Anyone else still drinking?

[Anonymous]

I have suffered anxiety so I get it. Alcohol is a great coping strategy for anxious feelings and stress and it’s pretty acceptable, socially, unless you are pregnant. I loved my evening wine pre-pregnancy and I was resentful about giving it up during pregnancy when DH didn’t have to, but I pretty much did, save a few sips of wine and beer here and there because I missed the taste, and a few half beers in my last few weeks when i knew all the baby’s organs were formed. And I definitely drank when nursing and still continue to do so in moderation, so I am by no means a Puritan.

What concerns me about your post is that you don’t talk about any other coping habits for stress. Having a newborn, for most women, is a lot more stressful than being pregnant and you need coping skills beyond drinking with DH. Also, have you considered how you would feel about your drinking if anything was wrong with your baby after he or she is
Born? I know for me I didn’t want that guilt for the rest of my life to wonder “if only.” If you feel ashamed about your drinking or you are lying to your OB and only telling the truth on these boards, I think that’s a sign of a problem. Also, when you say 1.5–what do you mean exactly? Are you measuring your glasses out? Are you downplaying the actual amount? It seems that if you were 100 percent comfortable with your choices you would not be online seeking validation.

It sounds like you may need some more tools in your tooolkit for stress management and perhaps some reassessment of your relationship to alcohol and if it is serving you and your family well. I know for me at times I have gone cold turkey for a week or a month when I felt Iwas relying too heavily on wine to feel better about challenges in my life and always felt that doing that forced me to confront issues I was avoiding or stuffing down.

I may be reading into your post a bit, but I would ask yourself what issues are you stuffing down with alcohol? Is there a part of you that resents pregnancy? Are you and DH clinging onto drinking behaviors that are not things you can continue to do as parents of a young infant? Are clinging to an old way of life you feel sad about giving up? If alcohol is a big part of your child-free life, it can be hard to give up happy hours and boozy brunches and late night bar nights, etc.

For the best interests of yourself and your family, I’d urge you to explore your feelings around alcohol, parenting, and your relationship and work on coping skills for stress because birth and postpartum will test your limits much more than pregnancy will, and demand a great level of personal sacrifice. If you haven’t considered therapy to help you adjust to these big life changes and explore some of these topics, I would strongly encourage it instead of seeking validation for something you seek to know is not necessarily in you or your baby’s best interest.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am a person who frequently has a glass of wine throughout pregnancy (well not in the first tri because I am not intaking much of anything at all during that period).

So I'm not the kind of person to judge is what I'm saying.

But I think your language points to this being abnormal and concerning. I never thought of it as I was 'still drinking'. It was just having a glass of wine. Not with the intention to become tipsy or drunk or anything. Not with the intention of 'drinking' I guess. That word adds an element that is kind of concerning I think.

I also think that saying your husband 'misses a drinking buddy' is contributing towards it as well.

So the short answer is, there's nothing wrong with having a glass of wine or a beer or hell, a mint julep or something, occasionally during pregnancy. There is something wrong with taking a shot of vodka with the express purpose of drinking as a coping mechanism. More because it signals that YOU have a problem than that it will hurt the baby. But the reality is that if you have a problem, you're more likely to slip and drink way too much one night or three and actually hurt the baby. I never drank because I felt I needed to. If you feel like that is the reason you're drinking, you need to get that under control before baby comes, because its only going to get more stressful and your baby doesn't deserve an alcoholic mother.

+1. Having read Expecting Better, reviewed the studies its recommendations are based on and discussed with DH (who is a physician), I have one drink a week throughout the 2nd and 3rd trimesters. Usually a wine or a beer, occasionally a cocktail (though always a heavily mixed one; no martinis/manhattans/similar). There is no evidence at all that 0-5 units/week causes harm after the first trimester (and only extraordinarily limited evidence in the first trimester, linked to miscarriage risk rather than FAS/effects on a child who is born), so I am comfortable that my 1-2 units a week is fine... All of that said, the language you use in your post concerns me. How much are you drinking? Do you have other coping mechanisms? I view my drink/week as a nice treat, not something I need to handle my life. Be careful.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP I think people exaggerate on the alcohol thing, but it's hard to tell if you have an issue. Depending on how big a "serving" is, 1.5 servings a few times a week could be a lot in the 1st tri especially ... and people generally under-estimte how much they drink. If you could say honestly you had 1 white wine spritzer with 2 oz of wine about once a week ... no biggie. But if your "serving" is a giant 6oz glass of wine and you drink 3-4 nights/week ... that is a problem.

I don't like that your DH pressures you either.

