What point do you stop putting up with crazy teen behavior

[Anonymous]

OP you really need family therapy. therapeutic camp? military boarding school? NO.
He is a normal teenager with some anxiety issues (get him help for that, please) and lashing out when you took his lifeline - and yes, for teenagers, their phone is their lifeline to the world in a way that is difficult for people who came of age at a different time comprehend.

You need family therapy to change this dynamic.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:PP how old are your kids? In MD it is IMPOSSIBLE to get a license on the day your turn 16. There are many hoops and requirements that have to be cleared and scheduled ahead of time. As a result of the extensive requirements and the prevalence of Uber, many kids wait until summer or spring break to schedule the required classes and private driving instruction. I’d guess half of today’s teens are closer to 17 than 16 by the time they get their license. Very different from when I turned 16.

In MD, the earliest you can get a learners permit is 15 yrs, 9 mos. Then you need to hold the learners permit for at least 9 mos, as well as complete some other required tasks, before you can try for your drivers license. The earliest that a MD teen can drive solo is 16 yrs 6 mos.

[Anonymous]

Grow a backbone.... the minute he yelled at mom should have been the minute he had a fist in his mouth...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Grow a backbone.... the minute he yelled at mom should have been the minute he had a fist in his mouth...

Is that how you bring up kids in your family nice, that's a good way of developing youth for jail

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Grow a backbone.... the minute he yelled at mom should have been the minute he had a fist in his mouth...

Great plan. Any teacher or school employee who hears about it would have to report it. You would be investigated by social services and have to take a parenting class. Same for slapping teens in the face, too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This sort of outburst is not unusable at this age. I remember your prior post and you just need to stay the course. Let him rage and see that it has no impact. Get therapy for yourselves to support you and then eventually you may need to involve your son. Hang in there. PP is right, stand firm for weeks before deciding it’s not working. The reaction you got is exactly what would be expected from a kid the first time you dish out calm consequences. Let him know you love him but not his choices, so consequences.

Yes, it is. OP's son sounds mentally unstable. I would talk to the pediatrician. This is not typical behavior of a teen. My teens (16 year old boy/girl twins) aren't perfect but neither has ever spoken to or behaved in the manner describes to me or my husband. My son has ADHD and school is difficult for him. Although he's no angel, he is generally well behaved, respectful and compliant. OP, please get your son some professional help. He can't behave like this in society. He is two years away from adulthood. Do it before he is an adult and you lose the opportunity.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This sort of outburst is not unusable at this age. I remember your prior post and you just need to stay the course. Let him rage and see that it has no impact. Get therapy for yourselves to support you and then eventually you may need to involve your son. Hang in there. PP is right, stand firm for weeks before deciding it’s not working. The reaction you got is exactly what would be expected from a kid the first time you dish out calm consequences. Let him know you love him but not his choices, so consequences.

Yes, it is. OP's son sounds mentally unstable. I would talk to the pediatrician. This is not typical behavior of a teen. My teens (16 year old boy/girl twins) aren't perfect but neither has ever spoken to or behaved in the manner describes to me or my husband. My son has ADHD and school is difficult for him. Although he's no angel, he is generally well behaved, respectful and compliant. OP, please get your son some professional help. He can't behave like this in society. He is two years away from adulthood. Do it before he is an adult and you lose the opportunity.

Agreed, this is NOT normal. I wonder if the posters who think it is have ever actually had to contend with a teen male raging out like this? It is horribly frightening for the entire family. He is terrorizing his family.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I posted the other day about teen with behavior issues at home. We had a chat and things were good for a few days, until this morning. Today, he started off by asking his mother for some chain he wants to wear, and shouting at her to buy it immediately.

There is nothing--NOTHING--about your son's behavior that is unusual. What is unusual is how happy you are to escalate every interaction with him.

Here's a little Teen 101 for you, useful for most conversations.

What you/DW should have done when DS started shouting: Calmly, "DS, I am not going to talk to someone who is shouting at me." or "I'm happy to talk to you about this when you stop shouting."

Repeat once or twice if necessary. If shouting doesn't stop, WALK AWAY. Don't engage.

If shouting does stop: Engage in conversation about the chain. Listen politely to his interest in the chain. Ask polite questions about the chain, just because you are interested in the way he is thinking about things, because he is your son and you are supposed to find him interesting. "Hmm, how come you want one of those?" "Huh. I don't see many men wearing chains like that. When/where would you wear it?" "I have noticed that athletes/musicians sometimes wear chains." You know, CONVERSATION.

