Dead bedroom: DH never initiates, but is always receptive.

[Anonymous]

I've mentioned this to my DH multiple times.

He *rarely* initiates intimacy with me. I honestly can't remember the last time. We are intimate 1-3x/week and for a very long time all I can remember is me initiating it. We've had this long-standing tradition of going on Sunday dates resulting in him "receiving", and I enjoy it but I seriously wish he would put forth more effort now and then.

If I don't initiate it, he might initiate once per week but even then it's a little lackluster effort. For the record I am pregnant but nothing has changed in regards to my desire or ability to be intimate.

When I talk to him about it he says for the most part he's tired, which is true. He gets up at 4AM and sometimes will fall asleep on the couch at 7PM. I'm a little concerned in general about his energy levels because we have a baby on the way. We made a goal to try it in the mornings, which really did not work between bad breath (not sure how people do this). HIS complaint is that I always need to be clean, which is true, I generally prefer to have showered recently. He has also brushed it off saying he has "low T."

For the record I don't suspect an affair, there's no suspicious absences or lateness, changes in behavior.

We started dating when I was 24 and he was 30. We had earth-shattering, multiple rounds, stay up all night type of intimacy. 5 years later it's not at all how it used to be when we first started dating.

Is this common in marriages?

[Anonymous]

Sounds like low testosterone

[Anonymous]

OP, here's a life tip: You're not 24 anymore. Just wait until you have kids and you'll think your current situation is great.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Sounds like low testosterone

No it doesn't. 1-3x per week seems normal. He probably doesn't initiate it because he knows she will. They're still having sex.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Sounds like low testosterone

He doesn't have any issues with ED. I feel like he's young to have issues with testosterone at 35.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, here's a life tip: You're not 24 anymore. Just wait until you have kids and you'll think your current situation is great.

I was thinking the same thing, she will be grateful with a DH who doesn't initiate.

But seriously, if she does retain a sex drive after kids come, this will be a problem. Sex and money are the two biggest issues in a marriage. She wants her husband to show that she is wanted and that won't happen as long as he is the much lower drive.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, here's a life tip: You're not 24 anymore. Just wait until you have kids and you'll think your current situation is great.

I was thinking the same thing, she will be grateful with a DH who doesn't initiate.

But seriously, if she does retain a sex drive after kids come, this will be a problem. Sex and money are the two biggest issues in a marriage. She wants her husband to show that she is wanted and that won't happen as long as he is the much lower drive.

Yes, this is the problem. I want to feel wanted.

Even if I don't feel into it if he initiates, I still ensure he is taken care of if it doesn't involve full on intimacy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sounds like low testosterone

He doesn't have any issues with ED. I feel like he's young to have issues with testosterone at 35.

ED and Low T are two separate conditions and not always related. Also, 35 is not too young to have low testosterone.

[Anonymous]

"5 years later it's not at all how it used to be when we first started dating.

Is this common in marriages?"

Short answer: YES

[Anonymous]

Maybe he doesn't like pregnancy sex but won't tell you.

[Anonymous]

Sounds like my marriage. Lots of fun sex at first, then years of me initiating, when I stopped doing that sex dried up. My H said he was tired too. He didn't tell me he had low T but I can tell you, he did.

Never got better. Marriage ended when kids were grown, last 5-10 years almost zero sex. He was content to not even date after the marriage ended. I found a guy who liked a lot of sex and initiated it often himself.

[Anonymous]

When a man is in position he is told to just deal with it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:When a man is in position he is told to just deal with it.

Gender issues aside, that sounds like a really apathetic way to deal with marital issues.

[Anonymous]

I’m sorry OP i am in a similar boat - met my DH about 6 years ago and now we are married and the previous exotic / long sex has turned into “I’m too tired” from him and me having to initiate and sometimes getting rejected. My heart broke on Valentine’s Day when after a nice date that I had to arrange my DH rejected me for sex.... he stayed up watching movies on his smartphone instead.

It is hard to be a woman with a higher sex drive - I am craving intimacy and would love to have sex once a week or even every day but it is once a month for me now —- I am pretty sure my DH who is 10 years older than me enjoys masturbating instead of having sexual with me and that sucks!!

Hang in there. I have no advice but can commiserate.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m sorry OP i am in a similar boat - met my DH about 6 years ago and now we are married and the previous exotic / long sex has turned into “I’m too tired” from him and me having to initiate and sometimes getting rejected. My heart broke on Valentine’s Day when after a nice date that I had to arrange my DH rejected me for sex.... he stayed up watching movies on his smartphone instead.

It is hard to be a woman with a higher sex drive - I am craving intimacy and would love to have sex once a week or even every day but it is once a month for me now —- I am pretty sure my DH who is 10 years older than me enjoys masturbating instead of having sexual with me and that sucks!!

Hang in there. I have no advice but can commiserate.

You need a younger man!