Are middle school girls mean in general...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:No op all are not mean. My daughter and friends and overall grade are pretty nice girls. The moms help encourage this. The more confident your daughter becomes the more socially comfortable she will be. Also maybe Encourage her not to try to be friends with girls that clearly don’t want to be friends. I had to kindly encourage my son to stop trying to break into a group that was not very nice to him or others and now he has a much nicer group of friends that he fits into more naturally without having to try so hard. It gets better! Help her get her confidence up by focusing on something she is good at or enjoys.

This. Confidence matters a lot. My daughter is a nerd (her word) and proud of it. She has a tight-knit group of friends, a couple BFFs from elementary but then added a few during MS. I haven't seen any drama with them. Their new friends were mainly added via band and the library/book club.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:People are insane. Nothing in your post gave enough information for people to diagnose her with ASD or say she has “real problems.” Middle school is brutal. Love and support her. Most girls have these issues.

Thank you! I can't believe how quickly PPs jump to some medical diagnosis. It IS insane. Kids are awkward sometimes--that does not mean there is anything wrong with them. This board sure does make a strong case for homeschooling...

As the PP with the DD with HFA, I have to take exception to the characterization that there is something “wrong” with DD.

New PP here, I say celebrate it all you like, differences should be celebrated, but also be honest with yourself. if there is something that needs fixing or significantly helping, then there is something wrong, quite simply.

Different, yes. To the point that getting help in order to fit into the socially acceptable way of being, yes. Wrong, no. There was a time when a lot of people thought gay people were “wrong” just for being who they are. Same-same to me. But I don’t expect most people in the world (or on DCUM) to catch up to this anytime soon. My kid will have to deal with this attitude well beyond MS and we are working on how she can do that. But I don’t want her to feel she is wrong or broken just for being herself.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:People are insane. Nothing in your post gave enough information for people to diagnose her with ASD or say she has “real problems.” Middle school is brutal. Love and support her. Most girls have these issues.

Thank you! I can't believe how quickly PPs jump to some medical diagnosis. It IS insane. Kids are awkward sometimes--that does not mean there is anything wrong with them. This board sure does make a strong case for homeschooling...

As the PP with the DD with HFA, I have to take exception to the characterization that there is something “wrong” with DD.

New PP here, I say celebrate it all you like, differences should be celebrated, but also be honest with yourself. if there is something that needs fixing or significantly helping, then there is something wrong, quite simply.

Different, yes. To the point that getting help in order to fit into the socially acceptable way of being, yes. Wrong, no. There was a time when a lot of people thought gay people were “wrong” just for being who they are. Same-same to me. But I don’t expect most people in the world (or on DCUM) to catch up to this anytime soon. My kid will have to deal with this attitude well beyond MS and we are working on how she can do that. But I don’t want her to feel she is wrong or broken just for being herself.

Way to take OP's post, and turn it all around to you and your snowflake. You must be a pleasure to be around. I think most of us understood what OP was saying. You just have an agenda you're determined to push. Move along now... Back to OP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:People are insane. Nothing in your post gave enough information for people to diagnose her with ASD or say she has “real problems.” Middle school is brutal. Love and support her. Most girls have these issues.

Thank you! I can't believe how quickly PPs jump to some medical diagnosis. It IS insane. Kids are awkward sometimes--that does not mean there is anything wrong with them. This board sure does make a strong case for homeschooling...

As the PP with the DD with HFA, I have to take exception to the characterization that there is something “wrong” with DD.

New PP here, I say celebrate it all you like, differences should be celebrated, but also be honest with yourself. if there is something that needs fixing or significantly helping, then there is something wrong, quite simply.

Different, yes. To the point that getting help in order to fit into the socially acceptable way of being, yes. Wrong, no. There was a time when a lot of people thought gay people were “wrong” just for being who they are. Same-same to me. But I don’t expect most people in the world (or on DCUM) to catch up to this anytime soon. My kid will have to deal with this attitude well beyond MS and we are working on how she can do that. But I don’t want her to feel she is wrong or broken just for being herself.

Way to take OP's post, and turn it all around to you and your snowflake. You must be a pleasure to be around. I think most of us understood what OP was saying. You just have an agenda you're determined to push. Move along now... Back to OP.

Rather what that poster was saying by "wrong." We get it. Better word next time. Next.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:People are insane. Nothing in your post gave enough information for people to diagnose her with ASD or say she has “real problems.” Middle school is brutal. Love and support her. Most girls have these issues.

Thank you! I can't believe how quickly PPs jump to some medical diagnosis. It IS insane. Kids are awkward sometimes--that does not mean there is anything wrong with them. This board sure does make a strong case for homeschooling...

As the PP with the DD with HFA, I have to take exception to the characterization that there is something “wrong” with DD.

