Let's play a name game

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Sheila was a natural career, whip smart, nice to a fault. You broke up because you needed someone more complicated.

Nicole was a nervous mess, as likely to fawn over you as snap at you. Her family was even messier, so you decided to doge that bullet and not get in deeper.

Eddie.

Eddie was a pervert.


Jon

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Ryan was a small town boy who made good and arrived at your fancy east coast school to play football. He was sweet and funny with his thick neck and massive quads and you fell for him right away. But his addiction to porn made it hard to have a relationship with a real female, and you eventually stopped returning his calls and started dating a skinny musicology major.

Drew.

Drew was a cool, lead singer and guitar player in high school and college bands. Got too into drugs and alcohol, has been in and out of rehab and last you heard, was back in. Was hot and fun while it lasted though!

Forgot to add a name: Joe

Joe had an unfortunate problem with PE that ruined all his relationships.

Lynette.

Ruining the thread. I am in love with Steve.

Lynette grew up homeschooled in a religious cult and had a lot of hangups. She was mostly using you to rebel and you broke up when she called you a child of Satan.


Michelle.

Michelle never met a man she didn't like. Slept with your brother and all your friends when you guys were dating and some guy she met at the Justin Timberlake concert you surprised her with for her birthday.

Nicole

Nicole is the one who got away. Should have followed her to Japan. According to my ex no one could compare to her.

Brendan.

Drummer you dated because you thought he looked like Jakob Dylan. He had a drinking problem and made out with your best friend at your 21 st birthday party.

Steve

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sheila was a natural career, whip smart, nice to a fault. You broke up because you needed someone more complicated.

Nicole was a nervous mess, as likely to fawn over you as snap at you. Her family was even messier, so you decided to doge that bullet and not get in deeper.

Eddie.

Eddie was a pervert.


Jon

Jon was an fboi who wasted your time.

Carlos .

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Ryan was a small town boy who made good and arrived at your fancy east coast school to play football. He was sweet and funny with his thick neck and massive quads and you fell for him right away. But his addiction to porn made it hard to have a relationship with a real female, and you eventually stopped returning his calls and started dating a skinny musicology major.

Drew.

Drew was a cool, lead singer and guitar player in high school and college bands. Got too into drugs and alcohol, has been in and out of rehab and last you heard, was back in. Was hot and fun while it lasted though!

Forgot to add a name: Joe

Joe had an unfortunate problem with PE that ruined all his relationships.

Lynette.

Lynette grew up homeschooled in a religious cult and had a lot of hangups. She was mostly using you to rebel and you broke up when she called you a child of Satan.


Michelle.

Michelle never met a man she didn't like. Slept with your brother and all your friends when you guys were dating and some guy she met at the Justin Timberlake concert you surprised her with for her birthday.

Nicole

Nicole is the one who got away. Should have followed her to Japan. According to my ex no one could compare to her.

Brendan.

Drummer you dated because you thought he looked like Jakob Dylan. He had a drinking problem and made out with your best friend at your 21 st birthday party.

Steve

Steve was a good one, but I was too dumb to realize at the time.

Josh

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sheila was a natural career, whip smart, nice to a fault. You broke up because you needed someone more complicated.

Nicole was a nervous mess, as likely to fawn over you as snap at you. Her family was even messier, so you decided to doge that bullet and not get in deeper.

Eddie.

Eddie was a pervert.


Jon

Jon was an fboi who wasted your time.

Carlos .

Carlos was your best friend who didn’t want to F you like all the other boys. He didn’t even know how to make huevos rancheros nor dance the salsa. He was good at clubbing with you when all your girlfriends got married and pregnant. You two pretty much transitioned from Adams Morgan to U street chasing tails well into your 30’s until you finally ended up in bed together... on your new IKEA couch. It was the best sex you had in 5 years. You cuddled that evening, woke up awkwardly and decided to get fresh squeezed OJ and bagels up the street as if nothing happened. You’re still besties to this day, but married to other people by now.

Stephane

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sheila was a natural career, whip smart, nice to a fault. You broke up because you needed someone more complicated.

