Is anyone’s DH proud and happy as provider with medium salary?

[Anonymous]

Why do you ask, OP?

[Anonymous]

My family!

DH makes low six figures working in a job he loves. I stayed home with our kids when they were little. He set his own schedule and we would often go on weekday outings and we had lunch as a family more often than not.

We were happy then. I think the difference is that this was a deliberate choice - there was always the option of going corporate and making twice as much money (those jobs are significantly less competitive and easier to get than my DHs job.)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My DH makes about half what he could be making because he wants to be home for dinner and to spend weekends with his kids. (Same for me, actually.) So yes, we are all happy and proud about that choice.

Same for us. DH makes 165 as a fed lawyer. Private practice offers would be twice that. But he has anxiety and it would sky rocket if he went back to private practice. Home at 5:35 every night!

[Anonymous]

cut his income from 500+ to around 250 to be home for dinner ever day. don't think he regrets it

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Can I just say the word "provider" gives me the heebie jeebies. It's infantilizing.

I totally agree.

Get over it—it’s a common term.

[Anonymous]

OP - Re: your original question: I think it's a budget question and, in some ways, a question of emotional health. It is not a HHI question.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:cut his income from 500+ to around 250 to be home for dinner ever day. don't think he regrets it

FFS. You made a ton of money for a while, and still make more than two GS14s. That is no sacrifice.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Can I just say the word "provider" gives me the heebie jeebies. It's infantilizing.

I totally agree.

Get over it—it’s a common term.

Not in my circles. I've only ever seen it on DCUM.

[Anonymous]

OP Here. I apologize for being so unclear in my OP. I was typing quickly on my phone and did not express myself clearly.

I was looking to hear stories about anyone who is part of a household where one and only one earner makes 150k or less.

I live in a much, much, much lower cost of living area and my DH makes 110k. I make 42k, but we will have a baby soon. We are just thinking carefully about our next steps.

I don't see myself permanently retiring (I like working despite my not-so-awesome income) but I would like to stay at home for a few years with children.

DH says he is ok with it (and our budget seems to allow for it), but at the same time part of me fears that it would be plain crazy to give up my income. I don't want my DH to say yes and then feel stressed out and resentful, hence the phrasing of my title.

I apologize again if I was confusing with my initial phrasing and lack of information.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP Here. I apologize for being so unclear in my OP. I was typing quickly on my phone and did not express myself clearly.

I was looking to hear stories about anyone who is part of a household where one and only one earner makes 150k or less.

I live in a much, much, much lower cost of living area and my DH makes 110k. I make 42k, but we will have a baby soon. We are just thinking carefully about our next steps.

I don't see myself permanently retiring (I like working despite my not-so-awesome income) but I would like to stay at home for a few years with children.

DH says he is ok with it (and our budget seems to allow for it), but at the same time part of me fears that it would be plain crazy to give up my income. I don't want my DH to say yes and then feel stressed out and resentful, hence the phrasing of my title.

I apologize again if I was confusing with my initial phrasing and lack of information.

Oh one more thing. Infant day care in my area is $800 per month, so even with my not high income we would still come out ahead if I continued to work.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Can I just say the word "provider" gives me the heebie jeebies. It's infantilizing.

I totally agree.

Get over it—it’s a common term.

Not in my circles. I've only ever seen it on DCUM.

What do you call it?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP - Re: your original question: I think it's a budget question and, in some ways, a question of emotional health. It is not a HHI question.

Clearly OP doesn't see it this way which is why this is in the Relationship forum vs. Money and Finance.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP Here. I apologize for being so unclear in my OP. I was typing quickly on my phone and did not express myself clearly.

I was looking to hear stories about anyone who is part of a household where one and only one earner makes 150k or less.

I live in a much, much, much lower cost of living area and my DH makes 110k. I make 42k, but we will have a baby soon. We are just thinking carefully about our next steps.

I don't see myself permanently retiring (I like working despite my not-so-awesome income) but I would like to stay at home for a few years with children.

DH says he is ok with it (and our budget seems to allow for it), but at the same time part of me fears that it would be plain crazy to give up my income. I don't want my DH to say yes and then feel stressed out and resentful, hence the phrasing of my title.

I apologize again if I was confusing with my initial phrasing and lack of information.

So, to be clear, you are concerned with how your DH will feel about the situation, not whether you’ll become dissatisfied that he isn’t earning more while you stay home?

If so, why don’t you just ask him and take his word?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP Here. I apologize for being so unclear in my OP. I was typing quickly on my phone and did not express myself clearly.

I was looking to hear stories about anyone who is part of a household where one and only one earner makes 150k or less.

I live in a much, much, much lower cost of living area and my DH makes 110k. I make 42k, but we will have a baby soon. We are just thinking carefully about our next steps.

I don't see myself permanently retiring (I like working despite my not-so-awesome income) but I would like to stay at home for a few years with children.

DH says he is ok with it (and our budget seems to allow for it), but at the same time part of me fears that it would be plain crazy to give up my income. I don't want my DH to say yes and then feel stressed out and resentful, hence the phrasing of my title.

I apologize again if I was confusing with my initial phrasing and lack of information.

So, to be clear, you are concerned with how your DH will feel about the situation, not whether you’ll become dissatisfied that he isn’t earning more while you stay home?

If so, why don’t you just ask him and take his word?

Yes, I am wondering how my DH will feel. I don't want him to really wish I was working and for that to hurt our marriage. He is a simple guy and doesn't need much or spend a lot of money though so you're that that a big part of the equation to his happiness might be if I complain about wishing we had more money. Lot's to think about. Our budget can certainly be accommodated by his salary but of course things like new clothes, vacations, etc. will not be as frequent. I can't lie and say I wouldn't like to have my cake and eat it too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP Here. I apologize for being so unclear in my OP. I was typing quickly on my phone and did not express myself clearly.

I was looking to hear stories about anyone who is part of a household where one and only one earner makes 150k or less.

I live in a much, much, much lower cost of living area and my DH makes 110k. I make 42k, but we will have a baby soon. We are just thinking carefully about our next steps.

I don't see myself permanently retiring (I like working despite my not-so-awesome income) but I would like to stay at home for a few years with children.

DH says he is ok with it (and our budget seems to allow for it), but at the same time part of me fears that it would be plain crazy to give up my income. I don't want my DH to say yes and then feel stressed out and resentful, hence the phrasing of my title.

I apologize again if I was confusing with my initial phrasing and lack of information.

So, to be clear, you are concerned with how your DH will feel about the situation, not whether you’ll become dissatisfied that he isn’t earning more while you stay home?

If so, why don’t you just ask him and take his word?

Yes, I am wondering how my DH will feel. I don't want him to really wish I was working and for that to hurt our marriage. He is a simple guy and doesn't need much or spend a lot of money though so you're that that a big part of the equation to his happiness might be if I complain about wishing we had more money. Lot's to think about. Our budget can certainly be accommodated by his salary but of course things like new clothes, vacations, etc. will not be as frequent. I can't lie and say I wouldn't like to have my cake and eat it too.

We were in an identical situation, though we do live in DC. I made $50,000 in a job I really enjoyed, DH made $100,000. I decided to stay home with each kid for 1.5 years before taking on part time work (I'm still doing part time as our youngest is almost 2. These have been very happy years, and no resentment from the husband. I do think we all got happier when I am doing the part time thing


Also, we have very low expenses -- our mortgage was covered by our renter (we bought before it was crazy), no monthly debt payments. That really really helped keep the pressure down.