I have 4. Going from three to four was easy in general.
Older kids are old enough to be mostly self sufficient. My youngest is 20ish months, and I love having a big family. Some things to consider: 1. Activities with older kids: pps are right that that’s hard to manage the more kids you have. You have to be prepared to say no to things like travel sports. My kids can’t have more than two activities a season. If there were fewer of them, I would probably let them do whatever interests them. 2. Working ft becomes extremely tough: I take one day a week more or less off to just catch up at home. I understand what people mean by running a household. This wasn’t an issue when I had only three. All my sick days go to someone else other than me being sick. 3. Kids definitely feel like they get less attention: my oldest said at her school last year that being the eldest out of four was her biggest challenge in life. That made me pretty sad. It really is like the loud house (nick cartoon) an unfortunate amount of the time. I’m lucky my kids are healthy and not special needs, I wouldn’t have the ability to care for them otherwise. I would never change anything with my family though. |
I love the idea, especially as you are an adoptee yourself. I’m also an adoptive mom but don’t have bio kids. That will an extra wrinkle to your child’s experience but just something to be aware of. |
OP - DH is not adopted so has not given this as much thought as me. Obv if he were not ok with it I would have my answer. He is fine either way. |
OP - wow, watch yourself. Hopefully we are raising our kids to be more conscientious and kind then you. The child would “look and feel different”? FWIW our family is already biracial. |
OP - thanks |
Can you pay for college for 4? |
for the good of everyone, no.
- mom of 4 |
Watch the effect on the other kids in terms of their day to day attention and needs. Don’t make them feel like a number. |
If you’re independently wealthy and don’t need to work, you can afford it. Otherwise, you probably can’t afford your 3. |
Adoption isn’t cheap either. But OP sounds like she has some resources. |
OP - I want to wait until youngest is in K but DH would rather they be close together in age, or not at all. |
Kids can still feel different even if they are mixed as you are if you have 3 biological kids. For us, we spent maybe around $60K trying to adopt so in less you do foster adopt, it will easily be $20-80K. |
OP - You must have missed the part when I said I am adopted myself and have extensively researched the country we want to adopt from. |
No. There are still only 24 hours in a day. No. It’s not fair to your existing children. If you were younger, and two of your kids were a bit older it would be different. |
I read that you are adopted BUT, its very hard on kids when they are the only "adopted" child in a large family. Also, if you are going out of the country are you prepared for SN and the adjustment period of an older child? |