Should I have a fourth child?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:No. There are still only 24 hours in a day. No. It’s not fair to your existing children. If you were younger, and two of your kids were a bit older it would be different.

OP - if I were younger?!?! Lol.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No. There are still only 24 hours in a day. No. It’s not fair to your existing children. If you were younger, and two of your kids were a bit older it would be different.

OP - if I were younger?!?! Lol.

Ok, the OP is a jerk.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No. There are still only 24 hours in a day. No. It’s not fair to your existing children. If you were younger, and two of your kids were a bit older it would be different.

OP - if I were younger?!?! Lol.

Ok, the OP is a jerk.

You only just figured that out?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think the only problem is the “I” in your post.

What does your husband think?
And do you think your kids would be on board? Have they expressed interest in a sibling?

Kids don't get a vote on whether they have a sibling. If that were the case, half the children in America wouldn't be born.

I think in this case, they should. 3 kids are already a lot (I have 3 too) and there’s no way those kids don’t want more of their mom’s attention, especially given that she works out of the home. An adopted child would already look and feel different, the last thing they’d need is for their new siblings to totally resent that he or she is there and make a difficult process even more difficult.

OP - wow, watch yourself. Hopefully we are raising our kids to be more conscientious and kind then you. The child would “look and feel different”? FWIW our family is already biracial.

Kids can still feel different even if they are mixed as you are if you have 3 biological kids. For us, we spent maybe around $60K trying to adopt so in less you do foster adopt, it will easily be $20-80K.

OP - You must have missed the part when I said I am adopted myself and have extensively researched the country we want to adopt from.

I read that you are adopted BUT, its very hard on kids when they are the only "adopted" child in a large family. Also, if you are going out of the country are you prepared for SN and the adjustment period of an older child?

+1 And who will take care of your other kids while you go overseas to pick up your fourth child (potentially for an extended period if paperwork drags on)?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think the only problem is the “I” in your post.

What does your husband think?
And do you think your kids would be on board? Have they expressed interest in a sibling?

Kids don't get a vote on whether they have a sibling. If that were the case, half the children in America wouldn't be born.

I think in this case, they should. 3 kids are already a lot (I have 3 too) and there’s no way those kids don’t want more of their mom’s attention, especially given that she works out of the home. An adopted child would already look and feel different, the last thing they’d need is for their new siblings to totally resent that he or she is there and make a difficult process even more difficult.

OP - wow, watch yourself. Hopefully we are raising our kids to be more conscientious and kind then you. The child would “look and feel different”? FWIW our family is already biracial.

Kids can still feel different even if they are mixed as you are if you have 3 biological kids. For us, we spent maybe around $60K trying to adopt so in less you do foster adopt, it will easily be $20-80K.

OP - You must have missed the part when I said I am adopted myself and have extensively researched the country we want to adopt from.

I read that you are adopted BUT, its very hard on kids when they are the only "adopted" child in a large family. Also, if you are going out of the country are you prepared for SN and the adjustment period of an older child?

+1 And who will take care of your other kids while you go overseas to pick up your fourth child (potentially for an extended period if paperwork drags on)?

The kids can can all go but if child needs a lot of medical/therapy appointments will Mom have the time and money to do that. Most parents with large families I know often didn't the private therapies the kids needed, even if they could afford them due to child care and other issues.

[Anonymous]

WE have 4 and it's a lot of work. IT's grueling in some ways. We also both WOH and dont' make a ton of money, but we do throw as much as we can to non child-contact outsourcing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think the only problem is the “I” in your post.

What does your husband think?
And do you think your kids would be on board? Have they expressed interest in a sibling?

Kids don't get a vote on whether they have a sibling. If that were the case, half the children in America wouldn't be born.

I think in this case, they should. 3 kids are already a lot (I have 3 too) and there’s no way those kids don’t want more of their mom’s attention, especially given that she works out of the home. An adopted child would already look and feel different, the last thing they’d need is for their new siblings to totally resent that he or she is there and make a difficult process even more difficult.

