The Sex Recession

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Lack of foreplay, no romance and no oral skills.

I think it was this article that said that men are generally more interested in giving oral sex than are women but women, due to body image issues, are much less likely to be comfortable receiving. So, in part, women need to figure out how to get out of their own heads and just enjoy that their guys want to go down.

I have heard this from friends - that they're not comfortable receiving and I have always thought that was crazy. If you're not receiving oral every time or most times you have sex, you are missing out, ladies!!!

Real men are into it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is so sad. I'm so thankful my DH seems to be only interested in the actual act of screwing my brains out and this has been going on for many years. Who needs toys, vibrators and porn when you've got body parts that really work? Am I a dinosaur?

We added a vibrator to our sex life a few years ago and it's been an amazing addition. I use it after a lot of foreplay and it really gets me going which then has big benefits for my DH.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is so sad. I'm so thankful my DH seems to be only interested in the actual act of screwing my brains out and this has been going on for many years. Who needs toys, vibrators and porn when you've got body parts that really work? Am I a dinosaur?

If you are, I am too! My favorite is oral though and you don't need any toys for that. Shrug.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's depressing to read that at 67 I'm having sex at least as often to the average of millennials. What's wrong with you kids?

Vibrators, masturbation, porn, electronics, stress, egalitarianism, less sexual abuse, an unwillingness to put up with painful sex, and a lot of other things according to the article.

No wonder they are all miserable.

Yes, because we need more sexual abuse and painful sex.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's depressing to read that at 67 I'm having sex at least as often to the average of millennials. What's wrong with you kids?

Porn has had a profound affect on men.

As a recovering porn addict whose marriage nearly ended over this, I agree.

+2. When I was dating, I could tell a huge difference between men who used porn and men who didn’t.

Now, if only we could get men to read a book on how women’s sexuality works.....

How? Curious.

[Anonymous]

Near daily here. Married 15 years. We use toys regularly with no ill effects, but are careful not to become desensitized.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Lack of foreplay, no romance and no oral skills.

I think it was this article that said that men are generally more interested in giving oral sex than are women but women, due to body image issues, are much less likely to be comfortable receiving. So, in part, women need to figure out how to get out of their own heads and just enjoy that their guys want to go down.

I have heard this from friends - that they're not comfortable receiving and I have always thought that was crazy. If you're not receiving oral every time or most times you have sex, you are missing out, ladies!!!

Real men are into it.

I'm not comfortable receiving it as I just have a hygiene issue about it even though I shower etc. My DH is more than willing to do it and I'm happy to go down on him so he doesn't complain.

[Anonymous]

Just anecdotally comparing my life (and my closest friends) to my parents (and their closest friends) -- i think we are good comparisons because we have similar demographics/economics (upper middle class suburbs of a major city):

- my mom didn't work. Her only responsibilities every day were to make our lunch and get us out the door and be in the house when we got home. We always walked or took a bus to school. She went to an aerobics class twice a week, followed by coffee. She did low stress volunteer things pretty consistently (think meals on wheels delivery). She was pretty actively involved in the church, with lots of women's groups, bible study etc, but most were social events. She was also in two daytime card groups. Most of her friends had pretty similar lives. The ones that worked were teachers who stopped working for 10 years for kids, and then when they went back, their days ended sharply at 3pm. No email from parents or evening work for elementary school teachers back then. Back then, being a teacher was the job you did because it didn't interfere with being a parent.
- my father traveled for work (75%) but when he was home, he was home and not really working much. He did zero childcare. His friends had more traditional 9-5 jobs. They were all home by 6pm without any family responsibilities. No email. Most of their jobs were pretty middle management and not super high stress. But they could afford today's $1m+ homes. Most had no fear of being laid off.
- Compare with us: DH and I both work (i want to; also couldn't afford the same neighborhood my parents lived in on one salary). We both work *much* higher up the totem jobs than my parents' upper middle class peers. We have much higher career stress than my parents' peers had, and.... email. We both work regularly after hours. Our commutes are longer.
- DS is in 1st grade, and has homework every night. That means I have homework every night. My mom never looked my homework in my life (i never had homework before say 3rd grade). His school also has constant volunteer and other in-class expectations (i.e., a monthly "your kids are going to present their book study on thursday 11am" and if you don't go, your kid will cry. Been there, seen it with other kids).
- DH works and also does childcare.
- DS has special needs that add a whole different level of stress for us. Special needs are far more common than 40 years ago, and schools have higher expectations of kids than 40 years ago that are less forgiving of special needs. End result is we have SO MANY friends struggling with the stress of special needs. This isn't just an increased diagnoses thing. My parents didn't know anyone with any real special needs kids.

