Adoption at 33

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you want to adopt and not give birth, you are really jumping the gun. You have years and years to do this in.

Go to therapy. Work on your weird fixation on income. It sounds a lot like a defensive mechanism, and it's not serving you well.

This.

Also, for the record, I met my DH at a size 24 and age 38. He makes a lot more than I do. I had a baby at 41. I think you have a weird fixation on income and on your own weight, which at size 16 is not exceptional. At that size I dated plenty of hot guys.

Why on earth would you adopt someone else’s infant rather than having your own, either way? (Unless you had a calling to adopt from foster care, not that it sounds like you do.)

Oh.
My.
God.

I know. PP may have had a size 24 in clothes but definitely has a 00 sized heart.

Why are you all casting aspersions on the first PP? Did you choose to adopt instead of having a baby (knowing that you had no fertility issues)? The vast majority of people choose to have a baby unless it turns out they can't. It's cheaper, usually quicker, and you don't have to worry about a bunch of issues that come with building your family through adoption. I say this as an adoptive mom who totally loves my kids. But yeah, I tried to have one biologically first. Didn't most of you?

I did adopt my first child, thanks. Adoption isn't limited to the infertile community. It is the first (and only, for some) choice for some of us. Yes, the vast majority of people have bio children and I have no issues with that. It's her attitude in that statement that rubs me the wrong way, and I see I'm not the only person who feels that way.

In any case, OP, I went to school with a classmate who adopted a child as a 30 something, larger-figured woman. She did meet someone shortly after and he also adopted her child and they went on to have a bio child, but sadly they did divorce several years ago.

[Anonymous]

People are not anti adoption, they are anti adoption for the reasons OP gave in her post.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m starting to think that marriage just may not be in the cards for me and even if it is, it’ll be too late for me to have kids when I finally do meet someone. I’m 33, decent career but I only make 150k & that isn’t much in terms of cost of living around here.

Is it totally crazy that I’m thinking about potentially adopting at this age? FWIW I’m overweight...have been my whole life ..have lost and gained weight my entire life (@ my usual size 16 now) and refuse to settle for someone who makes less than me, thus why I am single (I’m not naive, i know most successful men want nothing to do with overweight).

Am i jumping the gun and will this make my chances of finding someone even worse?

If this is your attitude in finding somebody you love, I'd advise against you adopting at all.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why would you reject men that make less than you? A guy who sits around his mom’s house playing video games, sure, skip...but you’d pass on a great guy who is a high school history teacher making 60-70k in a nice secure job with good benefits and decent quality of life? I think you really need to do some difficult thinking. A lot of great, smart people don’t make 150k especially in their early to mid 30s.

Exactly! A couple of my male friends are teachers, and they all seem to be great dads (and they're fun, smart, cute guys - I think that the women who married them did quite well for themselves). I know that none of these guys make $100k, but those families are managing - plus they have great benefits and have the summers and school breaks off to spend with kids - most working families go through a lot of stress trying to cover school breaks, so this is a phenomenal benefit for 2-parent working families.

Why on earth would OP deliberately rule this sort of guy out? OP seems to prefer to stick to a somewhat shallow measure of success rather than be open to a life-partner who would have a lot to offer both her and the kiddos. I think that this sort of mindset is a bigger barrier (for both dating AND for eventual good parenting) than her weight.

Writing as another plus-sized woman.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why would you reject men that make less than you? A guy who sits around his mom’s house playing video games, sure, skip...but you’d pass on a great guy who is a high school history teacher making 60-70k in a nice secure job with good benefits and decent quality of life? I think you really need to do some difficult thinking. A lot of great, smart people don’t make 150k especially in their early to mid 30s.

It doesn’t benefit a woman to marry a man who makes significantly less than she does.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why would you reject men that make less than you? A guy who sits around his mom’s house playing video games, sure, skip...but you’d pass on a great guy who is a high school history teacher making 60-70k in a nice secure job with good benefits and decent quality of life? I think you really need to do some difficult thinking. A lot of great, smart people don’t make 150k especially in their early to mid 30s.

It doesn’t benefit a woman to marry a man who makes significantly less than she does.

Wow, this is super sexist.

My husband is more than just a paycheck.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why would you reject men that make less than you? A guy who sits around his mom’s house playing video games, sure, skip...but you’d pass on a great guy who is a high school history teacher making 60-70k in a nice secure job with good benefits and decent quality of life? I think you really need to do some difficult thinking. A lot of great, smart people don’t make 150k especially in their early to mid 30s.

It doesn’t benefit a woman to marry a man who makes significantly less than she does.

Wow, this is super sexist.

My husband is more than just a paycheck.

Yup super sexist, but it sounds like that is how OP thinks when she says marrying somebody with a lower salary is "settling". She's making it sound like marriage is a purely financial transaction.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why would you reject men that make less than you? A guy who sits around his mom’s house playing video games, sure, skip...but you’d pass on a great guy who is a high school history teacher making 60-70k in a nice secure job with good benefits and decent quality of life? I think you really need to do some difficult thinking. A lot of great, smart people don’t make 150k especially in their early to mid 30s.

It doesn’t benefit a woman to marry a man who makes significantly less than she does.

It benefited me, and it's a huge benefit to our child, who has a parent around with a flexible, steady job (as opposed to my stressful, crazy hours, more precarious job), and gets to grow up in a household with parents modeling a healthy relationship based on love and mutual respect rather than a financial transaction.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why would you reject men that make less than you? A guy who sits around his mom’s house playing video games, sure, skip...but you’d pass on a great guy who is a high school history teacher making 60-70k in a nice secure job with good benefits and decent quality of life? I think you really need to do some difficult thinking. A lot of great, smart people don’t make 150k especially in their early to mid 30s.

It doesn’t benefit a woman to marry a man who makes significantly less than she does.

I’d have to agree

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why would you reject men that make less than you? A guy who sits around his mom’s house playing video games, sure, skip...but you’d pass on a great guy who is a high school history teacher making 60-70k in a nice secure job with good benefits and decent quality of life? I think you really need to do some difficult thinking. A lot of great, smart people don’t make 150k especially in their early to mid 30s.

It doesn’t benefit a woman to marry a man who makes significantly less than she does.

Holy testicles, what year is it??

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Well, first I’d change your ridiculous money standards for a relationship. That’s just asinine.

She's getting exactly what she deserves.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
Wow, this is super sexist.

My husband is more than just a paycheck.

This is how *most* women think--that men are ATMs.

Isn't equality great?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
Wow, this is super sexist.

My husband is more than just a paycheck.

This is how *most* women think--that men are ATMs.

Isn't equality great?

I don’t see the issue with a woman wanting to be with someone who can afford an equal lifestyle?

[Anonymous]

First, Weight Loss Surgery for permanent weight loss

Second, after the weight loss, decided if you still want to pursue single motherhood.

If you do, great, you will have far more energy and be in better heath for you child.

[Anonymous]

I wouldn't adopt at your age. I also wouldn't freeze your eggs if you know you'll prefer to adopt if you're going to be a single parent.

Also, I'd closely examine your perspective. Size 16 is plus size, but is not morbidly obese. It's a fairly common size in the grand scheme of things. Do you know no women who've dated successfully at that size? Because I do. And some have married successful men who make $150+. However, these guys might be balding, or bigger dudes themselves. Are you refusing to settle for anything but a well-off guy who looks like a fitness model? Or are you just after a smart, ambitious professional who may or may not have a physique similar to yours?