Why does my step-son dress so awful? I hate to say it, he dresses as poorly as his bio father

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is my stepson.

His mom (my DW) is a big nerd. I don't think it's genetic, but learned because he learned to love Star Wars & Star Trek, Dr. Who, and weirdo board games from watching/playing with her.

DW will toss on a nerdy tee and leggings and rock that outfit on a weekend for errands. However, she knows how to dress stylishly M-F and when we go out on dates.

He'll toss on nerdy tees and basketball shorts for school and it just makes me cringe so much. I buy him clothes that are "in" and what his peers are wearing. He'll wear a few pieces, but prefers basketball shorts year round (even though he's not at all sporty) because they're comfortable and have "really big pockets for all my things." What things?! You're 14!

I love him, but oy! His lack of style is so frustrating! He's a good looking kid and would definitely have more friends if he dressed better. He desperately wants a girlfriend for the 8th grade spring dance this year and all I want to do is shake him and say, "you gotta hide your inner nerd until you lock it down, son! HIDE IT!"

If you loved him, you'd let him be himself instead of wanting him to hide who he truly is. You will have a negative impact on his self esteem with your judgment. I feel bad for him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is my stepson.

His mom (my DW) is a big nerd. I don't think it's genetic, but learned because he learned to love Star Wars & Star Trek, Dr. Who, and weirdo board games from watching/playing with her.

DW will toss on a nerdy tee and leggings and rock that outfit on a weekend for errands. However, she knows how to dress stylishly M-F and when we go out on dates.

He'll toss on nerdy tees and basketball shorts for school and it just makes me cringe so much. I buy him clothes that are "in" and what his peers are wearing. He'll wear a few pieces, but prefers basketball shorts year round (even though he's not at all sporty) because they're comfortable and have "really big pockets for all my things." What things?! You're 14!

I love him, but oy! His lack of style is so frustrating! He's a good looking kid and would definitely have more friends if he dressed better. He desperately wants a girlfriend for the 8th grade spring dance this year and all I want to do is shake him and say, "you gotta hide your inner nerd until you lock it down, son! HIDE IT!"

Dad, I know you mean well but adolescence is a really hard time for many kids. Forgive me if I'm reading something into this situation from my own experience as a teen but I well remember feeling like an outsider as a teen and it didn't help to have my parents disapprove of how I dressed. I mostly wanted to know I was going to be okay being who I was (in the early 70s, not clear that that would happen) and I wanted my parents to be there for me and not pressure me to look like someone I wasn't. Just be there for your stepson. Listen and listen and listen again. And if he asks you for advice, then give it. Stop buying him clothes he doesn't like to wear.

I'm not saying you're wrong about how he dresses. I'm saying that he is the one who has to make that choice. And be careful about giving him the message that you will love him more if he dresses a certain way. I know you don't feel that way but it may come across that way. And again, apologies if I'm reading my own experience into your son's and it is in fact not relevant.

And finally, parenting a teen is so hard. You can worry and worry and see what they should do but you can' t make them do it. The lack of control you have over their choices can be really scary. Hang in there!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is my stepson.

His mom (my DW) is a big nerd. I don't think it's genetic, but learned because he learned to love Star Wars & Star Trek, Dr. Who, and weirdo board games from watching/playing with her.

DW will toss on a nerdy tee and leggings and rock that outfit on a weekend for errands. However, she knows how to dress stylishly M-F and when we go out on dates.

He'll toss on nerdy tees and basketball shorts for school and it just makes me cringe so much. I buy him clothes that are "in" and what his peers are wearing. He'll wear a few pieces, but prefers basketball shorts year round (even though he's not at all sporty) because they're comfortable and have "really big pockets for all my things." What things?! You're 14!

I love him, but oy! His lack of style is so frustrating! He's a good looking kid and would definitely have more friends if he dressed better. He desperately wants a girlfriend for the 8th grade spring dance this year and all I want to do is shake him and say, "you gotta hide your inner nerd until you lock it down, son! HIDE IT!"

If you loved him, you'd let him be himself instead of wanting him to hide who he truly is. You will have a negative impact on his self esteem with your judgment. I feel bad for him.

And maybe he'd like a girlfriend who actually likes him, not some fake version of him. Maybe he'll meet a girl who is also really into Doctor Who and they'll have a great, nerdy romance.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So, if you aren't married to Dad and have custody, he's not your stepson and you are his guardian? In less he is going somewhere important as long as he is clean and matches let it go.