New PP here, I say celebrate it all you like, differences should be celebrated, but also be honest with yourself. if there is something that needs fixing or significantly helping, then there is something wrong, quite simply.

Different, yes. To the point that getting help in order to fit into the socially acceptable way of being, yes. Wrong, no. There was a time when a lot of people thought gay people were “wrong” just for being who they are. Same-same to me. But I don’t expect most people in the world (or on DCUM) to catch up to this anytime soon. My kid will have to deal with this attitude well beyond MS and we are working on how she can do that. But I don’t want her to feel she is wrong or broken just for being herself.

Way to take OP's post, and turn it all around to you and your snowflake. You must be a pleasure to be around. I think most of us understood what OP was saying. You just have an agenda you're determined to push. Move along now... Back to OP.

Rather what that poster was saying by "wrong." We get it. Better word next time. Next.

You use the words you want, and I'll use the ones I want, as long as they're accurate.

[Anonymous]

DP. And these two PPs are where mean girls learn how to be mean. Thanks.

[Anonymous]

Op it is not the norm but these years can be difficult
Because girls and boys are trying to find where they fit in and who their friends are and it can be more challenging for some than others. Sometimes the sweet nice kids that don’t have a quick sense of humor or who are not overtly confident can get pushed out of groups but as I said earlier try to help your daughter feel confident in herself and maybe take her to get a cute hair trim or a few new outfits to feel good about herself (don’t flame me people) but in teen land these things can matter. Regardless OP, I am writing again To tell you that I don’t think there’s anything wrong with your daughter based on what you’ve said and I feel badly that people are saying that to you. Kids develop and mature at different paces and your daughter will be fine I’m sure. Good luck to you!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:People are insane. Nothing in your post gave enough information for people to diagnose her with ASD or say she has “real problems.” Middle school is brutal. Love and support her. Most girls have these issues.

Could not agree more. The Asperger's suggestion is ridiculous. My daughter is like this. I've had to teach her to stop being so polite all the time with her peers. For example, instead of walking up and asking if she can join a group...I tell her just to walk up and join the group. She doesn't need to ask for permission. So many kids are raised to be super competitive around here, and some no basic manners, it's hard for kids that aren't like this to understand the direct/mean nature of some girls.

Why did you have to teach her this? Was the group she wanted to join telling her no before? If so, walking up and insisting will lead to more bullying—either to her face or behind her back.

Instead, teach her to find friends that enjoy her company.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:People are insane. Nothing in your post gave enough information for people to diagnose her with ASD or say she has “real problems.” Middle school is brutal. Love and support her. Most girls have these issues.

Thank you! I can't believe how quickly PPs jump to some medical diagnosis. It IS insane. Kids are awkward sometimes--that does not mean there is anything wrong with them. This board sure does make a strong case for homeschooling...

As the PP with the DD with HFA, I have to take exception to the characterization that there is something “wrong” with DD.

New PP here, I say celebrate it all you like, differences should be celebrated, but also be honest with yourself. if there is something that needs fixing or significantly helping, then there is something wrong, quite simply.

Different, yes. To the point that getting help in order to fit into the socially acceptable way of being, yes. Wrong, no. There was a time when a lot of people thought gay people were “wrong” just for being who they are. Same-same to me. But I don’t expect most people in the world (or on DCUM) to catch up to this anytime soon. My kid will have to deal with this attitude well beyond MS and we are working on how she can do that. But I don’t want her to feel she is wrong or broken just for being herself.

Way to take OP's post, and turn it all around to you and your snowflake. You must be a pleasure to be around. I think most of us understood what OP was saying. You just have an agenda you're determined to push. Move along now... Back to OP.

Rather what that poster was saying by "wrong." We get it. Better word next time. Next.

You use the words you want, and I'll use the ones I want, as long as they're accurate.

Geez, I'm the PP who used the word "wrong" and it was in reference to the PP who said to get DD checked out for not reading social queues. I DID NOT mean to suggest that anything was wrong with children with Aspergers.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:People are insane. Nothing in your post gave enough information for people to diagnose her with ASD or say she has “real problems.” Middle school is brutal. Love and support her. Most girls have these issues.

Could not agree more. The Asperger's suggestion is ridiculous. My daughter is like this. I've had to teach her to stop being so polite all the time with her peers. For example, instead of walking up and asking if she can join a group...I tell her just to walk up and join the group. She doesn't need to ask for permission. So many kids are raised to be super competitive around here, and some no basic manners, it's hard for kids that aren't like this to understand the direct/mean nature of some girls.

This is so true. My daughter is very empathetic and kind. There are not many like her in 6th grade. We worked pretty hard to get her to a point where she can be a little tougher and not care so much what other kids think. Telling her about my awkward middle school years helped a lot and also that high school and beyond are much better. It is a shame that the mean girls are also the popular ones. Why is that???