After you have engaged in polite conversation with your loved one about something that interests him, you can offer your opinion if you feel you must. (Although opinions don't always have to be offered!!) "I have to admit, I'm not really a fan of chains like that." Maybe you even have a reason: "Since you play sports so much, I would worry you might get it caught on something and get hurt." or "Maybe it's silly, but I worry that other adults might judge you harshly if you wore a chain."

Then depending on the seriousness of the topic, you can acknowledge that reasonable people can disagree. "But I can see why it might appeal to you." "But I know I'm probably being old fashioned." (For something really serious you might say, "I know not everyone agrees with me, but I feel strongly about this.")

Then state your verdict. Calmly, without being judgmental. "Well, I have to be honest, that's not something I want to spend money on."

Then, recognizing that IT IS HIS BODY and HE IS NOT YOU, NOR IS HE A REFLECTION OF YOU and YOUR PERMISSION IS NOT LEGALLY REQUIRED FOR CHAIN-WEARING and CHAINS ARE LEGAL, SAFE, AND A REVERSIBLE CONDITION, you should do the opposite of forbidding something as ridiculously benign as a chain and say, "You should save up for it if it is something you really want."

At this point, I am wondering who can I get involved for outside help. It is clear he needs therapy, but he won't consent to it by himself. Should we call his pediatrics office, may be they have resources. But again I am sure he will refuse to come for any appointments. What other resources are available for clearly troubled teens like this.

I agree that you may need outside help, but I would get it for you and DW, not for DS (at least not yet). You need to learn how to interact positively with a teenager. Once you have attended to your own issues, you will be able to diffuse the tension at home. That should help improve his behavior significantly. If it doesn't, then it's time to think about therapy for him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This sort of outburst is not unusable at this age. I remember your prior post and you just need to stay the course. Let him rage and see that it has no impact. Get therapy for yourselves to support you and then eventually you may need to involve your son. Hang in there. PP is right, stand firm for weeks before deciding it’s not working. The reaction you got is exactly what would be expected from a kid the first time you dish out calm consequences. Let him know you love him but not his choices, so consequences.

Yes, it is. OP's son sounds mentally unstable. I would talk to the pediatrician. This is not typical behavior of a teen. My teens (16 year old boy/girl twins) aren't perfect but neither has ever spoken to or behaved in the manner describes to me or my husband. My son has ADHD and school is difficult for him. Although he's no angel, he is generally well behaved, respectful and compliant. OP, please get your son some professional help. He can't behave like this in society. He is two years away from adulthood. Do it before he is an adult and you lose the opportunity.

But OP has been clear that his DS doesn't behave like this in society. It appears the only place he behaves like this is at home.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Grow a backbone.... the minute he yelled at mom should have been the minute he had a fist in his mouth...

Is that how you bring up kids in your family nice, that's a good way of developing youth for jail

Wrong. It is the kid who has uncontrollable temper outbursts who is heading for jail. His father is keeping him out of jail if he teaches the boy = using whatever methods are necessary - to control himself.

The problem is that the boy is only acting like this because, for many years now, his father has been a spineless pussy who tolerated disrespect from his son. If you don't demand respect when the child is small, you certainly won't get it when his is a 6' tall teenager. You reap what you sow. But is is never too late to stop being a spineless pussy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This sort of outburst is not unusable at this age. I remember your prior post and you just need to stay the course. Let him rage and see that it has no impact. Get therapy for yourselves to support you and then eventually you may need to involve your son. Hang in there. PP is right, stand firm for weeks before deciding it’s not working. The reaction you got is exactly what would be expected from a kid the first time you dish out calm consequences. Let him know you love him but not his choices, so consequences.

Yes, it is. OP's son sounds mentally unstable. I would talk to the pediatrician. This is not typical behavior of a teen. My teens (16 year old boy/girl twins) aren't perfect but neither has ever spoken to or behaved in the manner describes to me or my husband. My son has ADHD and school is difficult for him. Although he's no angel, he is generally well behaved, respectful and compliant. OP, please get your son some professional help. He can't behave like this in society. He is two years away from adulthood. Do it before he is an adult and you lose the opportunity.

But OP has been clear that his DS doesn't behave like this in society. It appears the only place he behaves like this is at home.

Do you honestly think OP's son will be well behaved as an adult in society and respectful to everyone once he's out of the house and working a job? If someone says something he doesn't agree with or takes something of his, you think he won't drop the F-bomb? He needs help now.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This sort of outburst is not unusable at this age. I remember your prior post and you just need to stay the course. Let him rage and see that it has no impact. Get therapy for yourselves to support you and then eventually you may need to involve your son. Hang in there. PP is right, stand firm for weeks before deciding it’s not working. The reaction you got is exactly what would be expected from a kid the first time you dish out calm consequences. Let him know you love him but not his choices, so consequences.