It’s probably a step father posting here...

A stepfather posting about fashion?

That is the first issue with this situation.

Maybe this is a 2 dads situation. I cant imagine a heterosexual man worrying himself about this.

Some men care about clothes. How close minded are some of the people here? Have you literally never met a heterosexual man who cares about his appearance?

As a society we need to give men a little more room to be individuals without declaring their sexuality.

A small sliver of heterosexual men are clutching their pearls over what their stepson is wearing and analyzing pictures of what ther step sons kids are wearing in pictures poster on social media.

You are confusing a heterosexual man's personal choices in his appearance with a man who is worrying his pretty little head over such trite issues as what is step son looks like on social media.

Sorry, this is not something heterosexual men do. Period. Contrary to your idiotic opinion based on media trends there is a difference between men and women and thank God for that.

The OP has confirmed that he is a man married to a woman. So... I suppose I was not the one making idiotic assumptions or generalizations.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So, if you aren't married to Dad and have custody, he's not your stepson and you are his guardian? In less he is going somewhere important as long as he is clean and matches let it go.

It’s probably a step father posting here...

A stepfather posting about fashion?

That is the first issue with this situation.

Maybe this is a 2 dads situation. I cant imagine a heterosexual man worrying himself about this.

Some men care about clothes. How close minded are some of the people here? Have you literally never met a heterosexual man who cares about his appearance?

As a society we need to give men a little more room to be individuals without declaring their sexuality.

Yes.

I have literally never met a heterosexual man who cares enough about fashion to worry about his teenage stepson not looking stylish and preppy.

Well, if you count the OP as “meeting” someone, now you have.

[Anonymous]

Unless he’s wearing inappropriate clothes, what’s the issue? Not everyone is a born fashion plate. My DH has a “schlubby” style despite my best efforts. To each their own OP!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So, if you aren't married to Dad and have custody, he's not your stepson and you are his guardian? In less he is going somewhere important as long as he is clean and matches let it go.

It’s probably a step father posting here...

A stepfather posting about fashion?

That is the first issue with this situation.

Maybe this is a 2 dads situation. I cant imagine a heterosexual man worrying himself about this.

Some men care about clothes. How close minded are some of the people here? Have you literally never met a heterosexual man who cares about his appearance?

As a society we need to give men a little more room to be individuals without declaring their sexuality.

A small sliver of heterosexual men are clutching their pearls over what their stepson is wearing and analyzing pictures of what ther step sons kids are wearing in pictures poster on social media.

You are confusing a heterosexual man's personal choices in his appearance with a man who is worrying his pretty little head over such trite issues as what is step son looks like on social media.

Sorry, this is not something heterosexual men do. Period. Contrary to your idiotic opinion based on media trends there is a difference between men and women and thank God for that.

The OP has confirmed that he is a man married to a woman. So... I suppose I was not the one making idiotic assumptions or generalizations.

yes, he is the small sliver of heterosexual men who wring their hands over what their step son is wearing based on social media pictures. Kinda creepy, but to each "his" own.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is my stepson.

His mom (my DW) is a big nerd. I don't think it's genetic, but learned because he learned to love Star Wars & Star Trek, Dr. Who, and weirdo board games from watching/playing with her.

DW will toss on a nerdy tee and leggings and rock that outfit on a weekend for errands. However, she knows how to dress stylishly M-F and when we go out on dates.

He'll toss on nerdy tees and basketball shorts for school and it just makes me cringe so much. I buy him clothes that are "in" and what his peers are wearing. He'll wear a few pieces, but prefers basketball shorts year round (even though he's not at all sporty) because they're comfortable and have "really big pockets for all my things." What things?! You're 14!

I love him, but oy! His lack of style is so frustrating! He's a good looking kid and would definitely have more friends if he dressed better. He desperately wants a girlfriend for the 8th grade spring dance this year and all I want to do is shake him and say, "you gotta hide your inner nerd until you lock it down, son! HIDE IT!"

That's pretty much what my 14yo wears all the time. (Minus the nerdy tees. He just wears an athletic t-shirt.) Some of his friends are more stylish. Others are just like him. I gave up that fight a long time ago. If he is coming with me to any functions, he needs to put on clothes that I chose for him. Other than that, I let it go.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So, if you aren't married to Dad and have custody, he's not your stepson and you are his guardian? In less he is going somewhere important as long as he is clean and matches let it go.