OP - wow, watch yourself. Hopefully we are raising our kids to be more conscientious and kind then you. The child would “look and feel different”? FWIW our family is already biracial.

Kids can still feel different even if they are mixed as you are if you have 3 biological kids. For us, we spent maybe around $60K trying to adopt so in less you do foster adopt, it will easily be $20-80K.

OP - You must have missed the part when I said I am adopted myself and have extensively researched the country we want to adopt from.

I read that you are adopted BUT, its very hard on kids when they are the only "adopted" child in a large family. Also, if you are going out of the country are you prepared for SN and the adjustment period of an older child?

+1 And who will take care of your other kids while you go overseas to pick up your fourth child (potentially for an extended period if paperwork drags on)?

+1 Funny that she considers someone “unkind” for pointing out that one adopted child mixed with three biological children might feel different, and/or that three young children may not want to share their mom with another child. And she clearly thinks that her experience as an adopted child is representative of all adopted children. No empathy whatsoever, just me me me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think the only problem is the “I” in your post.

What does your husband think?
And do you think your kids would be on board? Have they expressed interest in a sibling?

Kids don't get a vote on whether they have a sibling. If that were the case, half the children in America wouldn't be born.

I think in this case, they should. 3 kids are already a lot (I have 3 too) and there’s no way those kids don’t want more of their mom’s attention, especially given that she works out of the home. An adopted child would already look and feel different, the last thing they’d need is for their new siblings to totally resent that he or she is there and make a difficult process even more difficult.

OP - wow, watch yourself. Hopefully we are raising our kids to be more conscientious and kind then you. The child would “look and feel different”? FWIW our family is already biracial.

Kids can still feel different even if they are mixed as you are if you have 3 biological kids. For us, we spent maybe around $60K trying to adopt so in less you do foster adopt, it will easily be $20-80K.

OP - You must have missed the part when I said I am adopted myself and have extensively researched the country we want to adopt from.

I read that you are adopted BUT, its very hard on kids when they are the only "adopted" child in a large family. Also, if you are going out of the country are you prepared for SN and the adjustment period of an older child?

+1 And who will take care of your other kids while you go overseas to pick up your fourth child (potentially for an extended period if paperwork drags on)?

The kids can can all go but if child needs a lot of medical/therapy appointments will Mom have the time and money to do that. Most parents with large families I know often didn't the private therapies the kids needed, even if they could afford them due to child care and other issues.

Or dad.
This supposidly liberal forum drives me nuts

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Parenting teens really sucks. But if your marriage is solid, and your husband actively parents— than yes.

+1000 just was on DCUM to ask something on the Tween/Teen forum. My experience has been that you can get a GREAT teen, and you can get a HORRID, HORRIBLE teen. I have one of each, and I see that my peer group seems to get one or the other. (and expect no sympathy or understanding from those parents who get a great teen; they think it's their parenting and not temperament)

So if one of your three kids is that nightmare teen, it will take up a lot of your time. Case in point, my December was HELL and I threw everything I had into difficult teen, compromising my own health (due to anxiety, I lost 15 pounds in 2 weeks--over the holidays! My face looks like sh**). Then I looked up and saw my sweet teen was suffering from my neglect and ripping up her face and having crying jags. And pointing out that it was obvious that she came in second...OMG.

However, all that being said....I am hopeful that you adopt, OP. I can't explain it....I read your post and thought, she should do it

[Anonymous]

Good god no. Horrible idea. It would inevitably take time away from your existing kids.

[Anonymous]

OP - wow ok so I’m a jerk for laughing at someone pointing out that apparently I’m “too old” to have a fourth kid (I’m 36), I’m not rich enough because we’re not independently wealthy (owning our homes and having 2 working parents isn’t good enough?), and my experience as being the only racial/ethnic minority in my entire family and extended family as well as being part of multiple adoptee groups as a child and adult is not adequate enough.

