Why does my step-son dress so awful? I hate to say it, he dresses as poorly as his bio father

[Anonymous]

I love him and buy him nice stylish teen boy clothes (things I notice his friends are into). He goes to a great school. His friends are stylish in that carefree cool preppy way. He persistently reaches for the worst items. When I take him shopping he has truly awful taste. He was just showing my pictures from last night and he looks like the oddball in a group of clean cut handsome boys. Is awful taste in clothes and poor personal style related to genetics? Full disclosure: His bio father is a deadbeat bum with appearance to match. But bio dad hasn't really been in the picture for 10 years. It's hard for me to wrap my head around because I'm not sure if he doesn't know he has awful taste or he doesn't care? Executive function issue?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I love him and buy him nice stylish teen boy clothes (things I notice his friends are into). He goes to a great school. His friends are stylish in that carefree cool preppy way. He persistently reaches for the worst items. When I take him shopping he has truly awful taste. He was just showing my pictures from last night and he looks like the oddball in a group of clean cut handsome boys. Is awful taste in clothes and poor personal style related to genetics? Full disclosure: His bio father is a deadbeat bum with appearance to match. But bio dad hasn't really been in the picture for 10 years. It's hard for me to wrap my head around because I'm not sure if he doesn't know he has awful taste or he doesn't care? Executive function issue?

I guess you need to define "awful?" Is it possible that you are buying him clothing to fit in, and he likes to stand out? Is he a plaid and stripes kid? Is he sloppy and unkempt? How does he behave otherwise? You said "friends"- so I assume he has genuine friends? How does he do in school and life in general?

Having terrible clothing taste could be symptomatic of a larger problem (e.g. inattention to basic hygiene would indicate an EF problem after a certain age), or a relational problem (you think he should look one way, he wants to look another), he's into other things and doesn't care what he wears, or he really likes those bold/flashy colors (fine, plenty of high functioning women dress a little bold for my taste).

[Anonymous]

Why do you care? Let him wear what he wants. You're only a teenager once.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I love him and buy him nice stylish teen boy clothes (things I notice his friends are into). He goes to a great school. His friends are stylish in that carefree cool preppy way. He persistently reaches for the worst items. When I take him shopping he has truly awful taste. He was just showing my pictures from last night and he looks like the oddball in a group of clean cut handsome boys. Is awful taste in clothes and poor personal style related to genetics? Full disclosure: His bio father is a deadbeat bum with appearance to match. But bio dad hasn't really been in the picture for 10 years. It's hard for me to wrap my head around because I'm not sure if he doesn't know he has awful taste or he doesn't care? Executive function issue?

Maybe also genetically related to awful taste in spouses?

[Anonymous]

So, if you aren't married to Dad and have custody, he's not your stepson and you are his guardian? In less he is going somewhere important as long as he is clean and matches let it go.

[Anonymous]

Guys can wear just about anything. I’m having a hard time imagining what he’s wearing that’s so awful.

High waters? Satin jackets?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So, if you aren't married to Dad and have custody, he's not your stepson and you are his guardian? In less he is going somewhere important as long as he is clean and matches let it go.

It’s probably a step father posting here...

[Anonymous]

I love my DH but he doesn’t have great taste in clothes, nor does he want me to shop for him. He’s happy with his own style and confident in who he is. I wouldn’t dream of trying to pick out clothes for my children. From now on I’m going to blame my children’s taste in clothes on my husband. Thanks for the idea, OP. Let your step son pick out his own clothes and don’t try to pick out outfits for anyone in your family. It works for me.

[Anonymous]

^ As long as everyone is clean, covered enough and dressed appropriately for the weather it’s fine!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So, if you aren't married to Dad and have custody, he's not your stepson and you are his guardian? In less he is going somewhere important as long as he is clean and matches let it go.

It’s probably a step father posting here...

I think this person has posted before and it was an ex girlfriend. Either way, slamming Dad constantly isn't helping the situation.

[Anonymous]

ADD or ADHD? Diagnosed kids are generally clumsy and sloppy, very poor attention to detail. And no, they can’t “see” it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I love him and buy him nice stylish teen boy clothes (things I notice his friends are into). He goes to a great school. His friends are stylish in that carefree cool preppy way. He persistently reaches for the worst items. When I take him shopping he has truly awful taste. He was just showing my pictures from last night and he looks like the oddball in a group of clean cut handsome boys. Is awful taste in clothes and poor personal style related to genetics? Full disclosure: His bio father is a deadbeat bum with appearance to match. But bio dad hasn't really been in the picture for 10 years. It's hard for me to wrap my head around because I'm not sure if he doesn't know he has awful taste or he doesn't care? Executive function issue?

Sounds pretty mean spirited and your disdain for his father can’t be good for him. Try to ride above and be a positive person in this young man’s life.

[Anonymous]

Can you give an example of what he is wearing compared to everyone else? Most boys aren't into fashion BTW.

[Anonymous]

Let him be! Why are you so concerned with his clothing choices? He is an individual and does not need to conform to what you consider "stylish". You should be more concerned with contributing towards raising him to be a well adjusted, decent adult.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:ADD or ADHD? Diagnosed kids are generally clumsy and sloppy, very poor attention to detail. And no, they can’t “see” it.