Different upbringings = major marriage stress!

[Anonymous]

Is your dishwasher a: Miele, Bosche, GE, or Kitchenaid? Important question.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Doesn’t the fried tuna poster live in Fairfax?

[/i] lightly [i] fried, PP.

Jest aside, I thought of the same person/persona.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I totally get the horror at someone in their early 20s living way out in Fairfax and [/b]being afraid of the city. That screams small minded and afraid of living in a diverse area.[b] Heck, in my 20s I wouldn’t have dated a guy who lived in Arlington.

That should have been a red flag. The rest of the stuff, I agree with you for wanting real furniture, that’s not a lot to ask. If I were you, I’d just go ahead and buy some and make him deal with it.

It didn't sound like he was afraid of the city or diverse areas at all. In fact, OP complained that he didn't want to pay a little more to live in a better area.

Wanting to live in Fairfax to save money or for other reasons is very different than being afraid of the city or diversity.

[Anonymous]

Must be a troll post. My blue collar relatives all live in nicer homes in the midwest than I will ever be able to afford in DC. They have formal dining rooms, and fully-furnished homes.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
Wait until you have real problems, OP, such as a child with special needs, a life-threatening health crisis, job loss, money troubles, etc.

This is nothing.

FFS. We get it. People are starving and dying. Can we just talk in this forum about the mundane sh*t and vent sometimes or are we only allowed to post about saving lives?

I was talking about MY life in the DC area, thank you. We have survived through all these things, like many other people. I could be your neighbor or colleague.

This is the lesson I learned: you only have one life. Unless you or a loved one is dying or in pain, you better be grateful and happy for what you have.

Sure you can take a little time out to complain about minor things, but at some point, you have to get your act together. While you're wasting your time looking at the glass half-empty, life is passing you by.

[Anonymous]

Heh. Minus bourbon and cigars, I'm your husband. And I'm the one who grew up UMC.
DH is the fancy furniture, fancy house, fancy cards one. He grew up lower/working MC.
I'd love to live in the city again though. He refuses.

[Anonymous]

*cars not cards

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op is not a snob. As some point, when you're an adult you don't want Craigslist and grad school hand-me-downs. That doesn't necessarily mean you want a Stickely dining set. There are lots of gradations in between. People who live in a house need furniture. Living among cardboard boxes is not enjoyable. But I agree with PPs who said to figure out how to compromise.

Being an adult means be able to pay for things you want. OP can easily make some extra money and buy whatever furniture she wants without discussing it with her DH. I think OP just lazy, considering the boxes were left un-open for 2 years. WTH?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
Wait until you have real problems, OP, such as a child with special needs, a life-threatening health crisis, job loss, money troubles, etc.

This is nothing.

FFS. We get it. People are starving and dying. Can we just talk in this forum about the mundane sh*t and vent sometimes or are we only allowed to post about saving lives?

I was talking about MY life in the DC area, thank you. We have survived through all these things, like many other people. I could be your neighbor or colleague.

This is the lesson I learned: you only have one life. Unless you or a loved one is dying or in pain, you better be grateful and happy for what you have.

Sure you can take a little time out to complain about minor things, but at some point, you have to get your act together. While you're wasting your time looking at the glass half-empty, life is passing you by.

Good lord...I hate people who think other people aren't allowed to complain about things because their own problems are so much worse. There is no one that doesn't agree that those are "real" problems and your sentiment about being grateful for what you have is correct, but please stop being all sanctimonious on anonymous online forums.

[Anonymous]

MC or UMC usually inherit furniture, so you don't have to buy a lot of stuff like tables, side tables, bedroom furniture, rugs, and etc. You just have to buy sofas and a new bed/mattress. Maybe you can ask your family to "donate" some stuff and just have it refinished? This is what we did between me and DH and we just need to invest in nice living room furniture (sofas) once the kids are older. Kids rooms are all IKEA with some family pieces here/there. I bet your DH will be happy and you'll have nice things. Just a suggestion.