I will tell you the truth, which is that I drank lightly (like 2oz of wine 2x/week) and would not do it again if I had another baby. It's a very short period of time, and my general parenting values (now that I have a kid) are to be very discerning and risk averse about my child's health.

What does this mean (bolded)?

I mean, I think they exaggerate on how bad truly light drinking is, given that there's no strong evidence for it being bad. The question is whether OP is actually engaged in "light drinking." https://systematicreviewsjournal.biomedcentral.com/articles/10.1186/2046-4053-3-1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP I think people exaggerate on the alcohol thing, but it's hard to tell if you have an issue. Depending on how big a "serving" is, 1.5 servings a few times a week could be a lot in the 1st tri especially ... and people generally under-estimte how much they drink. If you could say honestly you had 1 white wine spritzer with 2 oz of wine about once a week ... no biggie. But if your "serving" is a giant 6oz glass of wine and you drink 3-4 nights/week ... that is a problem.

I don't like that your DH pressures you either.

I will tell you the truth, which is that I drank lightly (like 2oz of wine 2x/week) and would not do it again if I had another baby. It's a very short period of time, and my general parenting values (now that I have a kid) are to be very discerning and risk averse about my child's health.

Ditto exactly to this. I drank a little bit during my first pregnancy - maybe a half glass of wine 10 or so different times. My current pregnancy I haven't had more than a sip or two - it just doesn't feel worth it. Your child is just an amorphous concept at this point, but priorities and viewpoints change once you become a parent and I hope you won't be feeling quite so cavalier. On that note, I wonder about how your husband will adjust to being a parent...he doesn't seem to realize that he's going to have to get used to the idea of some (less fun) lifestyle changes in coming years?

I actually had the opposite experience. With my first pregnancy, I was very strict about what I would and would not eat and drink. I basically completely restructured my diet from a person who spent A LOT of time at happy hour enjoying half price drinks and apps to a person who didn't eat anything fried, ate grocery stores out of broccoli and kale, stopped eating meat of any kind, and literally drank nothing but water for the 9 months I knew I was pregnant. During my second pregnancy, I continued drinking coffee throughout my pregnancy - not a lot, but a cup or two a day as directed by my OB to cope with fatigue. I went to three weddings while pregnant and had a glass of champagne at each one and didn't think twice about it. I tasted several beers my husband was drinking while I was pregnant (he likes weird new kinds of beer and I hadn't had these particular ones before). I told my OB all of this and she laughed and said that as far as she was concerned, three glasses of champagne and a few sips of beer doesn't even count as drinking.

If I had another baby and wanted a glass of wine or a beer, I would have no qualms whatsoever about having one standard serving of alcohol.

I do agree that OP's husband sounds like he has issues.

[Anonymous]

I'm a drinker who stopped drinking easily during pregnancies.

Your husband 'wanting someone to drink with,' despite your pregnancy, is about to be a father. This is majorly concerning.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP I think people exaggerate on the alcohol thing, but it's hard to tell if you have an issue. Depending on how big a "serving" is, 1.5 servings a few times a week could be a lot in the 1st tri especially ... and people generally under-estimte how much they drink. If you could say honestly you had 1 white wine spritzer with 2 oz of wine about once a week ... no biggie. But if your "serving" is a giant 6oz glass of wine and you drink 3-4 nights/week ... that is a problem.

I don't like that your DH pressures you either.

I will tell you the truth, which is that I drank lightly (like 2oz of wine 2x/week) and would not do it again if I had another baby. It's a very short period of time, and my general parenting values (now that I have a kid) are to be very discerning and risk averse about my child's health.

Ditto exactly to this. I drank a little bit during my first pregnancy - maybe a half glass of wine 10 or so different times. My current pregnancy I haven't had more than a sip or two - it just doesn't feel worth it. Your child is just an amorphous concept at this point, but priorities and viewpoints change once you become a parent and I hope you won't be feeling quite so cavalier. On that note, I wonder about how your husband will adjust to being a parent...he doesn't seem to realize that he's going to have to get used to the idea of some (less fun) lifestyle changes in coming years?

I actually had the opposite experience. With my first pregnancy, I was very strict about what I would and would not eat and drink. I basically completely restructured my diet from a person who spent A LOT of time at happy hour enjoying half price drinks and apps to a person who didn't eat anything fried, ate grocery stores out of broccoli and kale, stopped eating meat of any kind, and literally drank nothing but water for the 9 months I knew I was pregnant. During my second pregnancy, I continued drinking coffee throughout my pregnancy - not a lot, but a cup or two a day as directed by my OB to cope with fatigue. I went to three weddings while pregnant and had a glass of champagne at each one and didn't think twice about it. I tasted several beers my husband was drinking while I was pregnant (he likes weird new kinds of beer and I hadn't had these particular ones before). I told my OB all of this and she laughed and said that as far as she was concerned, three glasses of champagne and a few sips of beer doesn't even count as drinking.

