Adoption at 33

[Anonymous]

I’m starting to think that marriage just may not be in the cards for me and even if it is, it’ll be too late for me to have kids when I finally do meet someone. I’m 33, decent career but I only make 150k & that isn’t much in terms of cost of living around here.

Is it totally crazy that I’m thinking about potentially adopting at this age? FWIW I’m overweight...have been my whole life ..have lost and gained weight my entire life (@ my usual size 16 now) and refuse to settle for someone who makes less than me, thus why I am single (I’m not naive, i know most successful men want nothing to do with overweight).

Am i jumping the gun and will this make my chances of finding someone even worse?

[Anonymous]

$150 is plenty to adopt and support a kid. Go for it.

[Anonymous]

Go for it. You won't lose out on the right kind of guy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:$150 is plenty to adopt and support a kid. Go for it.

Yes I have two kids and that’s my HHI. In DC. I think it’s great for you to think about.

[Anonymous]

I think you should wait, and open yourself up to more opportunities. I would not choose go into parenting alone, plus, you're still young and have time to have a baby.

[Anonymous]

Well, first I’d change your ridiculous money standards for a relationship. That’s just asinine.

[Anonymous]

If I understand correctly, your major concern about adopting is whether it will make it less likely to find and marry a man?

I think the primary concern should be whether you think you will be a good mother. How was your childhood? Did you have good parents and grow up in a non-dysfunctional family?

[Anonymous]

Freeze some eggs

Then try dating again. Maybe rethink your criteria. I personally think dads are very important. You still have time to try before making the jump into single parenting.

[Anonymous]

Go for it. Even if you start the process now, it could take years to actually happen.

Your other choice is to wait til you’re 35; if you don’t meet the guy you want to marry by then, then adopt as a single mother.

[Anonymous]

If you want to adopt and not give birth, you are really jumping the gun. You have years and years to do this in.

Go to therapy. Work on your weird fixation on income. It sounds a lot like a defensive mechanism, and it's not serving you well.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If you want to adopt and not give birth, you are really jumping the gun. You have years and years to do this in.

Go to therapy. Work on your weird fixation on income. It sounds a lot like a defensive mechanism, and it's not serving you well.

This.

Also, for the record, I met my DH at a size 24 and age 38. He makes a lot more than I do. I had a baby at 41. I think you have a weird fixation on income and on your own weight, which at size 16 is not exceptional. At that size I dated plenty of hot guys.

Why on earth would you adopt someone else’s infant rather than having your own, either way? (Unless you had a calling to adopt from foster care, not that it sounds like you do.)

[Anonymous]

Please don’t raise a child with your level of insecurity. Work on that first.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Go for it. Even if you start the process now, it could take years to actually happen.

Your other choice is to wait til you’re 35; if you don’t meet the guy you want to marry by then, then adopt as a single mother.

+1. My “wait until” age was 40. It happened when I was 44. Wish I had started when I was your age, since health issues for me have been creeping in. So, so happy with my kid, but...it would be nice to be younger. (Ha, doesn't everyone say that??)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If I understand correctly, your major concern about adopting is whether it will make it less likely to find and marry a man?

I think the primary concern should be whether you think you will be a good mother. How was your childhood? Did you have good parents and grow up in a non-dysfunctional family?

This. Take a year off dating and wanting a baby to work on your emotional health. Then reevaluate.

[Anonymous]

As a 35yo single mom, I’d suggest waiting a few more years. Dating with a newly adopted kid will be much more challenging to navigate.