Nicole was a nervous mess, as likely to fawn over you as snap at you. Her family was even messier, so you decided to doge that bullet and not get in deeper.

Eddie.

Eddie was a pervert.


Jon

Jon was an fboi who wasted your time.

Carlos .

Carlos was your best friend who didn’t want to F you like all the other boys. He didn’t even know how to make huevos rancheros nor dance the salsa. He was good at clubbing with you when all your girlfriends got married and pregnant. You two pretty much transitioned from Adams Morgan to U street chasing tails well into your 30’s until you finally ended up in bed together... on your new IKEA couch. It was the best sex you had in 5 years. You cuddled that evening, woke up awkwardly and decided to get fresh squeezed OJ and bagels up the street as if nothing happened. You’re still besties to this day, but married to other people by now.

Stephane

You met Stephane in college. She seemed sweet and innocent and just as you started to fall for her, you met one of her HS classmates at a frat party and he told you she blew the entire basketball team including him (he was the scorekeeper) and the coach. That ended Steph.

Audrey

[Anonymous]

Audrey - A chunky girl that has a pretty face, but could stand to lose a few pounds and she’d be gorgeous.

Cheryl

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Audrey - A chunky girl that has a pretty face, but could stand to lose a few pounds and she’d be gorgeous.

Cheryl

Awesome softball player who surprises people when she introduces them to her boyfriend. More likely to punch you in the arm to bond with you than to kiss you. She’s just one of the guys.

Jim

[Anonymous]

Jim was an all-American guy. He enjoyed a good glass of bourbon and watching basketball. He was always mature and low drama, but there was no future with him because he was emotionally stunted.

Mark

[Anonymous]

Mark is a shifty womanizer who decided later in life to become a real estate agent specializing in rent to own schemes. He does way too many presses at the gym, but does them wrong, so ends up in that weird fat and fit place.

Gordon.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Mark is a shifty womanizer who decided later in life to become a real estate agent specializing in rent to own schemes. He does way too many presses at the gym, but does them wrong, so ends up in that weird fat and fit place.

Gordon.

Gordon was great until you noticed that his nights with the boys and his video games and any sports on tv took precedence to you. You forced him to go to a play one night, he excused himself to go to the bathroom and when you went looking for him 20 mins later, you found him with the coat check girl.

Cathy

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Mark is a shifty womanizer who decided later in life to become a real estate agent specializing in rent to own schemes. He does way too many presses at the gym, but does them wrong, so ends up in that weird fat and fit place.

Gordon.

Gordon was great until you noticed that his nights with the boys and his video games and any sports on tv took precedence to you. You forced him to go to a play one night, he excused himself to go to the bathroom and when you went looking for him 20 mins later, you found him with the coat check girl.

Cathy

Was nice enough.But you knew it wasn't going to last beyond summer.

Jen

[Anonymous]

Don't have a story, but these are really entertaining.


Jeremy

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Mark is a shifty womanizer who decided later in life to become a real estate agent specializing in rent to own schemes. He does way too many presses at the gym, but does them wrong, so ends up in that weird fat and fit place.

Gordon.

Gordon was great until you noticed that his nights with the boys and his video games and any sports on tv took precedence to you. You forced him to go to a play one night, he excused himself to go to the bathroom and when you went looking for him 20 mins later, you found him with the coat check girl.

Cathy

Was nice enough.But you knew it wasn't going to last beyond summer.

Jen

You thought Jen might be marriage material until that night night she put her finger in your butt and accompanied it with some "dirty talk that wasn't up you alley"

Kristen

[Anonymous]

Jeremy was charming initially. He kept the weekend calendar full with planned activities like beer tastings and concerts. But then his penchant for drinking too much became boring as did his vacuous friends. In the end, things were much more about his ego than about you.

Kristen, a classic pulled-together woman from the X-enial bridge generation, let you woo her. Her ambition was appealing, and she was pretty if not gorgeous. You could overlook her controlling tendencies because she was just so great at everything and you could see her being a good wife and mother some day. In the end she saw too many flaws in you (in almost everyone, really) so she left for nonexistent greener pastures.