We like our lives, and i don't want to stop working. But holy crap, we go through these waves (usually coinciding with when work or special needs amp up) and we are so tired for weeks or months at a time. I figure that my DH and I are both baseline stressed at a level that is higher than the most stressful day my mother ever had in her whole life. Seriously.

And that's why we have a lot less sex these days than we'd like to. (once to twice a week on average).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's depressing to read that at 67 I'm having sex at least as often to the average of millennials. What's wrong with you kids?

Porn has had a profound affect on men.

As a recovering porn addict whose marriage nearly ended over this, I agree.

+2. When I was dating, I could tell a huge difference between men who used porn and men who didn’t.

Now, if only we could get men to read a book on how women’s sexuality works.....

I think all men use/look at porn occasionally. Some maybe hardly ever, some way too much, the majority somewhere in between.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's depressing to read that at 67 I'm having sex at least as often to the average of millennials. What's wrong with you kids?

Porn has had a profound affect on men.

As a recovering porn addict whose marriage nearly ended over this, I agree.

+2. When I was dating, I could tell a huge difference between men who used porn and men who didn’t.

Now, if only we could get men to read a book on how women’s sexuality works.....

How? Curious.

Sometimes they can't get it up or show little interest in sex. I have a friend whose bf flat out told her he prefers porn and wouldn't be having sex with her anymore.

More often they just try to re-enact what they see in porn. So little to no foreplay, they rush to stick it in even when you protest, and are confused and disappointed when you don't have multiple screaming O's from 10 minutes of jackhammering. Oh, and they don't do oral or have terrible skills.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Lack of foreplay, no romance and no oral skills.

I think it was this article that said that men are generally more interested in giving oral sex than are women but women, due to body image issues, are much less likely to be comfortable receiving. So, in part, women need to figure out how to get out of their own heads and just enjoy that their guys want to go down.

I have heard this from friends - that they're not comfortable receiving and I have always thought that was crazy. If you're not receiving oral every time or most times you have sex, you are missing out, ladies!!!

Real men are into it.

Man here. I love it. DW climaxes best that way

[Anonymous]

I love getting and receiving oral. I am also, I guess, one of the rare women who can orgasm via penetration. In my 20s I had a boyfriend who was very patient and focused on me and my pleasure. He felt sex wasn't worth it if I wasn't enjoying it, too. That helped tremendously in making me more comfortable sexually. My partner is into being playful so we will meet at home for a midday quickie (eg, one of us will text something on a random day like, "lunch at home today?" with a sexy pic) which gets my engine going. And he's very affectionate, hugs and cuddles and kisses and holds hands and stuff that isn't about just trying to get sex.

[Anonymous]

Interesting how it says men are afraid to talk to women in public because #metoo and a guy talking to a strange woman in an elevator or at a bookstore would be seen as creepy. That's too bad -- I met many women that way when I was single. Barnes and Noble in Georgetown on a Friday evening was a great place to be!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Interesting how it says men are afraid to talk to women in public because #metoo and a guy talking to a strange woman in an elevator or at a bookstore would be seen as creepy. That's too bad -- I met many women that way when I was single. Barnes and Noble in Georgetown on a Friday evening was a great place to be!

I question that exaggeration. I have never experienced that in dc and don’t know any of my single friends that have.0

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Interesting how it says men are afraid to talk to women in public because #metoo and a guy talking to a strange woman in an elevator or at a bookstore would be seen as creepy. That's too bad -- I met many women that way when I was single. Barnes and Noble in Georgetown on a Friday evening was a great place to be!

I question that exaggeration. I have never experienced that in dc and don’t know any of my single friends that have.0

What exaggeration? The article specifically states that women said they'd find it creepy if a guy in an elevator started talking to them.