As an aside, with my encouragement, I had her run for SGA office. She had an excellent platform, talked to many kids about what changes they want to see and ran her ideas by the VP to see what can be implemented. I was present for her presentation and she rocked it. All the kids and parents in the audience clapped for her the loudest. Her competitor went after her and you could barely hear her as she giggled through her speech. her ideas were along the lines of putting a lounge in the girl's bathroom and having half day Fridays. She also said she is against bullying despite being extremely mean and brutal to kids. Guess who won??? Not my daughter. She was upset and I at that point I realized just how unfair life really can be for some people. We used it as a teaching moment and she has since heard that even the most unpopular kids voted for the other girl because they thought that would bump their social status.

So just tell her to distance herself, give her the courage to go sit with another less nasty group at lunch (they are there and she should just go and sit with them without really asking) and just role play at home to make her more comfortable speaking up for herself which is not easy for a lot of people to do, kids and adults.

NP. You took your DD’s race way too seriously. Sounds like it was doomed from the start. They are popularity concerts and always will be, sorry to say.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yes.

Middle school is a very mean age, especially for girls

As someone who has worked at many middle schools, I agree with the first half of your post but not the second. Most middle school boys are generally just as mean as most middle school girls just in somewhat different ways. The boys also outgrow their mean behaviors more slowly (or in mid-to-late high school vs late middle school to early high school).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Or is there something about my DD that’s causing her to be a target? It just seems like every few weeks a different girl goes after her unprovoked. Telling her to be quiet when she joins in conversation, getting mad at her for reasons that elude my DD. My DD is very kind and sweet but also very naive and a bit socially awkward. These middle school dynamics are starting to weigh on her.

I guess I’m wondering if other (less awkward) girls go through this too, to some extent?

I think MS is a time when many girls desperately want to be grown up. Sometimes that gets interpreted as telling other people what to do or being bossy. I see a lot of this. Sometimes it becomes about attention which contributes to cliques. I don't see a ton of truly "mean" behavior, just a lot of kids thinking about their own world trying to be grown up or cool or whatever and other kids get trampled on. But, there are many kind kids out there, and even some of the ones referenced previously can get past their issues. Hang in there, OP. Hugs to your daughter.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:YES YES YES

My nerdy super smart and gorgeous daughter had a terrible time in middle school. Thank goodness it's over.

If she is as self-deprecating about herself as you are about her, no wonder she had a 'terrible time' in middle school.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Or is there something about my DD that’s causing her to be a target? It just seems like every few weeks a different girl goes after her unprovoked. Telling her to be quiet when she joins in conversation, getting mad at her for reasons that elude my DD. My DD is very kind and sweet but also very naive and a bit socially awkward. These middle school dynamics are starting to weigh on her.

I guess I’m wondering if other (less awkward) girls go through this too, to some extent?

I think MS is a time when many girls desperately want to be grown up. Sometimes that gets interpreted as telling other people what to do or being bossy. I see a lot of this. Sometimes it becomes about attention which contributes to cliques. I don't see a ton of truly "mean" behavior, just a lot of kids thinking about their own world trying to be grown up or cool or whatever and other kids get trampled on. But, there are many kind kids out there, and even some of the ones referenced previously can get past their issues. Hang in there, OP. Hugs to your daughter.

Nah, some are just cruel. It’s the way of the world.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:People are insane. Nothing in your post gave enough information for people to diagnose her with ASD or say she has “real problems.” Middle school is brutal. Love and support her. Most girls have these issues.

Thank you! I can't believe how quickly PPs jump to some medical diagnosis. It IS insane. Kids are awkward sometimes--that does not mean there is anything wrong with them. This board sure does make a strong case for homeschooling...

As the PP with the DD with HFA, I have to take exception to the characterization that there is something “wrong” with DD.

New PP here, I say celebrate it all you like, differences should be celebrated, but also be honest with yourself. if there is something that needs fixing or significantly helping, then there is something wrong, quite simply.

Different, yes. To the point that getting help in order to fit into the socially acceptable way of being, yes. Wrong, no. There was a time when a lot of people thought gay people were “wrong” just for being who they are. Same-same to me. But I don’t expect most people in the world (or on DCUM) to catch up to this anytime soon. My kid will have to deal with this attitude well beyond MS and we are working on how she can do that. But I don’t want her to feel she is wrong or broken just for being herself.

Listen... I am not trying to be obnoxious here, but why do you have to make this all about you and your DD? The OP was asking about mean girls in middle school and about her DD's experience. I think the reason people jumped on you and your comment about your daughter not having anything wrong was because this has nothing to do with your daughter.