Different upbringings = major marriage stress!

[Anonymous]

I can’t believe people are calling OP a snob because she wants furniture that doesn’t already have someone else’s body fluids on it or doesn’t want to live in the suburbs. Get a grip folks. You’re being ridiculously harsh.

OP. Ease him into a lifestyle you BOTH will appreciate...by taking about what you both value. But new...but cost effective and point out longevity and building a home together. Buy a mix of CL items and spring for the quality item that means the most for you. Doesn’t have to be all or nothing. Talk now to avoid harboring resentment. You could also think about why certain things matter to you for a self check.

[Anonymous]

I grew up upper middle class (probably more upper class) in another country and I am very frugal. My parents spent money differently than the typical American middle or upper class family. We owned several sail boats and traveled the world every years. My parents paid for very expensive education. Our houses (in different cities) were nice, but never spent much in furniture, electronics, restaurants, hotels, etc. I had worse clothes and cellphones than my very working class friends, yet spent summers sailing in Greece and winters traveling in Africa.

I think it is very closed minded of you OP to think that fancy furniture is a must and part of life. Unless you have millions (many millions) I am sure there are much better ways to spend your money than on a dinner table. I think your husband agrees

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I can’t believe people are calling OP a snob because she wants furniture that doesn’t already have someone else’s body fluids on it or doesn’t want to live in the suburbs. Get a grip folks. You’re being ridiculously harsh.

OP. Ease him into a lifestyle you BOTH will appreciate...by taking about what you both value. But new...but cost effective and point out longevity and building a home together. Buy a mix of CL items and spring for the quality item that means the most for you. Doesn’t have to be all or nothing. Talk now to avoid harboring resentment. You could also think about why certain things matter to you for a self check.

Sorry PP here...2 yrs amongst boxes is a sad state of affairs to lay solely at his feet. Have some purpose about yourself - that’s just lazy.

[Anonymous]

It's great that you are beginning to understand your differences, but you need to lose the attitude that he needs to change if you are going to have a marriage. Figure out how to compromise. I am highly educated and grew up working class. Now that I've lived in wealthy areas, I know that I just don't like that lifestyle. I still like working class neighborhoods and people and I don't feel any need to prove myself by living like a wealthy person.

[Anonymous]

Doesn’t the fried tuna poster live in Fairfax?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I grew up upper middle class (probably more upper class) in another country and I am very frugal. My parents spent money differently than the typical American middle or upper class family. We owned several sail boats and traveled the world every years. My parents paid for very expensive education. Our houses (in different cities) were nice, but never spent much in furniture, electronics, restaurants, hotels, etc. I had worse clothes and cellphones than my very working class friends, yet spent summers sailing in Greece and winters traveling in Africa.

I think it is very closed minded of you OP to think that fancy furniture is a must and part of life. Unless you have millions (many millions) I am sure there are much better ways to spend your money than on a dinner table. I think your husband agrees

Oh do shut up. Not everyone thinks going to Africa is a must or a part of life. People get to choose what they care about. There is nothing wrong whatsoever about desiring a dining room table and the experience of hosting special meals in a nice setting.

OP's problem is that she is taking the stance that there is something wrong with her husband for not sharing her dreams. She needs to own that they are her dreams and share them as such instead of insisting that he is a moron for not automatically wanting to do things her way.

I do think it's a little weird that her husband wanted to live without a rug or coffee table for 3 years and I think most people probably agree but are reacting to the fact that OP presents like an entitled ditz.

[Anonymous]

I totally get the horror at someone in their early 20s living way out in Fairfax and being afraid of the city. That screams small minded and afraid of living in a diverse area. Heck, in my 20s I wouldn’t have dated a guy who lived in Arlington.

That should have been a red flag. The rest of the stuff, I agree with you for wanting real furniture, that’s not a lot to ask. If I were you, I’d just go ahead and buy some and make him deal with it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I can’t believe people are calling OP a snob because she wants furniture that doesn’t already have someone else’s body fluids on it or doesn’t want to live in the suburbs. Get a grip folks. You’re being ridiculously harsh.

OP. Ease him into a lifestyle you BOTH will appreciate...by taking about what you both value. But new...but cost effective and point out longevity and building a home together. Buy a mix of CL items and spring for the quality item that means the most for you. Doesn’t have to be all or nothing. Talk now to avoid harboring resentment. You could also think about why certain things matter to you for a self check.

Sorry PP here...2 yrs amongst boxes is a sad state of affairs to lay solely at his feet. Have some purpose about yourself - that’s just lazy.

OP is a snob, because she is as responsible for her state of affairs as her DH is.

It’s lovely to WANT things, but OP Hasn’t indicated how she hopes to achieve them, other than her DH buying them.

[Anonymous]

Op is not a snob. As some point, when you're an adult you don't want Craigslist and grad school hand-me-downs. That doesn't necessarily mean you want a Stickely dining set. There are lots of gradations in between. People who live in a house need furniture. Living among cardboard boxes is not enjoyable. But I agree with PPs who said to figure out how to compromise.

[Anonymous]

Wait until you have real problems, OP, such as a child with special needs, a life-threatening health crisis, job loss, money troubles, etc.

This is nothing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op is not a snob. As some point, when you're an adult you don't want Craigslist and grad school hand-me-downs. That doesn't necessarily mean you want a Stickely dining set. There are lots of gradations in between. People who live in a house need furniture. Living among cardboard boxes is not enjoyable. But I agree with PPs who said to figure out how to compromise.

I feel Sad that OP was born without thumbs, and is this incapable of emptying boxes and earning a living in order to fulfill her dining room table dreams. I almost can’t cope with her zip code issue.

Should we start a go fund me?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
Wait until you have real problems, OP, such as a child with special needs, a life-threatening health crisis, job loss, money troubles, etc.

This is nothing.

FFS. We get it. People are starving and dying. Can we just talk in this forum about the mundane sh*t and vent sometimes or are we only allowed to post about saving lives?

[Anonymous]

Your DH sounds like a lovely and reasonable guy. If the marriage won't work out divorce him now so he can date someone worthy of his time who appreciates him and doesn't judge him for coming from a family that is not "well to do"

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Your DH sounds like a lovely and reasonable guy. If the marriage won't work out divorce him now so he can date someone worthy of his time who appreciates him and doesn't judge him for coming from a family that is not "well to do"

How is she judging him by stating the facts? She married him. I’m going to go out on a limb and say that she loves him? Came here to get perhaps some constructive advice with a side of snark but I see the advice is sold out.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I can’t believe people are calling OP a snob because she wants furniture that doesn’t already have someone else’s body fluids on it or doesn’t want to live in the suburbs. Get a grip folks. You’re being ridiculously harsh.

OP. Ease him into a lifestyle you BOTH will appreciate...by taking about what you both value. But new...but cost effective and point out longevity and building a home together. Buy a mix of CL items and spring for the quality item that means the most for you. Doesn’t have to be all or nothing. Talk now to avoid harboring resentment. You could also think about why certain things matter to you for a self check.

+1

What is wrong with wanting decent furniture or to live in a neighborhood that you like and that has a better commute? When my DH and I were in law school he literally lived in a converted shed. His parents had money and would have paid for him to live in a nicer place but he wanted to pay for everything on his own. When we moved in together there was no question of continuing to live in shed-like places and location was a high priority for me. When we bought our first home he totally understood when I wanted nicer furniture (which in the beginning came from thrift stores, Craigslist and IKEA). Having a home you feel comfortable in is important and it’s not an unreasonable desire on OP’s part.