[Anonymous]

My DH is former military and when we got married he had all this government surplus furniture that they were allowed to buy when the base he lived on closed. He could have afforded better furniture but found it wasteful.

I've always bought all of our furniture with my income and really don't consider it a big deal. We use his income to pay the mortgage and fund retirement my income to pay for all the nice stuff that makes life worth living, including the kids. Works for us!

[Anonymous]

I know plenty of blue collar workers - plumbers, electrticians, landscapers- who are house proud and have great furniture. Some may have a few pieces that are second hand that has been refinished and reupholstered beautifully.

It is not a class thing but a personality thing. Your DH is scared of being poor and does not want to spend the money. I know plenty of white collar and upper middle class people who live like refugees. I was once invited to a colleague's (DH's) apartment for their child's birthday party. They both were in IT and one was working in a very prestigious organization as a programmer. A box cake was baked and presented on an upside down aluminium foil container, perched on a cardboard box table lined with a shower liner!! The apartment was dirty, smelly and crawling with tiny cockroaches and all the furniture was picked up from the curbside. I was shocked and disgusted. When a cockroach started to crawl on the birthday boy, I had had enough and cut the visit short saying that we had to be somewhere else. My DH was worried about what the hosts would think. But at that point I knew that I would be very happy of I never associated with the hosts again.

The people immigrants like us and were from the same culture, race, SES, education level as us - so please do not accuse me of being a troll, even though this seems like a fantastic story.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
Wait until you have real problems, OP, such as a child with special needs, a life-threatening health crisis, job loss, money troubles, etc.

This is nothing.

FFS. We get it. People are starving and dying. Can we just talk in this forum about the mundane sh*t and vent sometimes or are we only allowed to post about saving lives?

I was talking about MY life in the DC area, thank you. We have survived through all these things, like many other people. I could be your neighbor or colleague.

This is the lesson I learned: you only have one life. Unless you or a loved one is dying or in pain, you better be grateful and happy for what you have.

Sure you can take a little time out to complain about minor things, but at some point, you have to get your act together. While you're wasting your time looking at the glass half-empty, life is passing you by.

Good lord...I hate people who think other people aren't allowed to complain about things because their own problems are so much worse. There is no one that doesn't agree that those are "real" problems and your sentiment about being grateful for what you have is correct, but please stop being all sanctimonious on anonymous online forums.

This all day. And this was MY point. Just because A isn't as bad as B doesn't negate A. No one cares about your anecdotal "you only get one life!" that is literally on bumper stickers along with all the other inspirational memes and quotes that really do nothing but make a person feel guilty for feeling something other than enormously grateful to be alive. And you likely may be my neighbor or colleague or anyone who breathes because we ALL go through bigger problems.

It's dismissive and frankly - NOT WHAT THE FORUM IS ABOUT. OP came here to post/vent about everyday life - not the existential and I'm sure is smart enough to figure out that in the big scheme of things this may be a small matter. She brought the small matter here - where no one is curing cancer but rather giving some advice and going about our very lives that we should be ever so grateful for.

[Anonymous]

In the middle of Fairfax? Can someone please explain to me what that means exactly?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op is not a snob. As some point, when you're an adult you don't want Craigslist and grad school hand-me-downs. That doesn't necessarily mean you want a Stickely dining set. There are lots of gradations in between. People who live in a house need furniture. Living among cardboard boxes is not enjoyable. But I agree with PPs who said to figure out how to compromise.

Being an adult means be able to pay for things you want. OP can easily make some extra money and buy whatever furniture she wants without discussing it with her DH. I think OP just lazy, considering the boxes were left un-open for 2 years. WTH?

Not the OP, but our income is family income. Maybe the OP is the breadwinner, and her DH is a SAHD, does that mean she should but whatever house/furniture/car she wants, even if he considers it a waste of money?