If I had another baby and wanted a glass of wine or a beer, I would have no qualms whatsoever about having one standard serving of alcohol.

I do agree that OP's husband sounds like he has issues.

I guess I was more middle of the road? In my first (and only) pregnancy in 2011, I did a lot of research and was able to discern that most of the advice about pregnancy restrictions was not based on good evidence. So I had a small cup of coffee every day, ate what I wanted (no restrictions on deli or tuna; ate lots of froyo fully loaded), and drank every now and then (honestly can't remember how much, but it was more than three glasses of champagne and tasting beers.) In retrospect, it's not the total amount of alcohol I drank that bothers me, but the frequency in the 1st tri/2nd tri. That I think was a bit cavalier.

[Anonymous]

I was thinking I'd be more lax this second pregnancy, but what stopped me is reading somewhere that alcohol is in some ways worse than heroin or cocaine for the fetus. And smoking. You do you (and your child), but just keep that in mind. Alcohol for many reasons shouldn't even be legal, or at least other drugs should be if it is because it's effects on health and society are staggering. And I love wine when not pregnant.

[Anonymous]

OP here. Thanks everyone. I agree my DH has some issues with drinking. He doesn't get drunk but drinks more often than most do. We have a 1 year old already. I drank occasionally with her too. 1 serving to me is 12 oz of 5% beer, 5 oz of 11% wine, 1 shot of 40% spirits, etc.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I drank pretty often before pregnancy. I get very emotional/stressed while pregnant, way more than usual. I only have 1-1.5 servings of alcohol at a time on a full stomach, not often, but I feel guilty still. I don't tell anyone but my husband. He encourages it because I am pretty high strung and misses having someone to drink with. Negative comments go ahead, I'll ignore. Looking for others who are doing the same.

The bolded is what I would worry about. He sounds like an alcoholic and is trying to make you one too. Are you going to go back to drinking heavy when the baby is here? I would stop drinking before that happens. I would be very worried, op!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We have this argument all the time. A bunch of people myself included drank very lightly during pregnancy. Like a white wine spritzer a night (half strength). A bunch of other women think we are insane for taking the risk. Everyone agrees the evidence favors the light drinkers but some people assume some damage is being done despite the evidence.

Now that I’ve summed it up this thread can stretch on to page 14 at least.

You are in denial if you think this constitutes "very light" drinking during pregnancy.

I agree, especially since some people's "half strength" could be actually a full serving.

So you think it’s not very light under the assumption that I am lying about the strength. Got it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I feel bad that I drank ALOT one night when I was pregnant. It was very early and I didn't even know I was pregnant at the time. I was probably about 3 weeks pregnant. (Once I knew I was pregnant, I didn't drink)

I still feel terrible about this. I have never told anyone but I'm still afraid it is the reason why my son has ADD.

I carry a lot of guilt.

Me too
Except I was a bit further along

[Anonymous]

I gave up drinking but desperately craved beer when pregnant. O’douls was perfect for that and tasted great with a burger or if we were out with friends. Can’t you just find a non-alcoholic (or extremely light such as non-alcoholic beer) replacement?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We have this argument all the time. A bunch of people myself included drank very lightly during pregnancy. Like a white wine spritzer a night (half strength). A bunch of other women think we are insane for taking the risk. Everyone agrees the evidence favors the light drinkers but some people assume some damage is being done despite the evidence.

Now that I’ve summed it up this thread can stretch on to page 14 at least.

You are in denial if you think this constitutes "very light" drinking during pregnancy.

I agree, especially since some people's "half strength" could be actually a full serving.

So you think it’s not very light under the assumption that I am lying about the strength. Got it.

"strength" has no objective meaning. some people's half-strength is 2oz; others is 4. People are really bad at knowing what "one drink" is by public health measures.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Thanks everyone. I agree my DH has some issues with drinking. He doesn't get drunk but drinks more often than most do. We have a 1 year old already. I drank occasionally with her too. 1 serving to me is 12 oz of 5% beer, 5 oz of 11% wine, 1 shot of 40% spirits, etc.

but do you actually measure 5oz of wine?

[Anonymous]

No I am not drinking. No amount of alcohol has been determined to be safe and it’s not worth the risk to me. I also have a close friend with a child who has FAS and the realities of what that looks like are not something I want to happen to me. And no don’t ask me how much she drank. I wasn’t living in their house so light to moderate may mean something different from person to person and I think it would be incredibly rude to make her feel even more guilty asking her.