It’s probably a step father posting here...

A stepfather posting about fashion?

That is the first issue with this situation.

Maybe this is a 2 dads situation. I cant imagine a heterosexual man worrying himself about this.

Some men care about clothes. How close minded are some of the people here? Have you literally never met a heterosexual man who cares about his appearance?

As a society we need to give men a little more room to be individuals without declaring their sexuality.

A small sliver of heterosexual men are clutching their pearls over what their stepson is wearing and analyzing pictures of what ther step sons kids are wearing in pictures poster on social media.

You are confusing a heterosexual man's personal choices in his appearance with a man who is worrying his pretty little head over such trite issues as what is step son looks like on social media.

Sorry, this is not something heterosexual men do. Period. Contrary to your idiotic opinion based on media trends there is a difference between men and women and thank God for that.

The OP has confirmed that he is a man married to a woman. So... I suppose I was not the one making idiotic assumptions or generalizations.

Where did OP confirm that he is a man?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So, if you aren't married to Dad and have custody, he's not your stepson and you are his guardian? In less he is going somewhere important as long as he is clean and matches let it go.

It’s probably a step father posting here...

A stepfather posting about fashion?

That is the first issue with this situation.

Maybe this is a 2 dads situation. I cant imagine a heterosexual man worrying himself about this.

Some men care about clothes. How close minded are some of the people here? Have you literally never met a heterosexual man who cares about his appearance?

As a society we need to give men a little more room to be individuals without declaring their sexuality.

A small sliver of heterosexual men are clutching their pearls over what their stepson is wearing and analyzing pictures of what ther step sons kids are wearing in pictures poster on social media.

You are confusing a heterosexual man's personal choices in his appearance with a man who is worrying his pretty little head over such trite issues as what is step son looks like on social media.

Sorry, this is not something heterosexual men do. Period. Contrary to your idiotic opinion based on media trends there is a difference between men and women and thank God for that.

The OP has confirmed that he is a man married to a woman. So... I suppose I was not the one making idiotic assumptions or generalizations.

Where did OP confirm that he is a man?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote: He desperately wants a girlfriend for the 8th grade spring dance this year and all I want to do is shake him and say, "you gotta hide your inner nerd until you lock it down, son! HIDE IT!"

This is terrible advice. Why would you tell the teen to hide his identity?

OP, do you see your stepson's dressing as a reflection on you? Otherwise, it's hard me to understand why anyone would care so much.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So, if you aren't married to Dad and have custody, he's not your stepson and you are his guardian? In less he is going somewhere important as long as he is clean and matches let it go.

It’s probably a step father posting here...

A stepfather posting about fashion?

That is the first issue with this situation.

Maybe this is a 2 dads situation. I cant imagine a heterosexual man worrying himself about this.

Some men care about clothes. How close minded are some of the people here? Have you literally never met a heterosexual man who cares about his appearance?

As a society we need to give men a little more room to be individuals without declaring their sexuality.

Yes.

I have literally never met a heterosexual man who cares enough about fashion to worry about his teenage stepson not looking stylish and preppy.

Well, if you count the OP as “meeting” someone, now you have.

OP does not sound like any hetero man, ever.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So, if you aren't married to Dad and have custody, he's not your stepson and you are his guardian? In less he is going somewhere important as long as he is clean and matches let it go.

It’s probably a step father posting here...

A stepfather posting about fashion?

That is the first issue with this situation.

Maybe this is a 2 dads situation. I cant imagine a heterosexual man worrying himself about this.

I'm thinking bio mom and stepmom (and I'm a lesbian, so not being snarky that's just how it makes sense to me). I'm also curious about what's so horrible-maybe he's goth with a preppy stepmom?

But aren't lesbian moms usually more acceptable about kids being who they are, especially regarding what they wear?

I'd like to believe that's true, but we are diverse group!

[Anonymous]

I have a 14-year-old son as well. He is in ninth grade. All of his shirts are nike or under armor and for pants all he wears are basketball shorts when it’s warm and sweat pants in winter. He does not wear khakis or any nice clothes unless he has to dress formally for a dance or another similar event. He does not have an issue attracting girls, much to my dismay as he is still so young.

[Anonymous]

What you call cool preppy he may think of as wussy dorky.