No wonder so many kids don’t get adopted. Sheesh. Right - I’m the jerk in this situation.

[Anonymous]

Nope

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Parenting teens really sucks. But if your marriage is solid, and your husband actively parents— than yes.

+1000 just was on DCUM to ask something on the Tween/Teen forum. My experience has been that you can get a GREAT teen, and you can get a HORRID, HORRIBLE teen. I have one of each, and I see that my peer group seems to get one or the other. (and expect no sympathy or understanding from those parents who get a great teen; they think it's their parenting and not temperament)

So if one of your three kids is that nightmare teen, it will take up a lot of your time. Case in point, my December was HELL and I threw everything I had into difficult teen, compromising my own health (due to anxiety, I lost 15 pounds in 2 weeks--over the holidays! My face looks like sh**). Then I looked up and saw my sweet teen was suffering from my neglect and ripping up her face and having crying jags. And pointing out that it was obvious that she came in second...OMG.

However, all that being said....I am hopeful that you adopt, OP. I can't explain it....I read your post and thought, she should do it

OP - thank you for actual parenting advice! And not nitpicking whether I am rich/old/whatever enough.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think the only problem is the “I” in your post.

What does your husband think?
And do you think your kids would be on board? Have they expressed interest in a sibling?

Kids don't get a vote on whether they have a sibling. If that were the case, half the children in America wouldn't be born.

I think in this case, they should. 3 kids are already a lot (I have 3 too) and there’s no way those kids don’t want more of their mom’s attention, especially given that she works out of the home. An adopted child would already look and feel different, the last thing they’d need is for their new siblings to totally resent that he or she is there and make a difficult process even more difficult.

OP - wow, watch yourself. Hopefully we are raising our kids to be more conscientious and kind then you. The child would “look and feel different”? FWIW our family is already biracial.

Kids can still feel different even if they are mixed as you are if you have 3 biological kids. For us, we spent maybe around $60K trying to adopt so in less you do foster adopt, it will easily be $20-80K.

OP - You must have missed the part when I said I am adopted myself and have extensively researched the country we want to adopt from.

I read that you are adopted BUT, its very hard on kids when they are the only "adopted" child in a large family. Also, if you are going out of the country are you prepared for SN and the adjustment period of an older child?

+1 And who will take care of your other kids while you go overseas to pick up your fourth child (potentially for an extended period if paperwork drags on)?

The kids can can all go but if child needs a lot of medical/therapy appointments will Mom have the time and money to do that. Most parents with large families I know often didn't the private therapies the kids needed, even if they could afford them due to child care and other issues.

Or dad.
This supposidly liberal forum drives me nuts

OP - yes dad is currently home with sick 3 year old. Works from home and for himself.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think the only problem is the “I” in your post.

What does your husband think?
And do you think your kids would be on board? Have they expressed interest in a sibling?

Kids don't get a vote on whether they have a sibling. If that were the case, half the children in America wouldn't be born.

I think in this case, they should. 3 kids are already a lot (I have 3 too) and there’s no way those kids don’t want more of their mom’s attention, especially given that she works out of the home. An adopted child would already look and feel different, the last thing they’d need is for their new siblings to totally resent that he or she is there and make a difficult process even more difficult.

OP - wow, watch yourself. Hopefully we are raising our kids to be more conscientious and kind then you. The child would “look and feel different”? FWIW our family is already biracial.

Kids can still feel different even if they are mixed as you are if you have 3 biological kids. For us, we spent maybe around $60K trying to adopt so in less you do foster adopt, it will easily be $20-80K.

OP - You must have missed the part when I said I am adopted myself and have extensively researched the country we want to adopt from.

I read that you are adopted BUT, its very hard on kids when they are the only "adopted" child in a large family. Also, if you are going out of the country are you prepared for SN and the adjustment period of an older child?

+1 And who will take care of your other kids while you go overseas to pick up your fourth child (potentially for an extended period if paperwork drags on)?

My parents, although we might bring the oldest, it depends.