; maybe marriage counseling can help.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sounds like low testosterone

He doesn't have any issues with ED. I feel like he's young to have issues with testosterone at 35.

I had low T in my 20s.

[Anonymous]

Have you tried doing more chores around the house? Woo him, make him feel special, listen about his day. And don’t pressure him for sex, just wait until he’s interested.

[Anonymous]

How is sex 1-3x a week a “dead bedroom”?

[Anonymous]

he could be generally depressed. Is this his first child? Some men go through serious emotional transitions as it begins to hit them that they will be a father.

What were his childhood experiences like? Is he putting himself through psych changes?

[Anonymous]

I don’t understand what the problem is. You are still having sex 1-3 times per week. I initiate sex most of the time with my husband. I think he prefers to wait for me to initiate because he knows it will be better if I’m already interested. It made me mad a little but then I thought about it and realized how many times he initiates and I say no or take a long time to get into it. So I think he knows that if he just waits a day or two I’ll end up initiating anyway. However, I will say, when I initiate, he never refuses and never has trouble getting aroused, and it sounds like your husband does? But I don’t know, all your requirements for cleanliness etc make me think maybe your husband is just like I’ll wait until she’s ready rather than getting shut down bc the circumstances aren’t up to her standards.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:PP complaining about long foreplay, I feel bad for you and your wife. That’s the good stuff for both of you!

If it goes both ways, sure. But, if you have a wife who just wants to be the recipient and doesn't devote any real attention to you, the foreplay can get a little laborious.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Have you tried doing more chores around the house? Woo him, make him feel special, listen about his day. And don’t pressure him for sex, just wait until he’s interested.

I see what you did there.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don’t understand what the problem is. You are still having sex 1-3 times per week. I initiate sex most of the time with my husband. I think he prefers to wait for me to initiate because he knows it will be better if I’m already interested. It made me mad a little but then I thought about it and realized how many times he initiates and I say no or take a long time to get into it. So I think he knows that if he just waits a day or two I’ll end up initiating anyway. However, I will say, when I initiate, he never refuses and never has trouble getting aroused, and it sounds like your husband does? But I don’t know, all your requirements for cleanliness etc make me think maybe your husband is just like I’ll wait until she’s ready rather than getting shut down bc the circumstances aren’t up to her standards.

This is basically my marriage. If I initiate, it's at best 25% chance but if I wait for DW to indicate she is willing it will happen. Funny thing is DW will still comment time to time how I should initiate more but it either leads to rejection or starfish sex she doesn't want to have. I just assume women want to be wanted without wanting the actual sex. I don't think this is OPs scenario because she seems to want it more than she is getting it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m sorry OP i am in a similar boat - met my DH about 6 years ago and now we are married and the previous exotic / long sex has turned into “I’m too tired” from him and me having to initiate and sometimes getting rejected. My heart broke on Valentine’s Day when after a nice date that I had to arrange my DH rejected me for sex.... he stayed up watching movies on his smartphone instead.

It is hard to be a woman with a higher sex drive - I am craving intimacy and would love to have sex once a week or even every day but it is once a month for me now —- I am pretty sure my DH who is 10 years older than me enjoys masturbating instead of having sexual with me and that sucks!!

Hang in there. I have no advice but can commiserate.

I think a lot of women make men jump through a lot of hoops(long foreplay, only do it a certain way, only touch me this way, this is the only way I like, take a shower/brush your teeth, everything has to be prefect, etc) to have sex. It works for a little while but in the long run people lose interest.

This is false. NP who adores quickies. There’s a time for the above situation but sometimes a girl’s just gotta get it.