Yes, it is. OP's son sounds mentally unstable. I would talk to the pediatrician. This is not typical behavior of a teen. My teens (16 year old boy/girl twins) aren't perfect but neither has ever spoken to or behaved in the manner describes to me or my husband. My son has ADHD and school is difficult for him. Although he's no angel, he is generally well behaved, respectful and compliant. OP, please get your son some professional help. He can't behave like this in society. He is two years away from adulthood. Do it before he is an adult and you lose the opportunity.

But OP has been clear that his DS doesn't behave like this in society. It appears the only place he behaves like this is at home.

Do you honestly think OP's son will be well behaved as an adult in society and respectful to everyone once he's out of the house and working a job? If someone says something he doesn't agree with or takes something of his, you think he won't drop the F-bomb? He needs help now.

??? I'm assuming he spends 8+ hours/day out of the house already. Is he able to get through the school day without dropping F-bombs? Then yes, I do think he will be able to behave in society.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This sort of outburst is not unusable at this age. I remember your prior post and you just need to stay the course. Let him rage and see that it has no impact. Get therapy for yourselves to support you and then eventually you may need to involve your son. Hang in there. PP is right, stand firm for weeks before deciding it’s not working. The reaction you got is exactly what would be expected from a kid the first time you dish out calm consequences. Let him know you love him but not his choices, so consequences.

Yes, it is. OP's son sounds mentally unstable. I would talk to the pediatrician. This is not typical behavior of a teen. My teens (16 year old boy/girl twins) aren't perfect but neither has ever spoken to or behaved in the manner describes to me or my husband. My son has ADHD and school is difficult for him. Although he's no angel, he is generally well behaved, respectful and compliant. OP, please get your son some professional help. He can't behave like this in society. He is two years away from adulthood. Do it before he is an adult and you lose the opportunity.

But OP has been clear that his DS doesn't behave like this in society. It appears the only place he behaves like this is at home.

Do you honestly think OP's son will be well behaved as an adult in society and respectful to everyone once he's out of the house and working a job? If someone says something he doesn't agree with or takes something of his, you think he won't drop the F-bomb? He needs help now.

??? I'm assuming he spends 8+ hours/day out of the house already. Is he able to get through the school day without dropping F-bombs? Then yes, I do think he will be able to behave in society.

He is polite outside, knows to respect authority, even when an adult (teachers / counselors / coaches) talks to him sternly. He did work last summer that required him to follow instructions and supervision, no issues. We are thinking anxiety and depression may be the reasons for these outburts, and we are getting help.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This sort of outburst is not unusable at this age. I remember your prior post and you just need to stay the course. Let him rage and see that it has no impact. Get therapy for yourselves to support you and then eventually you may need to involve your son. Hang in there. PP is right, stand firm for weeks before deciding it’s not working. The reaction you got is exactly what would be expected from a kid the first time you dish out calm consequences. Let him know you love him but not his choices, so consequences.

Yes, it is. OP's son sounds mentally unstable. I would talk to the pediatrician. This is not typical behavior of a teen. My teens (16 year old boy/girl twins) aren't perfect but neither has ever spoken to or behaved in the manner describes to me or my husband. My son has ADHD and school is difficult for him. Although he's no angel, he is generally well behaved, respectful and compliant. OP, please get your son some professional help. He can't behave like this in society. He is two years away from adulthood. Do it before he is an adult and you lose the opportunity.

But OP has been clear that his DS doesn't behave like this in society. It appears the only place he behaves like this is at home.

Do you honestly think OP's son will be well behaved as an adult in society and respectful to everyone once he's out of the house and working a job? If someone says something he doesn't agree with or takes something of his, you think he won't drop the F-bomb? He needs help now.

??? I'm assuming he spends 8+ hours/day out of the house already. Is he able to get through the school day without dropping F-bombs? Then yes, I do think he will be able to behave in society.

He is polite outside, knows to respect authority, even when an adult (teachers / counselors / coaches) talks to him sternly. He did work last summer that required him to follow instructions and supervision, no issues. We are thinking anxiety and depression may be the reasons for these outburts, and we are getting help.

If that is so, then it is obvious that you, his parents, have no authority over him and he does not respect you. THAT is the reason for his "outbursts", not some bullshit "anxiety and depression". You have not exerted your authority effectively in the past, or demanded his respect. This bodes ill for your ability to do so in the future, but it is not too late. However, my prediction is that since you have been flabby, weak parents for 16 years, you will take the path of least resistance and continue to be flabby, weak parents until he departs for college. Pathetic!

[Anonymous]

The issue is you have allowed it for many years and didn't put a stop to it early on. Its not something that will be fixed overnight.