If you are very happily married w kids 10+ yrs , tell what you think is the main that makes it work.

[Anonymous]

We both came from middle class families with both sets of parents married and very happy so the happy family life foundation was well set. We both got very good educations right through graduate school and then we started our careers. We were good friends for a few years before we got together so we knew each other very well and really liked each other before romance ever happened. We waited a few years before we had children and that gave us time to be a couple and really think about the future we wanted. We always supported each others career goals even mine which changed quite frequently once we had children. Family was always #1 for both of us even though my DH was on an incredibly fast career track. The good friendship we had before we got involved has always been the glue to our relationship and a great sex life has also helped. Married 27 years.

[Anonymous]

It really doesn't matter what works for us, is important what works for you. You don't sound very warm or positive about him. Time for you both to move on if he is not willing to work at the marriage. Find your own happiness.

[Anonymous]

This is 100% his problem, not your's, and every douchebag DH who can't handle the everyday stresses of life. I know a "man" who left his wife and their SN child because he couldn't handle that anymore. She has always been the breadwinner and the main caregiver. All he knew how to do was runaway from the problems. My sister was also married to a man who couldn't handle the normal things like being a father, husband and working. Losers, the lot of them.

Yes, I am angry for her and for all you moms who are working your tails off to support your children.

I'm so thankful I'm married to a wonderful man who does it all. Otherwise I think I'd be a true man-hater after seeing so many women know be married to losers.

Married 15 years -- two kids. The thing that works is that we are both committed to this relationship and family. We've had our ups/downs, especially once the kids were born. But now that they are 9 and 12, and we cut back on the col to be more financially free, our lives are stress free and pretty great. We were just saying to each other the other day how spoiled we are. We sometimes get to sleep in on the weekends and have morning sex, which I much prefer.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:LSD is kind of a big deal. I would fight pretty hard to keep my marriage in tact and not have to split custody with someone who is actively using (not to mention whoever he chooses to date).

Wouldn't she be able to get full custody if she could prove he is doing lsd?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:LSD is kind of a big deal. I would fight pretty hard to keep my marriage in tact and not have to split custody with someone who is actively using (not to mention whoever he chooses to date).

Wouldn't she be able to get full custody if she could prove he is doing lsd?

I don’t know. How do you prove that?

[Anonymous]

It sounds like he's having a mid-life crisis a bit young. I can't really say you did anything wrong.

[Anonymous]

Through all the ups and downs of child rearing, careers etc. etc. my DH has always remained my closest friend and he has always had my back and I've had his. I think it has helped that we are both very independent and low maintenance and our priorities and values have always been well aligned despite him being a republican and me a democrat! Actually, I think were both close to being Libertarians.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Teens divorcing after 20 years of marriage...we had a good life and DH has blown it up with his mid-life crisis that raised its ugly head about six months ago. He doesn’t want to be tied to a schedule according to him....things like being home for the kids is apparently no longer something he wants to do.

This is OP, your situation sounds like mine. I just feel utter confusion. I also think I'm supposed to be more mad at him but I feel more of the emotion of confusion and sadness honestly.

For the poster on the family life he grew up with, I do think this is a part of our situation. His family was extremely dysfunctional and I thought he was the example of pulling yourself up by your bootstraps but now I feel like even after so many years on a different path, when it got too hard it was just easy to fall back to their type of lifestyle with all responsibility removed than to keep pushing through the not so fun part.

I guess the moral of that story is really its about who you choose from the beginning not how well you do during. I'm not perfect, I nag, I yell sometimes and can be bossy but I never thought we had problems that would mean he would just dump me and the life we built.

It's so depressing. I would also not quit, even now if he'd just go to counseling with me and work on it. I feel pathetic.

Pp here with four kids. What does your husband do for a living? I ended up reporting my husbands drug use to his employer, and he was forced into rehab. He came out with a very different perspective on what was important in life, what he was able to handle, and how to ask for help. Is that a possibility for you guys?

That's like calling the cops on your ... wait you basically did just that.... Why would you get your husband in trouble?

[Anonymous]

I've been married almost 20 with two kids, ages 13 and 14. There are a few things that have helped our marriage work. 1) My spouse is a happy, kind, easy to get along with, does his share of the work, good partner and good parent, faithful and very forgiving. 2) luck 3) I am a good friend and partner to him.........but mostly, he deserves the credit.

We're good friends. We have our issues. Sex is problematic for us. But we keep trying to be loving to each other.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I got married at age 23 to DH, 28. We have kids 7 and 5, and we had a very difficult time early on in our marriage. 11 years later we are very happy and in love because we just accept each other unconditionally, both good and bad. That’s literally it. We don’t have a lot in common or an amazing sex life or tons of money. We just like and love each other.

How did you get to that point? DW is very critical of me, things I don't do right, not making enough money, etc. I wish she would accept me for who I am, instead of focusing of what I am not

[Anonymous]

DH is hard working and kind. Pretty sure that's why our marriage works. I'm also the same, but that seems more common in women than men. All of my friends complain about lazy husbands who aren't good fathers or husbands so I'm very thankful for DH

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:He sounds immature, unkind, and ungrateful and I'm guessing when you work it out in therapy, it will become clear he always had those character traits (even when grading him on a curve for age, since it seems like you got together when young).
Character counts. Hard eyeroll to the dimwit who thinks it's emasculating for a woman to bring more income to a household, yet it's not unmanly to walk out on a family and go be a kid again.

This.

It's not you...it's him.

But to answer your question:

1. DH and I truly love eachother and are best friends.
2. We decided at the outset that we were in it for the long haul. The fact that our parents were happily married increased our odds for marital stability.
3. DH isn't selfish. He's a giver. A provider. And an all around decent, moral guy. Some girls would overlook him because he is a "nice guy." I strategically sought out a good guy.
4. DH is healthy and would never do drugs. Never. Again: I picked a good guy, not a reckless party animal.
5. DH is a family guy. Our kids and their happiness is his priority. He thinks deadbeat dads are losers. Again: you can usually find a nice guy with these basic values.
6. We prioritize intimacy in order to maintain our connection. I think this is key to a happy marriage.
7. We are partners. 50-50. I currently earn twice his salary, but in the past he has been the breadwinner. Since we're a team and all the money goes into a joint account, it doesn't matter. If you play tit for tat, you will be miserable.

[Anonymous]

OP, it sounds like the problem in your marriage is actually the drugs. I'm not sure you can have a truly happy marriage with an addict. They love the high more than anything or anyone else.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, it sounds like the problem in your marriage is actually the drugs. I'm not sure you can have a truly happy marriage with an addict. They love the high more than anything or anyone else.

This.

And sadly, these stats will increase as more states legalize pot and newbies get hooked and check out of adult responsibility.

[Anonymous]

You should smoke pot with him and stop being so uptight. With all the harpies in this thread it's no wonder meet want to drop out in middle age. Chillax, ladies!