Adoption at 33

[Anonymous]

I was sympathetic until your last line and question. Please re-evaluate.

[Anonymous]

Do NOT wait. I had a baby at 39 and it’s exhausting and I’m now 44 and haven’t been able to have a second. I think it’s fine to want a man who makes a good income but setting a hard line at 150k is weird. The bigger issue is your weight. You are going to have a very hard time meeting someone as a size 16. Also are you pursuing adoption through foster care? Are you prepared for a child who will have high needs due to neglect or abuse? A child of a different race? If you want a healthy white infant assume you will be spending closer to 65k. Single and overweight isn’t going to make you a popular candidate to a lot of birth mothers so you will a national search. Cheaper and easier to get a sperm donation and try through IUI or IVF.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Do NOT wait. I had a baby at 39 and it’s exhausting and I’m now 44 and haven’t been able to have a second. I think it’s fine to want a man who makes a good income but setting a hard line at 150k is weird. The bigger issue is your weight. You are going to have a very hard time meeting someone as a size 16. Also are you pursuing adoption through foster care? Are you prepared for a child who will have high needs due to neglect or abuse? A child of a different race? If you want a healthy white infant assume you will be spending closer to 65k. Single and overweight isn’t going to make you a popular candidate to a lot of birth mothers so you will a national search. Cheaper and easier to get a sperm donation and try through IUI or IVF.

Myth.

The birth mother of my kid was 40. The birth father was 46. Healthy white Caucasian newborn.

Look to the southern states.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you want to adopt and not give birth, you are really jumping the gun. You have years and years to do this in.

Go to therapy. Work on your weird fixation on income. It sounds a lot like a defensive mechanism, and it's not serving you well.

This.

Also, for the record, I met my DH at a size 24 and age 38. He makes a lot more than I do. I had a baby at 41. I think you have a weird fixation on income and on your own weight, which at size 16 is not exceptional. At that size I dated plenty of hot guys.

Why on earth would you adopt someone else’s infant rather than having your own, either way? (Unless you had a calling to adopt from foster care, not that it sounds like you do.)

Oh.
My.
God.

[Anonymous]

My DH was 38 when we met, 40 when we married and wasn't making $150k. He is making signoficantly more now, + my income, we are very comfortable with 2 kids.

[Anonymous]

NP, i think you should focus on the suggestion to freeze eggs now. Do a few accumulation cycles, but maybe first work to drop 10% body weight. I think you'll have better results from the meds. Good luck. Being a mom is great however you get there. If you have eggs, you can buy some frozen sperm whenever you're ready. Or, if you are ready now, start three iui cycles like folks mentioned.

[Anonymous]

Have a baby now. Really. You won't regret it.

[Anonymous]

Gotta love the anti adoption brigade

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you want to adopt and not give birth, you are really jumping the gun. You have years and years to do this in.

Go to therapy. Work on your weird fixation on income. It sounds a lot like a defensive mechanism, and it's not serving you well.

This.

Also, for the record, I met my DH at a size 24 and age 38. He makes a lot more than I do. I had a baby at 41. I think you have a weird fixation on income and on your own weight, which at size 16 is not exceptional. At that size I dated plenty of hot guys.

Why on earth would you adopt someone else’s infant rather than having your own, either way? (Unless you had a calling to adopt from foster care, not that it sounds like you do.)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you want to adopt and not give birth, you are really jumping the gun. You have years and years to do this in.

Go to therapy. Work on your weird fixation on income. It sounds a lot like a defensive mechanism, and it's not serving you well.

This.

Also, for the record, I met my DH at a size 24 and age 38. He makes a lot more than I do. I had a baby at 41. I think you have a weird fixation on income and on your own weight, which at size 16 is not exceptional. At that size I dated plenty of hot guys.

Why on earth would you adopt someone else’s infant rather than having your own, either way? (Unless you had a calling to adopt from foster care, not that it sounds like you do.)

Oh.
My.
God.

I know. PP may have had a size 24 in clothes but definitely has a 00 sized heart.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m starting to think that marriage just may not be in the cards for me and even if it is, it’ll be too late for me to have kids when I finally do meet someone. I’m 33, decent career but I only make 150k & that isn’t much in terms of cost of living around here.

Is it totally crazy that I’m thinking about potentially adopting at this age? FWIW I’m overweight...have been my whole life ..have lost and gained weight my entire life (@ my usual size 16 now) and refuse to settle for someone who makes less than me, thus why I am single (I’m not naive, i know most successful men want nothing to do with overweight).

Am i jumping the gun and will this make my chances of finding someone even worse?

This is your primary concern? Lowering your chances of finding a man? I can think of a half dozen more important concerns when deciding on having a child.

However the good news is that given you are shallow, it is ridiculously difficult to adopt as a single person, unless you want to take on a host of issues and in that case the kid might be better off with you than without.

[Anonymous]

For those of you telling her to wait, keep in mind that there are age restrictions on adoptions as well, and restrictions on single women adopting internationally. My 40 something year old friend ran up against some of these obstacles several years ago, and was finally able to successfully adopt a girl, after a lengthy and expensive process.

[Anonymous]

I wouldn't adopt at 33. I would keep dating and preserve that option for later if you still want it.

I adopted healthy infants at 38 and 40, without unreasonable expense or delays.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you want to adopt and not give birth, you are really jumping the gun. You have years and years to do this in.

Go to therapy. Work on your weird fixation on income. It sounds a lot like a defensive mechanism, and it's not serving you well.

This.

Also, for the record, I met my DH at a size 24 and age 38. He makes a lot more than I do. I had a baby at 41. I think you have a weird fixation on income and on your own weight, which at size 16 is not exceptional. At that size I dated plenty of hot guys.

Why on earth would you adopt someone else’s infant rather than having your own, either way? (Unless you had a calling to adopt from foster care, not that it sounds like you do.)

Oh.
My.
God.

I know. PP may have had a size 24 in clothes but definitely has a 00 sized heart.

Why are you all casting aspersions on the first PP? Did you choose to adopt instead of having a baby (knowing that you had no fertility issues)? The vast majority of people choose to have a baby unless it turns out they can't. It's cheaper, usually quicker, and you don't have to worry about a bunch of issues that come with building your family through adoption. I say this as an adoptive mom who totally loves my kids. But yeah, I tried to have one biologically first. Didn't most of you?

[Anonymous]

Why would you reject men that make less than you? A guy who sits around his mom’s house playing video games, sure, skip...but you’d pass on a great guy who is a high school history teacher making 60-70k in a nice secure job with good benefits and decent quality of life? I think you really need to do some difficult thinking. A lot of great, smart people don’t make 150k especially in their early to mid 30s.