He told me he has a crush on someone else?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How long have you been together? It's one thing to tell a spouse about a crush, but a boyfriend telling you is a red flag.

It’ll be 2 years next month. We’ve talked about a future dtogether. I thought about marrying him. I thought we were on the same page. He says nothing has changed. That he still sees a future with me. Nothing has happened between them. He just has a crush and is thinking about her more than he should. We did go through a rough patch around July about his mother, but that has worked out.

[Anonymous]

Why are wasting time with this jerk?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why are wasting time with this jerk?

Because I love him and he’s not a jerk

[Anonymous]

Need more info. How did this come up? If you interrogated him and he was honest, you need to learn to stop asking dumb questions unless you want dumb answers.

[Anonymous]

Way back when I was 27, I admitted to my boyfriend I had kissed another guy. The truth was that I had a big crush on other guy. Boyfriend, who was assuming we might get married, blew if off, saying it was natural to be attracted to others, etc. Guilt and confusion led me to confess. I remained faithful for another year, but the truth was that I wasn't sure I was really, truly in love with my bf. We had spent the summer apart and I was fine without him. A year and many doubts later, I unceremoniously dumped him (to this day I regret how I did it, he deserved better and I was immature, selfish). But in retrospect the crush and telling him was a way of communicating to myself as much as him that I wasn't sure about "us."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Need more info. How did this come up? If you interrogated him and he was honest, you need to learn to stop asking dumb questions unless you want dumb answers.

He just told me we were together and he told me he needed to tell me something but please not to be hurt or upset. He wanted to be honest.

[Anonymous]

Something is wrong there. He may be running a mind game on you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Need more info. How did this come up? If you interrogated him and he was honest, you need to learn to stop asking dumb questions unless you want dumb answers.

He just told me we were together and he told me he needed to tell me something but please not to be hurt or upset. He wanted to be honest.

Was this out of the blue? Do you ever express jealousy?

[Anonymous]

OP- at best your guy is weak, and at worst he's a coward. You don't provide that "crush" information- it's an unnecessary hurt and burden to the person you love.
I had a work place crush - guy looked just like a young Jason Isaacs, but taller + he was a brilliant scientist. I sure the heck did not tell my DH--I'll take it to my grave.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Might this be his immature way of telling you he’d like you to put more effort into your appearance?

OMFG, this is why the sexist, blamecasting culture of our country drives women freaking crazy. NO. He is not telling you about his crush in the hopes that you would “put more effort into yourself”! What kind of f’d up nonsense is that? He’s being an ass. Don’t try and stop to figure out why - why he is an ass is not your responsibility to identify or fix.

Dump him. Move along. Be grateful that you saw his true colors before you were living together, married or had kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why are wasting time with this jerk?

Because I love him and he’s not a jerk

You love the person you thought he was. You thought he was not a jerk, but his actions show otherwise. Now that his behavior has shown you his true self, what are you going to do- Believe him when he shows you the person he truly is OR keep pretending that he is who you think he is?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why are wasting time with this jerk?

Because I love him and he’s not a jerk

Well then he’s just an idiot - or at the very least, he made an idiot move. Now he can feel better about the crush he’s harboring while you’re left feeling worried and insecure. You said it yourself - you thought everything was going fine, and now you don’t. Every time he leaves for work, you’re going to think of her. Lovely.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why are wasting time with this jerk?

Because I love him and he’s not a jerk

Actually, he's just being honest. He loves you but has a crush on another person who is around him every day. Maybe being honest can help him work through it. Being honest can hurt sometimes but having a real crush can be kind of debilitating. Now you will know why he's acting weird. I would ask him what is he going to do about his crush ... Is he going to hit on her? Does she have a significant other and this is just a fantasy? If a couple can really be this honest and open there is potential for a really deep and close life together. Most couples that hide stuff have a awkward separation at the deepest levels.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why are wasting time with this jerk?

Because I love him and he’s not a jerk

Actually, he's just being honest. He loves you but has a crush on another person who is around him every day. Maybe being honest can help him work through it. Being honest can hurt sometimes but having a real crush can be kind of debilitating. Now you will know why he's acting weird. I would ask him what is he going to do about his crush ... Is he going to hit on her? Does she have a significant other and this is just a fantasy? If a couple can really be this honest and open there is potential for a really deep and close life together. Most couples that hide stuff have a awkward separation at the deepest levels.

It's truly possible to love two people. But a crush isn't love.. It's infatuation and the person of interest is not really known.

[Anonymous]

Read the book "He's Just Not That Into You." He wouldn't develop a crush on someone else if he were that into you. I'm sorry, but I don't think it's going to work out for you. It's best to get out now before you get more hurt.